Is DP BU to cancel maintenance payments to ex...

[missymarmite]

If he gets fined for her taking their 2 kids out of school for a weeks holiday with her partner.

It would only be until his share of the fine has been paid off. This is in light of the recent court case where a couple got taken to court and have to pay nearly a grand for taking their kids out on holiday. Apparently each parent is liable, even non-resident ones who have done nothing wrong! Why should our family suffer for HER holiday!

missymarmite - I'm so sorry for you.

YABVVU.

I find it absolutely extraordinary that NRP are fined. That is hardly natural justice.

I'm not sure it's happened yet, boffinmum. I certainly haven't heard of any cases. The policy is clearly stating that the fine will be for both parents - but I'm not sure there is any real guidance on how on earth that is supposed to work with separated parents. It'll happen, I guess, at some point but I do think it can be avoided with a sensible approach to the problem.

Schools won't want to get in the middle of a parenting battle. Schools are 'ordered' to keep their attendance levels up. If they start demanding money from both parents where they are separated, they run the very real risk of the other parent saying 'fuck it, I'll take them out as well, then' as a means of evening up the score...which will do the opposite of what this policy is aiming to do: keep attendance levels high. Schools with high levels of separated parents will, I suspect, find their attendance levels drop through the floor.

has the ex said that she won't pat the whole fine? What has been discussed with the ex?

indeed maddening. Maybe he should just ask the ex to pay the fine?

Ya know, talk to her?

She might have very good reasons for needing to take the holiday in term time.

Yanbu

Tell him to write the fecking letter!

I will tell him to write the 'fecking' letter

He will ask her to pay it if there is a fine (we don't know for sure yet if the school will actually make a thing of it yet), but I suspect he already knows she will refuse to pay it. However, she may decide to be fair minded, you never know.

One of the reasons I fell in love with DP is he is just such a good father. He is so committed and generous. After XH I still get shocked by it, you know. So I don't like the idea of him being taken advantage of.

I think I just needed to rant because it is just so, you know, unfair. I know life is unfair and you just have to live with it. I do. From experience. I don't have to like it though!

The fines aren't up to schools though. The fines are up to the council. The schools only pass on details of absent children. This is the problem. The decision is taken away from schools which have a relationship with the family, and know their individual circumstances, to cold, distant, and most likely jobsworth council workers who will just tick some boxes on a form.

Whilst you aren't being unreasonableop to be pissed off with his ex wife, I think you've got a few people's backs up as you seem to want to moan about the perceived injustice of the situation snd don't want to consider anything than the nuclear option of withholding maintenance.

It will tsle one fucking letter to mske all this go away. You and your partner could have written it in the time you've been doing the woe is me act on here.

We don't know that one letter will make it all go away though, do we? There is no precedent. This is new legislation. I don't want to be part of a legal battle about paying if the council should decide to 'make an example'.

What Compo said.

OP, you came on here with a problem, people have given you an extremely easy solution. All the drama and woe about being the 2nd person and where ExW goes on holiday is completely unnecessary.

Also, I get the feeling that if maintenance is stopped for this "offence", there will be other "offences" further down the line that will be be "punished" in a similar way.

Once you start seeing CM as something other then money the children are entitled to, come what may, regardless of what the ExW does, then it's a very, very slippery slope.

Not sure if anyone has already said this but the refusal to let the dc be taken out if the country if you have pr? Untrue. Only if its for more than 28 days if my memory serves me, unless something has changed that I don't know about.

Your partner making his position clear in a letter sent to head teacher stating his position will minimise the chances of this happening.

Whilst doing nothing, moaning and feeling hard done to will achieve what?

but it hasn't even happened yet.

She might yet offer to pay, or agree to pay.

So where is the unfairness?

you decide to withold CM in case something happens.

Whatever. I'm going to have another .

Writing a letter is just part of it. And no guarantee, either, that DP WON'T get fined. Here's hoping. But unless you are in our situation, perhaps better to refrain from putting on judgy-pants, eh?

I can understand your reservations about not wanting to BE the precedent but you have nothing to feel bad about. Of course your DH and shouldn't be liable for this fine. I don't see that the authority would have a legal leg to stand on, and I speak as someone with no legal knowledge at all but based on my opinion that is the case!!!

just call her. why the drama?

I'm not judging, just can't work out where the issue is, at this moment?

If his ex takes them on holiday and in term time, and if your DH is fined, then YANBU to reduce the MP by that amount. That is entirely fair.

If he opposes the holiday before it happens, he will 'kick up a shitstorm'. If he doesn't oppose it, and is fined, then he will 'kick up a shitstorm' by reducing the MP to cover the fine. I'd go with the second option, to be honest, as the fine may never come to pass even if the holiday does, and it seems silly to call up the ol' shitstorm over something that may never happen.

Have as much wine as required. It helps.

OP, this is AIBU, not Agree With Me Or Else.

I'm starting to think there are far bigger issues then a possible fine here.

Ffs! How may times! HE HAS Phoned her! He has agreed to write a fucking letter! How many effing times do I have to repeat it?

In the hypothetical situation, whereby the authorities decide to be twonks (IMO fairly common), should we have to pay the fine if she refuses? If we refuse to pay, we would incur court costs, not to mention stress and anxiety. And no guarantee of winning.

Yes, I agree, it would make no sense. But since when has the legal system made sense? There are plenty of examples of miscarriages of justice to make me slightly wary.

I don't want the hassle, or the expense. And I don't se why I, or my partner, or our kids should have to have this dumped on us.

Blimey. I'd hate to see you in action when something really important goes down.

And I will keep on going on about it because some people like to make it almost a personal character assassination on here! Makes you feel like you have to justify everything! And I bloody well should know better because I don't have to justify anything to a bunch of judgemental strangers!