To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

[PetiteMum]

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

A 2nd middle name wouldn't actually bother me, I just wouldn't use it. I don't particularly like DDs middle name but that was the compromise for me getting my own way with the first name.

My Dad changed my first name, Mum had wanted to call me Winnifred, Dad decided on the way to register me that he hated it and he should choose me a pretty name... I love my Dad

He should have discussed it. But I'm not sure I'd be overly bothered by an additional name if it was a traditional thing.

YANBU.

I would never trust anyone else to go and do a job like that without me present. My GF went without my GM to register my mum's birth and got the name wrong.

Let's say my GM wanted Mandy for DM. Not Amanda, just Mandy. GF came back with Amanda on the certificate.

I've heard of other fathers getting the spelling completely wrong. NEVER NEVER send them on their own.

Oh. I see you say your MIL took to you begrudgingly because she wanted her son to marry 'his own kind.'

And you can't pronounce the name she's muscled in with.

So I am guessing you've married into one of those forrin cultures where the Golden Boy never really cuts the apron strings and Mummy rules the roost on everything. This is her way of subtly showing you who's boss, anf your DH is going along with it.

You poor woman. Good luck.

If my DH had pulled that stunt, he'd be in the one bollock camp as well! I'd be FURIOUS. If you had both agreed on the second name, then great. He can't just randomly add it in with no discussion.

My grandfather went off to register my mum's name when she was born. My GP's had decided to call her Josephine. Only problem was that when GD got to the registry office, he promptly forgot the name and my DM is now called Jennifer. Oops...

Gawd, the days when new mothers were confined to weeks of bed rest had a lot to answer for!

I would have gone absolutely ape shit. I think that the inclusion of the MIL makes this worse- trying not to be unreasonable he might just have been trying to please everyone- but I suspect as he didn't consult you he was just pushing his luck. I think I'd be a while coming down from the ceiling with this one.

YADNBU.

I'd have gone spare at DH if he'd tried this on. Thankfully he's not the type to unilaterally decide on something as important and is also more than capable of doing it without me.

I too was BF on demand and didn't fancy the 30 minute car journey to the next town to do the registering.

Before he left I checked he knew the name, which he did, so off he went! He can go alone next time too.

yanbu, bit about never trust a man to go alone. It never occurred to me that dh was not capable of carrying out such a simple task. You have to trust them with more than this.

I'd make him change it whatever it takes.

This is a huge betrayal of trust, I am not sure if be able to forgive it.

Not sure why people are blaming the the mil, unless she went with him, and forced him to do it. She made a suggestion, it's her idiot son who betrayed the op's trust.

Congratulations on your baby btw.
When I first read your op I was
Then as I ponder on it, it could look as though dh h had a bit of a time of it
His overbearing DM (??) "forces" him to add the name, then his furious wife forces him to move it.

OP your DH was stupid and thoughtless to do this without consultation, but you can change it, luckily. Please don't let it spoil this special time, with your new baby; it is not a big deal in the scheme of things.

He hasn't apologised yet and he won't admit he was wrong. This I know. And I'm not speaking to him until he apologises. So it's silence at the moment with small talk for the benefit of DS 1 who is 3

I think this is the wrong way to deal with it, I think you should give him a name from your culture that is alien to him and call him that for at least a week.

So Timothy Brian Gerald or something, but at least 3 names. If you fancy an actor / sportsman/ other famous person and he knows that, use that name.

I almost did this but I called DH from outside the registry office and when he wasn't there I called someone else to talk me out of it. Because I knew it was wrong.

He hasn't apologised yet and he won't admit he was wrong. This I know. And I'm not speaking to him until he apologises. So it's silence at the moment with small talk for the benefit of DS 1 who is 3

Oh come on, this is ridiculous and not fair on your 3 year old. Yes, he shouldn't have done it but you've said the registry office will let you alter the name so really no harm done.

