To be cross with friend for making my DS cry?

[revealall]

So it's my birthday at the end of the week. I am a single parent with DS in year 5. I have plenty of family,friends and work colleagues to celebrate with and it's not a "big" birthday.

The friend in question is a bit controlling but means well and has a DS in the year below. Before Christmas (every year) she offers to take my son out shopping so he can buy me a present. Every year I say no as my son has never brought up the subject of shopping and I would rather have the home or school offerings he brings me.

Today she asks if my DS wants a playdate with her DS. I say yes and when I pick him up there is a gift bag and lots of theatrical winking and shushing. DS later proudly says that he has a surprise for my birthday.

Cut to bedtime and after going up to clean his teeth, I find DS in bed in floods of tears. He doesn't want to tell me why. He eventually tells me that I already have the present he brought and that I don't even like it because it hasn't been used. I look in the bathroom and sure enough there is one of those 3 for 2 Boots bath sets of a brand I don't really like. Guess what...it's exactly the one the friend in question brought me for Christmas.

What do I do? I feel bad for DS as he wanted to buy me something special from him. He said the friend said I like the brand but apart from a polite "thank you" I have never said I like it (because I don't).Despite saying how nice bath stuff is to have, he isn't stupid.He knows I haven't used the first one for a reason.I'm very cross with friend for causing this situation.I have always said I don't want brought stuff from DS and then she makes him buy me the same thing she got me? Should I be cross or am I ungrateful?

Bowlers - how do you mean "real"? They're actually not "real" - if we didn't have a tradition of celebrating the date you were born then they wouldn't exist. They are just a made up social convention, like Santa.

Jimmy -we don't make out he exists, we don't write letters to him etc. We tell Santa stories but we don't say he comes to the house at Christmas.

Yes of course, and how do we know that she didn't do that?

I think some of us suspect the op put her foot in it by mentioning crappy toiletry presents and how she hates them, or said something else that made him feel his present was crap, and is now deflecting guilt onto the friend

Why is it ok for this woman, who the OP has said is 'controlling' to pull this shit? She is rebuffed annually at Christmas, so has picked another festive date to mess with. It's nasty. She needs to back the hell off, and the only way that will happen is if she is told in clear terms that she has overstepped a boundary.

Cailin a birth day isn't real?????? I had a day I was born. And anniversaries of when that happened. What a bizarre way of thinking.

To be honest it wouldn't occur to me to be annoyed at the friend.

It was unfortunate that your son cried on realising it was a duplicate but things like that happen and can be quickly resolved with the right attitude.

Your friend couldn't have anticipated that would happen.

She needs to back the hell off, and the only way that will happen is if she is told in clear terms that she has overstepped a boundary.

Or you could take this approach if you get fed up of having friends....

The day you were born is real of course, as is any other day. But the concept of celebrating that date every year isn't "real" any more than any other concept is, it's just an idea. If we didn't have that idea the celebration called a "birthday" wouldn't exist. Not everyone in the world celebrates birthdays.

Cailin - I really don't know why you used that as a comparison. Doesn't really compare does it?

Why doesn't it compare Jimmy?

But the friend didn't ask to take the boy shopping for birthday gift - she asked for Christmas!!!! I get the feeling the op had a whinge about the gift she received at Xmas from the friend and when the boy realises it was the same gift that's why he got upset!!! If the op didn't tell friend she didn't like the gift then she isn't to know it was a bad gift to give

Because it doesn't. Try explaining how and why it does. I'm very intrigued

Cailin whether people say that or not (you are the first i have heard), in this case it is irrelevant.

The OP did acknowledge her birthday. She said she would have liked her DS to make her something for her birthday. And that she was celebrating it with family and friends.

But the friend didn't ask to take the boy shopping for birthday gift - she asked for Christmas!!!! I get the feeling the op had a whinge about the gift she received at Xmas from the friend and when the boy realises it was the same gift that's why he got upset!!! If the op didn't tell friend she didn't like the gift then she isn't to know it was a bad gift to give

^^

Exactly!

Mother makes it clear to friend that she doesn't want something done with her son. Friend does it anyway. Mother is upset at her wishes being ignored.

That's how it's the same.

It's not the same as writing a letter to Santa.

Friend likes the thought of doing something nice for her friend the OP. Has a think. Lone parent. No DP around. Thinks its nice to get the ops DS involved. How lovely

OP

Friend

Nope sorry. Still can't see the comparison

Ok Jimmy, I see you're not willing to actually discuss it so I'll let it go.

You missed out a bit though Bowers - where the friend asked OP and OP said NO!

I was actually but your 'answer' didn't explain the comparison at all and you know it didn't.

The reason you can't give an answer is because the two things don't compare.

'Writing a letter to Santa' was a bit of a daft thing to say really.

So can you explain how they don't compare jimmy. Rather than commenting on what I say being "daft"?

And I actually have given an answer but you haven't explained why you don't agree.

Born i don't think I have I missed that bit. Apologies if I have, and direct me to it.

The ops friend always wants to take DS out before Christmas to buy her a christmas present and she says no, so the friend doesn't.

The friend has a great idea that maybe the ops DS could get her something for her birthday. The OP hasn't said NO to that. It hasn't been discussed.

Brain hurts.

Beeyump