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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DP BU to cancel maintenance payments to ex...

234 replies

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:06

If he gets fined for her taking their 2 kids out of school for a weeks holiday with her partner.

It would only be until his share of the fine has been paid off. This is in light of the recent court case where a couple got taken to court and have to pay nearly a grand for taking their kids out on holiday. Apparently each parent is liable, even non-resident ones who have done nothing wrong! Why should our family suffer for HER holiday!

OP posts:
LooseTheBlubber · 15/01/2014 20:26

YABU, those children will loose out enough financially as it is.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/01/2014 20:26

so you think that the children the NRP and OP have together should suffer because of the RP decision.

£120 when you are skint is a lot of money to lose.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:26

Forty doors, that was what he was considering, as £120 is probably about one month's payment. He has tried discussing it with her but she is adamant and seems to think the school will just let it go. He is worried about creating a "shit storm" as someone so eloquently described it by complaining to the school. I do think that is the best course of action but I also think the current ruling is unfair on nrp!!!

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:27

And why 120 when he would only be paying out 60 in the first place?

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:28

Sorry just realised it was 2 children. Either way there are other channels to go through

FudgefaceMcZ · 15/01/2014 20:28

Why should his children (the important people in all this) suffer because their mother has booked a holiday in termtime and their father wants to be vindictive about it? I hope you don't get fined, but if you do then you need to address it through sensible channels, not in a way that may well harm the children involved.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/01/2014 20:29

MeepMeepVrooooom ( love your name) it's because it £60 per child per parent.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:30

Why should our children suffer because we have to pay the fine for her holiday? They don't get a nice trip away as it is, and on top we have to pay for her holiday?

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:31

Thanks Grin

I still think it would be better to go through other channels to either stop the holiday or like others have suggested going through the school.

This just seems like getting one over on his ex when actually the money for for his kids not their mother.

Like I said, I hate parents pulling maintenance just because they have the option, especially when there are other options available.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:32

There are actually 4 children affected by this. The 2 who live with DP ex, and the 2 who live with us. So ours should suffer double whammy?

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:33

missy it's neither here nor there that you cannot afford a holiday.

You don't seem to want to take the advice of going through the school or obtaining a court order so what did you post for? It seems like you posted to be told you aren't being unfair.

tudorqueen · 15/01/2014 20:34

Also talk to the local authority - children's services and definitely the Headteacher. Re a solicitor there are various ones where you can get an hour or half an hour for free. Then, if she goes ahead with it - withhold the money. If they can afford a holiday, then they can afford to feed the children, so don't feel guilty for depriving them. If she then takes your DP to court, he can show that he did not give his permission etc.

This is just a personal opinion, I'm not a solicitor.

Original poster
missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:37

I will take the advice. Whether DP does is another matter! At the end of the day, I'm annoyed because I don't see why we should be put in this impossible situation!

OP posts:
jacks365 · 15/01/2014 20:38

Missy you are coming across as jealous that she can afford a holiday and you seem to want to make her suffer. £120 a moonth for 2 children doesn't sound much.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:38

I very much doubt anyone would take anyone to court over £120.

There has been an awful lot of good advice about alternative options available so that OPs DP wouldn't have to pay the fine, however OP doesn't seem that interested in these. It is his moral obligation to provide for his DC whether or not their mother can put food on the table.

Viviennemary · 15/01/2014 20:38

If his ex partner chooses to take the children in term time and risk a fine then she should be liable to pay it. I think he should deduct the amount from his maintenance but over a period of time. And inform her in writing of his intentions. Also agree with writing to the school. This would be an interesting test case in court.

Picturesinthefirelight · 15/01/2014 20:38

No one is listening to the op. why should her children suffer to the tune of £120 because of the actions of her dps ex.

DontmindifIdo · 15/01/2014 20:39

Get him to write a letter to the Head, also call the local authority, you might find that as long as he makes his opposition to the holiday in advance, then he won't be fined.

It would be an interesting legal case, could the father be fined for a holiday he had no say over? While he can refuse to let them leave the country, not sure what you can do to stop a UK holiday.

balia · 15/01/2014 20:40

I don't think it will be the school's decision. They used to be able to authorise holidays but now it is the decision of the LA - and they are really cracking down. You should find out if writing to the head to say you don't consent is enough to avoid the fine...have you posted in legal?

Elsiequadrille · 15/01/2014 20:41

I was also thinking that £120 a month for two children doesn't sound like very much at all...

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:41

Picture

I can see perfectly well what OP is saying. I'm not sure she can see the more sensible solutions to this problem though.

But if you insist on going down that road why should his other children suffer because of the ridiculousness of their mother. It isn't their choice to be taken out of school.

tudorqueen · 15/01/2014 20:42

Missy - do remember, this is MN and you will be flamed by some people for merely daring to be a step-mother/2nd wife!!

Oh, and in some eyes all first wives are perfect.

I agree. Why should your children suffer and you are NBU.

Good luck

Elsiequadrille · 15/01/2014 20:42

Worra gave sensible advice up thread.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:43

It doesn't sound an awful lot to me either but if it's all he can afford then at least it is something.

Monetbyhimself · 15/01/2014 20:45

You've had plenty of sensible advice about how to proceed. Rather than getting hysterical and indignant, perhaps take that advice, stop encouraging your DH to withold financial support from his children and deal with any fines'if' and when they happen.

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