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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DP BU to cancel maintenance payments to ex...

234 replies

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:06

If he gets fined for her taking their 2 kids out of school for a weeks holiday with her partner.

It would only be until his share of the fine has been paid off. This is in light of the recent court case where a couple got taken to court and have to pay nearly a grand for taking their kids out on holiday. Apparently each parent is liable, even non-resident ones who have done nothing wrong! Why should our family suffer for HER holiday!

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 15/01/2014 20:08

YABU. The payment of maintenance and the payment of the fine for taking a child out of school to go on holiday are two legally distinct matters. While both have financial elements to them, they are legally different onuses.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/01/2014 20:10

If he has PR and the holiday is abroad then he can stop the ex taking them out of the country.

Joules68 · 15/01/2014 20:10

Yabu

You don't mess around like that. Regardless.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/01/2014 20:11

Could he go into the school and say he doesn't give consent in writing.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:11

Can he prevent her from taking them out of school then?

OP posts:
tudorqueen · 15/01/2014 20:11

YANBU to be concerned about this as local authorities are cracking down on this. I think he needs to talk to someone to be sure of his legal position re this fine before he makes a rash decision that may cause him more problems down the line.

BohemianGirl · 15/01/2014 20:12

Depends if he wants his children t o starve or not. Perhaps he could send food parcels?

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2014 20:13

Once he knows the holiday is definitely booked, he needs to write to the head teacher and tell them he totally opposes it...and ask the head to pass the letter on to any relevant authority.

If they still fine him, he can appeal it in court and produce his copy of the letter.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 15/01/2014 20:13

YANBU to be pissed off, but YABVU to support him stopping the maintenance payments. You don't get to opt out of paying for your DC.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:13

Btw the payments are voluntary, never needed to go through csa. DP is a very caring father and always pays extra for things like school trips etc. I just don't see why he should have to pay a fine when he hasn't been involved in this decision!

OP posts:
Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:15

They won't starve ffs! She works, as does her dp! They probably have more money than us! And we also have 2 children who will suffer from the fine

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/01/2014 20:16

I think 'starving' is a tad OTT but he does need to put his opposition in writing and keep a copy himself.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:16

Plus we can't go on holiday full stop. Can't afford even a camping holiday! Even if we went during school term!

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:16

Sorry he is being unreasonable. The maintenance he pays is for his children upbringing so is effectively punishing his child for his Ex's stupidity.

Get him to contact a solicitor or even CAB and go through the proper channels.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:18

Who will pay for solicitor? Why should we be out of pocket at all? Sooooo frustrating!!!!!

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 15/01/2014 20:19

He needs to remind her about how seriously they take these things now. If she doesn't listen, once he knows the holiday is booked, he needs to contact the head and say it's going against his wishes. This, however, will cause an utter shit storm. Just so he knows.

He would be very unreasonable to stop payments. And in the end that would just look worse for him anyway.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/01/2014 20:20

I think it's £60 per child per parent. I would deduct £120 from the maintenance. It may seem harsh but why should the NRP pay a fine when he hasn't consented to the holiday or for the DC being taken out of school.

formerbabe · 15/01/2014 20:21

Yabu...the children still need to be financially supported despite this.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:21

You can get an hours free consultation with most solicitors these days. And he can apply to the court directly without one.

I'm sorry but YABU, he has an obligation to support his children financially. There are other ways to sort this out other than him pulling maintenance.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2014 20:21

Whether you can afford a holiday or not is irrelevant

You won't need a solicitor

Just get him to write the letter to the head and keep a copy Hmm

No court in the land would make him pay a fine, once he's proved he couldn't stop her and he was opposed to it.

DizzyZebra · 15/01/2014 20:23

What Worra said.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:23

Forty Really? So his children go without? What's wrong with doing things through the proper channels.

Can't stand parents who pull maintenance just because they can.

BrianTheMole · 15/01/2014 20:23

Once he knows the holiday is definitely booked, he needs to write to the head teacher and tell them he totally opposes it...and ask the head to pass the letter on to any relevant authority.

^this^

Purplepoodle · 15/01/2014 20:24

Perhaps he could reduce payments by a small amount until the fine is paid off but he needs to inform his ex in writing this is what will happen if he is fined

ParenthoodJourney · 15/01/2014 20:25

Wow I feel unreasonable now as I was completely on your side OP with YANBU!

Seems like there are other ways to sort it though and some posters have given advice so you will not have to pull maintenance

Good luck