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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

244 replies

PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 21:36

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 17/01/2014 22:15

My dad dropped in an extra name for me without consulting my mum. In the euphoria of having become a father he promised a distant aunt that he'd name me after her (why?) so carried it through. I have two middle names, the second one of which I never use as it sounded ridiculous with my surname. Pillock.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 17/01/2014 22:15

Change it yourself and give her your maiden surname too.

I would find it VERY hard to feel the same way about him after this. There'd be no birthday and no guests, that's for sure as I'd be off on a little trip myself for a few days to have a think. With the baby.

How dare someone do that. How dare they spoil something so special.

ceres · 17/01/2014 22:15

well you could choose to get over it and have a nice weekend. or you could fester and have a pretty shit weekend.

the choice is yours!

Bookaholic · 17/01/2014 22:16

My dad did this to me. Decided that he really liked a nice, unusual name that he'd heard a few times so stuck it in the middle. It is the commonest name for women within about 5 years of my age, there are squillions of us. Plus it's the name my parents always called me, not the far nicer first name that they'd had picked for years before I was born.

Totally out of order and apology at the very VERY least is required.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 17/01/2014 22:17

OP - go away for a few days. And tell them all why!!

They'll a understand and be absolutely open mouthed with shock and it might make your stupid arse H realise what a horrible thing he's done.

mrsminiverscharlady · 17/01/2014 22:17

Really? Nobody else thinks it's old fashioned that a married men and women can be 'trusted' to register a birth on their own but unmarried people can't?

Bicnod · 17/01/2014 22:18

YANBU - I would be furious too. Good that they will let you remove the extra name.

My Great-Grandfather went to register my Grandmother's name. She was supposed to be called Cicely Mary but he couldn't remember how to spell it so registered her as Gertrude Shock Mary and that was that. I should imagine my Great-Grandmother was not best pleased...

Littlegreyauditor · 17/01/2014 22:18

We like long names as the recitation of the full set allows a pause before reprimands.

We did this too Grin DS has two middle names (after both grandfathers) specifically to allow a portentous tone to a thorough scolding. It is important to know when you've crossed a line, and when you have been full named you know.

Your DH would have been full named OP, before learning the error of his ways.

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 17/01/2014 22:18

I don't think you should just ignore it.

You need to have a proper conversation about this - are he and his mother likely to undermine your wishes in other ways again in the future?

I'm thinking of the thread where the DH took the DD to MIL house and she pierced their little DD's ears behind the OP's back because that's what happens in the MIL's culture.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 17/01/2014 22:22

I would be livid too. Not about the name per se, but the lack of trust and the fact he took the decision unilaterally. Surely he must understand that? Like you don't already have enough on with a new baby as it is...

I'd be sending him to his mother's and questioning my relationship with him after this. Is this a one off or is he usually so dismissive of your feelings?

Can you switch the weekend plans? I wouldn't want to be a guest if there's an obvious atmosphere. Congrats on the new baby!

gamerchick · 17/01/2014 22:24

The registry office are letting you delete the name? I would be very surprised.. Once it's In the book you can't alter it. A re reg yes.

It's a middle name..His bairn as well.. He should be allowed. I really think you're going way over the top.

My husband changed the first names of both my stepsons.. They thanked him for it.

squoosh · 17/01/2014 22:25

A friend of mine has an ordinary name like Simon Robinson.

His Dad registered the birth and 'for a laugh' gave him the middle name Miguel. No Spanish links in the family whatsoever.

ginmakesitallok · 17/01/2014 22:25

Of course an unmarried man can't just go register the birth! What's to stop any random bloke going and doing it? How would they know that the mum consented??

LCHammer · 17/01/2014 22:26

Forgive and forget. It was with good intentions. Don't let this spoil your first few weeks with your new baby.

Friendsupport · 17/01/2014 22:26

Ok it was an unfair thing to do. But no need to file for divorce.

You say your mil is generally nice. You can rectify the birth cert.

Forget it & enjoy your baby.

Incidentially here in ROI we register before we leave the hospital. Much better imo.

SiliconeSally · 17/01/2014 22:28

BeaLola RTFT. It can be and will be rectified.

OP. this thread is fu of exames of men who haveost their minds in the euphoria of fatherhood, or something . He was probably overcome with sentimentality and pride about his mum (this is your first dd, right?) and his country and just didn't think.

He put a name down, you have had it removed, your baby has her rightful name. Relax and introduce her to your friends and family.

I wish every one of DH's mistakes , and some if mine, could be put right with a call to the registry office!

squoosh · 17/01/2014 22:30

I don't think registering before leaving the hospital is a good idea at all. What if you haven't decided on a name?

A couple I know had to register the name before leaving the hospital, the Dad took care of it but didn't put both surnames on the cert as discussed, instead putting one as a middle name. It was an honest mistake but his GF was upset and it still rankles now.

mrsminiverscharlady · 17/01/2014 22:30

Quite rightly an unmarried man can't register a birth. So why can a married man? Clearly wives don't always agree with the names they register, as this thread shows.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 22:31

Of course an unmarried man can't just go register the birth! What's to stop any random bloke going and doing it? How would they know that the mum consented??

Given that scenario, what's to stop any random woman doing the same?
DS1 and DiL had to go together because they weren't married and the baby has his surname.
He couldn't do it on his own even though it was what they both wanted.
Neither could DiL use DS1's surname without him being there.

Corkyandviolet · 17/01/2014 22:33

Mrsminiverscharlady - the logic behind this policy is that a single mother registering her baby could put any man's name down as the father, if she were allowed to register both parents on her own. Likewise, a man who is not the father of the baby could theoretically register himself as the father when he isn't (though I doubt many men would do that!), if single fathers were allowed to register alone. When the couple are married, it's assumed that they are definitely the parents of the baby. I think you're right that it's a bit old-fashioned and needs to be updated, though I'm not sure how.

FryOneFatManic · 17/01/2014 22:34

gamerchick I believe you have up to 12 months to change the name of a baby.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 22:34

So why should a woman be able to register alone, even if she is married, maybe the DH doesn't agree with the choices, having given this a bit more thought, I don't actually see the problem other than it was the MiLs choice, not theirs and he should have agreed it first if he wasn't bothered.
Lucky it's a middle name eh.

TaraLott · 17/01/2014 22:35

If you do have 12 months to change it then get on down there and do it.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/01/2014 22:35

Tara,if your in the uk that is bollocks.

You can use any surname you wish to name a child,you just can't list the dad in the father space if yor not married and he does not attend

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 17/01/2014 22:36

Bloody Hell - some of you are ridiculous - furious and finding it hard to forgive?? It's a 2nd middle name for his own child... He didn't call her bob / fat Mary... Not that big a deal!