Is DP BU to cancel maintenance payments to ex...

[missymarmite]

If he gets fined for her taking their 2 kids out of school for a weeks holiday with her partner.

It would only be until his share of the fine has been paid off. This is in light of the recent court case where a couple got taken to court and have to pay nearly a grand for taking their kids out on holiday. Apparently each parent is liable, even non-resident ones who have done nothing wrong! Why should our family suffer for HER holiday!

Sorry OP I read all your posts but must have missed that one.

But has he voiced his objections to anyone officially. I.E. The school?

missymarmite
She won't get away with it. This is something that is being cracked down on, unless there is a legitimate reason, then all requests will be refused and sent to the LA and she will be fined.

dds school is an academy and we were told no holidays as per the LA. They used to allow up to 2 weeks, previously.

We had already booked one (a week) the school could not auth it. But we didn't get any issues.

If it was authorised last term, then yes, you might get away with it, but not now.

Your logic makes no sense , the maintenance is for your dp's children not his ex. So basically he wants to steal of his dc because might be financially disadvantaged by his ex's decision.

Could your dp write to his ex and cc the head teacher and anybody else as appropriate to say that he does not want the children to be removed from school during term time, that he is willing for them to stay with him for the duration of ex's holiday and that he will be responsible for getting them to school during that time and that ex will be liable for all fines that he incurs as a result of taking them away on holiday against his wishes - and that if she doesn't pay them and he ends up having to, then unless she arranges to pay him back separately, he will take this as notice that he will withold it from maintenance payments. Furthermore, he does not know how or if he is able to stop his wife from taking his dc on holiday as he does not want them to go during term time but that he would like it to be put on the record that he doesn't want his dc to go in this instance. and that he is taking steps to find out if there is anything he can do to this end.

Hopefully this will help to cover his back should he get taken to court along with his ex and maybe if she sees it written out and that the head teacher has been involved, maybe it will make her think twice, especially if she sees that by taking the dc away without his consent she will be accepting liability for any fines incurred by your dh.

The head teacher may also be able to advise on if there is anything that can be done to stop the kids from being taken.

Make sure they get sent by recorded signed-for delivery.

It's all very well saying that the dp shouldn't withold the money from maintenance but if the ex is doing this against the wishes of the dp and it could have a financial impact on the dp, then quite frankly, as he knows the kids won't starve, I don't see why he should make her liable for any costs he incurs as a result of her actions.

He's not refusing to pay for a school trip or ballet lessons or a laptop or winter coat - each of which would be discussed in terms of affordability and need vs want, as it would if they were still together. He's potentially being opened up to paying £1000 that he can't afford as a result of her actions. If she is so keen to go away then she has to bear all the costs, not expect her ex to fork out! (not to mention a potential cout appearance and fine, and any ramifications of those).

How many people would be happy to risk a £1000+ fine as a result of their ex doing something that they didn't agree with and that also was illegal.

(apologies if this cross posts with anyone - started this ages ago and got distracted by the dc)

Op why did your dp go on to have two more children with you if he is only supporting the children he already has to the tune of less than £15 a week.

Oh that's a helpful comment Soontobe

It does make you wonder SoonToBeSix when you read the anger in the posts at these second relationship Woman resenting the first family's children being paid maintenance.

Love it - everyone thinks YABU
No one has mentioned that your DPs ex is a) choosing to go against the wishes of her children's father and b) going against the best interests of the children.
If this was my DP I would suggest that he writes a letter to his ex saying that he opposes the holiday because taking the children out of school (unless in extreme circumstances) is not in their best interests and if his wishes are ignored he will inform the local authority of her decision and ensure that he is not liable for any fine. Then make sure she gets a copy of the letter to the local authority.

I've got no legal training whatsoever so don't know whether this is the correct legal thing to do. I do speak as a step mum in the most fraught family situation where DPs ex dominates our lives and frequently goes against the express wishes of my DP. We let it all go on for too long in order to have an easier ride - that was a big mistake and has made for a much rockier ride than I ever thought we'd have.
And no... For those out there who will assume is was the OW... I wasn't (but DPs ex has told the children that I wrecked their marriage). Women and mothers do not always act in the best interests of their children (and neither is the OP's partners ex)

"if not, her share of the £340 fine is probably still cheaper than going during the school holiday."

As long as the understands that "her share" of the £340 is £340, then that's up to her.

Now he only needs to worry about his children missing school so their mother can save money on a holiday.

Nobody know why the relationship ended in the first place.

It's not always the fathers fault. She could have had an affair and overnight the fathers life has changed. Isn't he allowed a bit of happiness after the break up.

heidiwine I think you'll find the majority only thinks he's BU if he doesn't inform the head that he is opposed to this (thus saving himself from a possible fine) and if he stops maintenance to pay for a possible fine.

Worra - that's not how I read it (perhaps projecting my own situation on this).
However I think he should go one step further and notify the local authority (not the head) because they will issue the fine (not the head). This will more than likely increase the chances if a fine but IMO the children should not miss school for a holiday (unless both parents are in agreement)

Worra That is bang on.

YABU you do not stop a payment meant to support children over this.

Either fight your case with the school (it's not the mother's fault the rules changed btw.Perhaps while your Sat being selfish you could consider how fair it is on her that such things will now cause problems with you,that would never gave existed before)

Or suck it up.

Don't remove the kids money,it is not their fault and no decent parent would do it.

If you do stop it,expect a letter to land on your doorstep from CMS

Surely if you can commit financially to going on holiday, you should be prepared to pay the fine yourself. This isn't the dad refusing to send money for food, this is him refusing to pay his ex's unnecessary fines.

I think taking it out of CM should be a last resort or avoided if possible though, try official channels first. Taking it out of CM just sends a nasty message.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Love your name!