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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

244 replies

PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 21:36

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

OP posts:
msmoss · 17/01/2014 21:57

Could be worse my Dad was sent off to register me as Anna, my name is not Anna! I like my actual name and it does have a rather lovely meaning to it, but still a bit of a fuckwit thing to do.

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 21:57

He hasn't apologised yet and he won't admit he was wrong. This I know. And I'm not speaking to him until he apologises. So it's silence at the moment with small talk for the benefit of DS 1 who is 3

OP posts:
TaraLott · 17/01/2014 21:58

I think it's a completely antiquated system that allows husbands to register a birth without wives being present.

I think it's perfectly ok for men to register their own child, Women can register alone, unmarried men have to be present if their name is to go on the birth certificate and they cannot register alone.

Wow OP, I can't begin to think how cross I'd be, will they let you take it off?

InTheSpirit · 17/01/2014 21:59

This is the reason I have Bet as a middle name
Yep, spelled like that -^ He was dyslexic and was unsure how to spell Elizabeth, so unfortunately shortened it and missed the 'h'.

YANBU- nobody should be pressured into giving a child a name they don't want it to have. It's the parents choice alone!

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 22:00

On top of it we have visitors at the weekend and it's his birthday on Tuesday. Happy days. He's getting fuck all presents

OP posts:
ceres · 17/01/2014 22:01

erm, this is about a second middle name, right? tbh I don't think it would bother me - I don't think many people ever use a second name never mind a second second name! I would see it as a future funny story I think.

Canthisonebeused · 17/01/2014 22:01

Seeing as it's his child too I think YABU in ruling out his choice in his child's name.

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 22:04

The point is it wasn't his choice! It's his mothers!

He was fine with the names we both agreed on

OP posts:
gingee · 17/01/2014 22:04

omg that's ridiculous. a) of your husband for allowing his mum's opinion to win over and b) for his mum even thinking she has a say in your child's name

my OWN mum, not even MIL, has said she isn't mad keen on a couple of names my dc have BUT she tried her best not to show it, and now says they've grown to suit them etc, she admits it's not up to her, and we have a very close relationship even she knows it's not her place!!

what's he saying now about it all? not stirring the pot but do you think he maybe told her when he was going to register, so she conveniently rang him to remind him of her choice?!

not as bad but my grandfather tells a story, when his sister was born, they sent their father to register her, he spelled the name wrong but not just "Catherine" to "Katherine" think leaving out a letter so "Hannah" became "Anna" because he couldn't remember properly what they decided!!!

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/01/2014 22:05

Wrong to do it at the registry office I agree but he should have a say in the names too. I hate the "i gave birth so i call all the shots" nonsense.

Why was he not able to discuss the name in advance with you? Would you have been open to letting him add the middle name if he had asked?

TheGreatHunt · 17/01/2014 22:05

What are you talking about Canthisonebeused?!

He did this without consulting! Snuck it in there on the sly FFS!!

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 17/01/2014 22:05

What does it matter if op didn't go? I was a bit meh after registering DS think I was anticipating some sort of fanfare - it's a boring admin task in reality.

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 17/01/2014 22:05

It's not an 'essential ritual' to register your child in person.

I didn't attend for my DC2, I was recovering after a c-s and wanted to spend time with DC1, who I had been away from for 2 days.

It's sitting in a bland government office while someone types something on a computer, not remotely essential to attend unless your DH is a twat

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 17/01/2014 22:07

Btw, my Dad mispelled my middle name on my birth certificate and I didn't find out til I was about 19 and needed my birth certificate for something.

My bank account and degree certificate have the wrong spelling as nobody every noticed ffs.

WaitMonkey · 17/01/2014 22:07

This is why I wouldn't trust dh to register the dc. He is easily influenced. Hmm

gingee · 17/01/2014 22:07

Yeah it's not a madly special thing...some close friends went to register, there was some special shop nearby that caught mum's eye, so she went in there and her DH did the job for her

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 22:08

If only I knew why he didn't mention it to me before! He hadn't said anything other than ok, take it out then if you don't like it. Like I don't have enough on my plate! He's being super nice to me as I'm like a coiled spring at the moment

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 17/01/2014 22:09

I loved doing it, both times. Second time in particular because it was beside a lovely cafe with comfy sofas and enormous scones! There is no way I wouldn't have gone.

Kveta · 17/01/2014 22:09

my grandfather did this when registering my mum's birth.

she was supposed to be (for example) Grace, but he saw the register and there were 7 or 8 Graces already there that month, so he named her Ruby. Then didn't tell my grandmother for a week that her darling baby was not actually called Grace!

Luckily my grandmother liked both names, but honestly, what a pillock!

ceres · 17/01/2014 22:11

my first name is spelled differently on my birth cert. my bank account, degree etc have the spelling I use - I see it as the birth cert having the wrong spelling. it was a mistake by the registrar and not the spelling my parents wanted. it has never caused a problem.

MrsGarlic · 17/01/2014 22:11

mrsminiverscharlady I was very pleased that my husband could go and register the birth without me. It was January, extremely cold, I had a newborn with jaundice and the register office was 2 bus rides away and we don't drive. I'd have been pissed off to be made to attend!

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 22:12

So what do I do about awkward silence over the weekend packed with visitors and his birthday on Tuesday??

OP posts:
YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 17/01/2014 22:12

Absolutely nothing wrong with not attending whatsoever.

Best to ignore some of the sanctimonious other-mother bashing that goes on on here if you're feeling like a coiled spring OP :)

BeaLola · 17/01/2014 22:13

I would be livid especially as it cannot be rectified.

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 17/01/2014 22:13

Congratulations on your baby btw!

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