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AIBU?

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Original poster

Seething at school run friend's partner

193 replies

4posterbed · 13/01/2014 13:58

I share the school run and bring home 2 other dc daily as we all live rurally, no school buses etc. These dc's parents take mine to school in the mornings (school starts 8:45am)while I do the after school pick up. The parents collect from my house around 3:45pm.

Recently one of the parent's came round at 7:30am to collect mine from school and because they normally come at 8:15 my dc were not ready. As a result, they missed their pick up which meant I had to take them in.

I wasn't happy about the change as had not been told. The mum told me her partner (father of her dc) wanted to punish her ( he is unemployed while she has a good job as a deputy head) for whatever reason, and as a result was now refusing to help get his dc with the school run.

Because she had to go to work, the only way she could get there in time was to pick up 7:30am. I am cross that my dc have to suffer because of her selfish partner. She told me he was lazy, never contributed financially, did nothing around the house and now was refusing to help out with the school run knowing what an impact it would have and hoping she would lose her job and that I would not want to carry on sharing the lifts.

I could not believe it! Basically, she said as he was the father of her dc the dc wanted him in their lives and so she has to put up with it and him living parasitically in their home.

This woman is so used to being so badly treated by him (we have shared the school run for years and I had no idea it was like this) I am utterly gobsmacked and believe she has also 'enabled' him to treat her this way.

I have texted him saying don't worry if he was going through a hard time right now I would do everything I could to help out (he was not picking his dc up from my house at 3:45 anymore leaving me to be an unpaid babysitter until the mum collected at 4:30-5pm). He texted back saying do not interfere so I then texted back saying how selfish
he was being and his dc needed a kind and thoughtful dad!

Now the mum has texted me to say she cannot pick up until 5pm but I have to go out (I am a volunteer driver) but I have agreed to let her dc stay here.

I have texted her 'is your partner still refusing to help out?' She hasn't replied because the answer is obviously yes. I feel put upon because of his selfishness and I feel like texting him again saying I am looking after his dc again and that his job!!

I am so angry about this, what should I do?

I could say no more sharing but then that would shoot me in the foot and punish the dc.

OP posts:
kotinka · 14/01/2014 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/01/2014 17:20

Well done. I think you handled that very effectively.

fedup21 · 14/01/2014 17:27

Well done. What a horrible lady she is!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/01/2014 17:41

Almost didn't dare read the update but am so glad I did.

Well done OP yes indeed do "suit yourself" and don't give that lot another thought.

MrsSquirrel · 14/01/2014 17:42

It had slipped her mind Hmm

Well done 4poster for standing up for yourself!

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 17:50

"Suit yourself"!

Wow! She really had managed to convince herself that she was doing you a favour didnt she?!

Now you need to be ready for the follow up. If I am any judge of people like this, and sadly I am, having been a victim, you will get some sort of half assed apology before her kids are back from skiing. It will probably be about Thursday next week when she has exhausted all her other mugs contacts, and has realised that she has no childcare and the DickHead will still not pull his weight.

This will probably involve flowers or chocolates and a long heart rending explaination about how hard things have been for her with her H being a dick (or ill or whatever), her job, the kids, keeping everything going (she will mention juggling several times). She will say how awful she feels having realised that she took you for granted, then ask you to reconsider and you, being a nice person, will feel bad.

DO NOT FEEL BAD. DO NOT GIVE IN. DO NOT AGREE TO TRY AGAIN!!!

GimmeDaBoobehz · 14/01/2014 17:50

I hate it when good people get taken for granted just for the convenience of others.

I am glad you have stood up for yourself as it's not fair on you or your DCS as you obviously don't get quality time with them when the other kids are there as well and have to cook an awful lot more than you need to. I bet she doesn't contribute to these costs, does she?

YouTheCat · 14/01/2014 17:55

Result! Grin

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 14/01/2014 17:55

she looked angry and drove off saying suit yourself then

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 17:55

Feeling evil now, and just for shits and giggles, when she does ask you to reconsider you could say that you are now registering as a regular CM, would she like you to contact her when you are registered so she can be a client? You would only be charging £X per hour per child, and you would like to thank her SOOOOOOO much, because if it wasnt for all the free childcare you gave her, it wouldnt have crossed your mind to do it professionally!

:o:o:o

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/01/2014 18:08

"it had slipped her mind."

That's got to be in the running for most obvious lie ever. If what she said had happened had happened (her H refusing to help) she would have been anxious about it, it would have been all she was thinking about, how was she going to manage, she'd have been casting about for solutions - in short, one of the first things she would have done would have been to contact you and ask for help. Slipped her mind? My arse. Things slip your mind when you assume you can do as you please, it's covered. She just took it for granted that you were her skivvy and would suck it up.

