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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DP BU to cancel maintenance payments to ex...

234 replies

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:06

If he gets fined for her taking their 2 kids out of school for a weeks holiday with her partner.

It would only be until his share of the fine has been paid off. This is in light of the recent court case where a couple got taken to court and have to pay nearly a grand for taking their kids out on holiday. Apparently each parent is liable, even non-resident ones who have done nothing wrong! Why should our family suffer for HER holiday!

OP posts:

allnewtaketwo · 15/01/2014 20:45

YANBU. The PWC has chosen to take £60 from the children, so I doubt very much they are starving

needaholidaynow · 15/01/2014 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whattimeisitanyway · 15/01/2014 20:46

I think you are jumping the gun a bit OP. Have they even booked the holiday yet? Have they asked the head teacher's permission? Have the had it denied?
I think your DP needs to discuss this further with his ex. Once he knows that the holiday has been booked and what the dates are, he can write to the school and the LA, stating that he does not wish them to be removed from school during term time, keeping a copy, obviously.
In addition, if he has parental responsibility, his ex partner would presumably need his permission to take the children out of the country (not sure if the holiday is abroad or not).

NorthernLurker · 15/01/2014 20:47

If he is fined than yes I think it's fair enough to say that because of the fine she has incurred for him, he can't pay the usual amount. He can pay the amount - the fine. As of course the dc must not suffer because of her foolishness, the kids can come and stay with you for extra days so that you can feed them. Easier to make food stretch for 6 than magic up a fine PLUS maintainence. That way the kids are fine and the fine is paid.

Original poster

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:47

He doesn't pay much in maintenance because he doesn't earn masses and he also has 2 children who live with him to support also! But it doesn't matter about them evidently.

I have discussed the very sensible points some posters have made, and urged him to write to the school head about it, expressing his objection to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:48

I like your thinking, Northern!

OP posts:

needaholidaynow · 15/01/2014 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/01/2014 20:49

Why not just formally oppose the holiday in advance.

If you don't agree to it and can evidence that you made it clear you don't agree then its unlikely you would not have grounds to either have the fine not made against your DH or to appeal it.

Don't piss about with maintenance.

LooseTheBlubber · 15/01/2014 20:49

Because a law is not thought through it does not justify breaking other laws.

Pay the maintenance and deal with the fines as a different issue. The fines for a parent who didn't make the choice to take children out of school are daft, fight that law.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2014 20:49

I will take the advice. Whether DP does is another matter! At the end of the day, I'm annoyed because I don't see why we should be put in this impossible situation!

If he doesn't then he only has himself to blame if he ends up paying a fine.

No shitstorm will be caused by simply voicing his opposition to the holiday in writing. NRP parents do this all the time to cover themselves (and quite rightly).

The schools are quite used to it.

If he can't be arsed to type a letter, then he's going to have to pay.

mysteryfairy · 15/01/2014 20:51

It's immaterial as he can avoid the fine by either advising the school he does not support them being removed or getting an order to prevent them being taken on holiday.

How does he feel about them being removed from school as if this were my children I'd be more worried about the impact on their education than a possible fine and would focus on minimising the damage.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 20:51

Well I think you have done what you can OP. Ultimately it's his decision but I would persist in trying to get him to speak to the school at the bare minimum.

Of course your children matter, the point I was trying to make is that there are other way of handling it, but as someone correctly pointed out they will be missing the money from somewhere regardless if the mother decides to go ahead.

I still don't think he should pull maintenance in the first instance but that is my personal opinion.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/01/2014 20:53

YANBU

Should he be fined he should recoup the cost from the person who incurred the fine on his behalf.

Let her know in advance that this will be happening so she can factor the costs into the price of her holiday.

Original poster

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 20:57

Well the whole taking kids out of school issue is a bit of a sore point with me anyway. I've always been passionately opposed to it on the grounds of it being irresponsible and negative for kids education. So being fined for it just adds salt to the wound! But I'm just the step mother in this issue, I have 0% input.

OP posts:

notallytuts · 15/01/2014 20:58

YANBU at all

if she can afford her £120 fine, then the maintenance money clearly isnt the difference between the kids eating or not. How ridiculous.

Original poster

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 21:02

Exactly my thoughts, totallytuts

OP posts:

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 21:05

OP has your DP discussed the issue of the fine with his ex?

Joules68 · 15/01/2014 21:06

Well it's up to your DH what he does. They are his kids and his responsibility

Boreoff456 · 15/01/2014 21:06

Can I just point out that case in the news wasn't just a case of taking the out for the holiday. The childrens attendance was already quite bad.

Anyway it seems OP, that your DP is causing the issue as you don't believe he will do what he can to avoid this.

I don't see how he can stop maintenance if he does nothing to voice his objections before hand.

WhatDoYouDoWithToothpaste · 15/01/2014 21:07

Stopping CM as a form of punishment to the PWC because you don't like their behaviour is akin to stopping child contact, not a classy move, very Jeremy Kyle!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/01/2014 21:10

"Well it's up to your DH what he does. They are his kids and his responsibility"

If his actions (or lack thereof) are going to put a £120 hole in his household budget, then his wife also gets a say in what he does.

Givemeabiscuit · 15/01/2014 21:11

Why should the poor man have to pay he has done nothing wrong.

tudorqueen · 15/01/2014 21:11

Joules68 - it's rather more complicated than that as there is a financial impact on other children as well.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 15/01/2014 21:13

I just can't help but think that albeit he hasn't done anything wrong but he isn't actually trying to do anything to stop the possible outcome either...

Can I complain if my house burns down when I saw the curtains on fire and thought... Nah I'll just leave it?

Original poster

missymarmite · 15/01/2014 21:14

He has discussed it with ex, if you read my posts from earlier you would know this. She is still adamant that she can "get away with it" and if not, her share of the £340 fine is probably still cheaper than going during the school holiday.

OP posts:

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