To be cross with friend for making my DS cry?

[revealall]

So it's my birthday at the end of the week. I am a single parent with DS in year 5. I have plenty of family,friends and work colleagues to celebrate with and it's not a "big" birthday.

The friend in question is a bit controlling but means well and has a DS in the year below. Before Christmas (every year) she offers to take my son out shopping so he can buy me a present. Every year I say no as my son has never brought up the subject of shopping and I would rather have the home or school offerings he brings me.

Today she asks if my DS wants a playdate with her DS. I say yes and when I pick him up there is a gift bag and lots of theatrical winking and shushing. DS later proudly says that he has a surprise for my birthday.

Cut to bedtime and after going up to clean his teeth, I find DS in bed in floods of tears. He doesn't want to tell me why. He eventually tells me that I already have the present he brought and that I don't even like it because it hasn't been used. I look in the bathroom and sure enough there is one of those 3 for 2 Boots bath sets of a brand I don't really like. Guess what...it's exactly the one the friend in question brought me for Christmas.

What do I do? I feel bad for DS as he wanted to buy me something special from him. He said the friend said I like the brand but apart from a polite "thank you" I have never said I like it (because I don't).Despite saying how nice bath stuff is to have, he isn't stupid.He knows I haven't used the first one for a reason.I'm very cross with friend for causing this situation.I have always said I don't want brought stuff from DS and then she makes him buy me the same thing she got me? Should I be cross or am I ungrateful?

[Quangle]

Not read whole thread - only first page but you are being unreasonable. She didn't make your son cry - he's picked up on your irritation with your friend.

I am a single parent too and one or two friends/family members make an effort to buy me something for the kids to give me. It doesn't matter what they give me - it makes them feel important and I love my friends for thinking about it and making it happen even if it's something I don't want or already have. There is really nothing else to think about it. It's a kindness and children learn about giving. End of.

[ZombiesAreClammyDodgers]

I agree that the friend sounds dominating but she didn't make her son cry.

[kali110]

Think yabu

[ceebie]

revealall forget about your friend. She was daft but well-meaning.

The problem is you telling your son that you don't want a present from him. Children enjoy giving presents and it is important for them to experience the pleasure of giving. Who else would your DS want to give to more than you, his DM?

Please tell DS that you are touched by the fact that he wanted to get you a present. Tell him that having two of something is fine. However, the problem with the present he bought is that he didn't choose it. What you really, really want, most in the world, is something chosen by him. YOU should be providing him with the opportunity to choose something for you - even if it is a block of cheese from the Co-op.