I totally agree with Bogeyface - she's a user and she will try to use you again. Do not let her. Be breezy about it - 'oh it's so nice to be able to have plans for after school, it's only once you've stopped doing something that you fully appreciate what a bind it had become '. And laugh in her face if she even hints of you skivvying for her reinstating this lopsided 'arrangement'.

Well done you!

PlumpPartridge · 14/01/2014 18:36

Bogeyface has got it on the nose. And well done you for telling her where to get off!

whattimeisitanyway · 14/01/2014 20:28

Well done 4poster! Good for you.

I agree with bogey face. She will try it on again. Please continue to say no!

IDontDoIroning · 14/01/2014 20:56

Sea bass for tea ffs -and they ate yours too - my jaw dropped. No wonder she's pissed off I would be too if I was a self entitled piss taker who was onto a very good thing with regards to free child care and gourmet meals Grin leaving me to use my disposable income on expensive holidays and hobbies for my children.

Just read the full update and well done to you, but as others have said don't be surprised to get some kind of self justifying non apology late next week with an expectation that you will continue the arrangement.

Sick to your guns and enjoy the sea bass

CarriesPawnShop · 14/01/2014 21:08

There's a script for what happens now though. You'll hear nothing while her DC are skiing. Then nothing for a few days as she works through favours and tries to find another mug a permanent replacement. Then, when she realises that the onky sensible solution is paying, she will start a charm offensive on you. It'll only be for one afternoon a week, she's really struggling, her DC miss your DC/the cat/you.

Original poster
4posterbed · 14/01/2014 21:28

I have just reread the first spiel I wrote for this thread and I cannot believe I fell for what she told me tbh. Utter bollocks. No way I will ever be taken for such a ride again.

I honestly don't think she'd have the nerve to ask me any favours ever again and I know my dc are happy as they can invite some of their other friends round for tea now! Wink

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 21:36

I honestly don't think she'd have the nerve to ask me any favours ever again

Wrong.

Sorry. But this is a practised and selfish user. you are looking at this through the eyes of a normal person who would be mortified to have done this. She isnt like you, she doesnt care how you feel or how you view her, as long as she gets what she wants.

I hope I am wrong but am willing to bet a bottle of Wine on it :o

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 21:37

I should add that a normal person wouldnt have had the nerve to do it in the first place would they?

SiliconeSally · 14/01/2014 21:50

Blimey.
If she has horses etc she can afford an au pair or some way to handle the after school slot and the travelling?.

But now you have to undertake a whole extra hour's journey every morning? Is that the outcome you wanted?

SeaSickSal · 14/01/2014 22:03

Well done 4poster. As I said I think the father is working. I suspect the children telling you that he's been told not to work because of 'stress' was something their parents told them to tell you.

It's perfectly possible he is also working illegally whilst claiming benefits which is why they didn't want to admit that. The way they've suddenly done this and come up with a cock and bull story for you just smacks of that.

Original poster
4posterbed · 14/01/2014 22:20

Sea you are right, he is officially on benefits. The dc have said he does occasional work on a farm and he has a security firm in London. DM told me he isn't supposed to be living with them but has been 'parasitically', they are not married and the council house is in her name.

I think this will turn into another thread.

All I know is what they were telling me did not add up and you are right Bogey, her reaction has never been normal. I got the feeling she has pissed off plenty in the horse world too with her boasts of owning a sj pony worth £29k yet leaving yards without paying the livery because of I don't know what.

I am hardened now anyway.

OP posts:
Lilacroses · 14/01/2014 22:29

This isn't working for you OP, I really hope you knock it on the head. I have some lovely friends but there's no way I'd want someone else's children at my house every night till gone 5. It's completely taking the piss.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/01/2014 22:51

I'm not going to take that bet Bogeyface, I like my wine too much know better than to bet against a sure thing! Grin

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 22:56

NOT benefit bashing but wondering how on earth someone who is clearly in with the horsey set is happy to live in a council house? She seems very "appearances" but that doesnt fit in IYKWIM.

I used to live in one, nothing wrong with them, in fact it was nicer and bigger than the house I now own! But it seems a bit odd. £29k horse, show jumping, skiing hols......husband officially not living there and claiming benefits, she is a deputy head, living in a council place.

The picture seems wrong to me. There is more to this than a taking the piss out of a mate and minor benefit fraud...I am sure of it.

aciddrops · 14/01/2014 23:14

Report the bastards