Just laugh about it and enjoy your weekend. Life's too short for arguments and being childish saying "I'm not speaking to him"

Hopefully you'll feel a bit less furious today. He fucked up, but it's reversible. (My grandmother was registered the wrong way round by her dad, and my g and as spelt not one but two of his children's names wrong )

Sorry, going to go against the flow here - I don't think it's a big thing, it's a second middle name. If he'd changed the name you'd agreed on for something completely different then I could see being livid, but this, just couldn't get that worked up about it.

You have upto a year from the date of registry to amend a birth certificate. After then, it must be done officially via a solicitor. I have to change my name via deed poll as all my official documentation spell my name differently. The passport office is refusing to process my application until this has been rectified officially by a solicitor.

A few years ago myself and my now husband went to the maternity hospital to visit his brother and wife and their new(second) son. My now mother in law arrived at same time as us - after the initial oohs and aahs my mother in law asked what's the name. My husbands sister in law said the name very clearly - it was a shortened version of a popular name (think Charlie for Charles, Mattie for Matthew, along those lines).

MIL said "oh no, give him the full proper name or he'll never be taken seriously". The new Mum argued back saying they were adamant it was the shortened version they wanted as his first name. She had thought long and hard about it, felt strongly, etc. Myself and my then boyfriend found ourselves looking at the ground - really uncomfortable but funny at the same time (this is me pre children).

Fast forward a couple of months and at the christening the baby is called the full name. I, in my innocence, said "oh, you went with the full name in the end"....cue filthy looks and tense atmosphere...

Yes, her husband had registered the baby with the full name as argued by his mother. And to this day if his wife isn't around he'll often call the child by the full name - I've never heard her call him by full name. To be fair, the MIL does call child by shortened version! Its a total sore point and we are not allowed say anything about it... nearly ten years on!

I have children now and would be absolutely furious if my husband did this.

To be fair to the husband (my bil) I don't think it was malicious or anything, just thoughtlessness and a lack of appreciation of how important a baby name is to the mother.

I would be absolutely furious, too. But I'm sure he didn't think it was a very big deal (men don't seem to feel as strongly about this sort of thing as women do) and I'm sure wouldn't have done it if he knew how you would feel.

Try and forgive for your own sake as stewing on it won't make you feel any better. You will soon forget about it.

My dad did this with my sister and I - added a second middle name to us (that was his mother's maiden name (think mud, bug type name) that was discussed and not agreed to by my mum. Both times she couldn't do anything about it, stuck out on a farm in the middle of nowhere, unable to drive. And it is a name that caused relentless teasing through our entire school lives, and that we pretend doesn't exist.
So no, I think he was unreasonable for changing it from the agreed name. And I think you need to discuss that you are upset at the deceit rather than the name itself iyswim.

I dunno, am on the fence. I know a man who did this to his wife, just because privately he really hated the name but didn't want to argue with his wife (especially after her ordeal). The lad grew up and was very happy to be David Ian rather than Meruphus Moo or whatever it was the mother was insisting she wanted.

Perhaps if it was a name he liked & had previously mentioned it might have been more understandable?

But a name mentioned by Mummy-no fucking way!

My husband registered both of ours as I was still in hospital & it was something he wanted to do & could do iyswim.

I trusted him to use the names we had chosen & he did.

Would have felt like a bloody great big smack in the face betrayal if he hadn't tbh.

YANBU

My father would have done the same for similar reasons - weakness and a dig at my mother from a female relation masquerading as nice cultural reasons.

My aunt tried to persuade him to give me a name that was from their background not my mum's. She would have preferred her brother to marry within their community.

My dad would have given in to her because he always did, and also he'd have been overcome with weepy sentiment for his roots at the register office.

Luckily my mum got wind of it and went to the register office with him so I have the culturally-neutral name that they chose together before my aunt stuck her oar in.

My mum would have felt exactly the same way you do and my dad would have done the same thing as your DH: 'What have I done? Oh just change it if you want to. I can't do anything right, can I?'

It was a bloody awful name as well