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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

244 replies

PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 21:36

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 17/01/2014 22:37

Neither could DiL use DS1's surname without him being there.

I thought that you can give a baby any name you want, you don't have to use your own surname if you don't want to.

It's just that you can't actually name the father if you are unmarried, I don't think there's anything stopping actual use of a name.

gamerchick · 17/01/2014 22:37

Yes by re registering. You can't alter a certificate in the actual book.

Still.. no harm done and it's really not worth making the poor bugger crawl on broken glass as punishment all weekend and make sure he has a shit birthday.

Friendsupport · 17/01/2014 22:38

You are pregnant for 9 months. It's not unreasonable to be able to name the baby once it's born.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 22:40

Maybe that's what it was then, DS wanted to be in the Father space but couldn't register on his own because they were unmarried.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 22:41

Just trying to remember, I couldn't name DP as the Father without him being there either.

squoosh · 17/01/2014 22:42

I'd probably let the unwanted second middle name pass to be honest, unless I was worried MIL might think the power now lay in her lap!

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 22:42

You are pregnant for 9 months. It's not unreasonable to be able to name the baby once it's born.

Yeah, but the Father should get a look in too don't you think?

Inglori0us · 17/01/2014 22:43

I wouldnt trust my dh to go and buy paint. He can't even get the right stuff at the supermarket FFS.
Tell him you're pissed off and why, get the birth certificate reissued and then just put it down to a moment of madness.

Enjoy your new baby.

TheseAreTheJokesFolks · 17/01/2014 22:46

My dad did that to my mum- with my first and middle name. She was not happy. She wanted to call me Melanie.
I am impressed you can just change it without deed poll though.
I thought of a perfect middle name for my youngest but two weeks too late Sad

FryOneFatManic · 17/01/2014 22:46

I think the issue here is that the OP had discussed names and agreed them with her DH, and he then unilaterally changed things by adding the extra name.

It's not about the OP being mean, and so what if the name is a middle name? I think it's the principle; OP hadn't been consulted.

As for those who think it doesn't matter as middle names don't get used, well, at least half of the females in my family go by their middle names as they hate their first names. And I have a large family but I use my first name, I'm one of the rarities

PinkandGreenStripes · 17/01/2014 22:49

This reply has been deleted

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EverybodysStressyEyed · 17/01/2014 22:49

my grandads father wanted to name him after his hero and his wife hated the name

he went to register the birth with his sister who managed to talk him out of just having his preferred name and it was relegated to a middle name

my grandad's mum was livid and my grandad hated it his whole life and dreaded his name being read out! he hated it so much he didn't give any of his children a middle name (which they of course resented!)

so yanbu - you are saving his relationship with your child!

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 22:50

Thanks fry, that's exactly it.... I feel betrayed of trust in a way...can't think straight am soooo tired too

OP posts:
DejaVuAllOverAgain · 17/01/2014 22:57

The father did get a look in. He and the OP discussed and agreed on names. Then he unilaterally decided on an extra name. The OP may not be more important than him but he isn't more important than her either and if he wanted to add this name then he should have discussed it.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 17/01/2014 22:59

OP you are definitely not BU.
To all the people saying the father should get a look in, of course he should.
Which he did. At the time OP and he together decided on the name. Which includes his surname.
This was a breach of trust and either a very sly thing to do or egregiously stupid, only OP can determine which.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 23:00

I'm not saying the Father didn't get a look in in the OPs case, I was responding to what FriendSupport said.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 23:02

And I said he should have agreed it first but that I don't think I would be happy that the MiL had had an input unless agreed all round.

edamsavestheday · 17/01/2014 23:02

wow, that is seriously shit of him. What on earth was he thinking?!

Friendsupport · 17/01/2014 23:03

Yes of course. But they had agreed the baby's name, if the baby was registered in the hospital then dads wouldn't have to go on their own.

Canthisonebeused · 17/01/2014 23:03

Mind you I can kind of imagine how that conversation went when the name was suggested and so maybe he was TOLD no and that's the discussion as far as OP sees it. I tend to think there was more to that.

ashtrayheart · 17/01/2014 23:03

Xh popped in with ds and added a second middle name. We never ever use it and I don't think ds even remembers it exists! It doesn't matter really.

BehindLockNumberNine · 17/01/2014 23:05

Just to lighten the mood, a story which at the time had my mother livid and upset, now (nearly 40 years later) has become a funny family anecdote:

When dsis was born mum and dad decided to give her the name Cecile as a middle name. Gorgeous name.
Dad went to register the birth on his own but for reasons best known to himself (tiredness, who knows) left the e off the end and registered dsis's middle name as Cecil.

Mum never changed it. For reasons I do not know. But she did tell me she was really really upset at the time.

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 23:05

Stupidity. Sheer stupidity! Trying to please everyone and ending up pleasing none!

OP posts:
Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 23:08

Canthisinebeused, he never brought up the name with me at all! So he didn't know whether or not I would like it. Heard MIL mention it once and say it was nice. I didn't say anything as I had no idea she would trey actually naming my DD with it!

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 17/01/2014 23:08

Honestly think I would have buried him in the back garden Grin

Jokes aside YANBU honestly probably would have about the back garden things too