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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member committing benefit fraud.

192 replies

Unsure2014 · 10/01/2014 15:35

I have named changed for this post - for obvious reasons. I'm not a troll, been a member for roughly 18 months.

A family member of mine is claiming as a single parent, living in private rented accommodation paid for by Housing Benefit, etc.

Her boyfriend of just over a year has just got a mortgage on a different property close by. She has moved in with both her children but is still claiming benefits as though she is still living alone at her old address. She goes back to the old house regularly (I'm not sure if it's daily) to open curtains, etc.

I don't have a problem with benefit claimants, so this is not a benefit bashing thread, I just think she is being massively out of order.

Her boyfriend earns quite a good wage and I think she is aware that if she told them her new situation all her benefits, except child benefit, would cease.

AIBU to be thinking of reporting her?

First AIBU.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/01/2014 15:39

I'm not saying what she's doing is right, but she probably wants to see how moving in goes for her and her children first.

Maybe she doesn't want to burn her bridges too quickly, in case it doesn't work out.

Again, I'm not saying it's right but it's a possible explanation.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 10/01/2014 15:41

Have you spoken to your family member about this?

ApprenticeViper · 10/01/2014 15:44

YANBU to be considering it. In fact, in your shoes, I'd have already done it.

I reported a family member years ago for her partner living with her and working, while she claimed as a single person. She said she didn't feel guilty for breaking the law because "everyone does it" (apparently), so I reasoned that I had no cause to feel guilty about shopping her Smile.

Original poster
Unsure2014 · 10/01/2014 15:47

Worra - that probably is the reason. But she is not the type to realise it's not working out and leave. She stayed with her ex (who was an unbelievable prick) for 7 years because she didn't want to be alone. So I know she will stay anyway, even if she is hideously unhappy. She would rather be with any man than be alone.

MeepMeep - she has spoken to me about it. She told me that this is what she was intending on doing. I didn't say anything at the time because I was so shocked. If I were to say something directly to her I would become her worst enemy, which I really don't want. She is the queen of drama and would most likely go round telling all our family what a bitch I am. Which would result in me getting a ton of hassle from several other family members.

OP posts:
knowledgeispowerr · 10/01/2014 15:48

Obviously what she's doing is extremely wrong, but have you even spoken to her about it?

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2014 15:50

You don't know that to be fair

Just because she did it once, doesn't mean she has to do it again.

I wouldn't go behind her back though. Just woman up and tell her if she doesn't sign off, you're going to report her.

morethanpotatoprints · 10/01/2014 15:51

Have you asked her if she thinks she is doing anything wrong?
I agree with others, she may be waiting to see if it works out.
I wouldn't report anybody as its none of my business what other people do.
Aren't there people employed to investigate claimants whether they have been reported or not?

Apprentice
Is your family member still speaking to you, did you tell them to their face what you did? That's really Sad

GlitzAndGiggles · 10/01/2014 15:51

Stuff like this really winds me up. There's other families in desperate need of housing but being told they can't move because of people like your relative. I think you should report her

Fontofnowt · 10/01/2014 15:52

On one hand I can understand her keeping options open and not expecting her new partner to exclusively support her and her kids.
Keeping a bit of independence until she is certain about him.
Iyswim.
But if she is happy to live with him (and it really is living together combining bills etc) then she should be ready to follow the rules and declare it.
Yabmu to want to report her before talking to her though.
If she is family why get her in trouble instead of acting like family and having a chat amd being open?

SkinnybitchWannabe · 10/01/2014 15:54

Report her if she's fraudulently claiming.

Original poster
Unsure2014 · 10/01/2014 15:55

Morethanpotatoprints - it kind of is other peoples business though, as she's stealing. Would it be different if she had robbed a bank or stolen expensive goods?

Worra - I do know it. She's told me some horrible things about her boyfriend and I finally grew some balls and told her what I thought of him, she could do so much better and she should bin him. Her response was "I'd rather be with him than be single. Besides, he buys me nice stuff." Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/01/2014 15:55

Also, when she told you what she intended to do...did you not tell her how you felt about benefit cheats then?

ColdTeaAgain · 10/01/2014 15:55

Yes its massively out of order! How long has she been doing this for OP?

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2014 15:57

Report her. Friend was going something similar for years and going on several foreign hols a year on the proceeds (she was open about this), whilst we we went camping locally. Pees me right off.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2014 15:58

She sounds like she's trusting the wrong people.

She trusted her ex, she trusts her boyfriend and she trusted you when she told you what her intentions were.

It seems like every way she turns, someone's out to get her.

I'm sorry but the moment she opened up to you, you should have warned her that you'd be reporting her. That way she might not have done it.

Original poster
Unsure2014 · 10/01/2014 15:59

Fontofnowt - because I know that by talking to her it will cause a massive amount of trouble for me. Roughly half of my family are on benefits, including her mother and my sister, who is very close to this family member. I know they would side with her and cause me a lot of agro.

OP posts:
Dahlen · 10/01/2014 15:59

My guess would be that she's worried about the fact she will lose all her income.

Whether that's a well-founded worry or simply indicative of a certain greed is open to interpretation.

If she's chosen her fiance well, their relationship is rock solid, and he has understood and embraced the role of step-parenting that is involved when you live with/marry someone with dependent children, none of this would matter. He would be more than happy to support her as he will see them all as one unit. She should stop claiming.

Unless there are money worries that have led her to think "I'll just let it overrun for a few months til we get on our feet again" or unless she is just greedy.

However, if she's less sure of her choice, hasn't discussed it properly with her fiance, or he's being an arse, it would make perfect sense to protect herself by continuing to claim (although if he's being an arse it would be better to move back out of the mortgaged property).

AdoraBell · 10/01/2014 15:59

Did she have a home to go to when she was with the ex? I ask because most people in an abusive relationship feel that they have nowhere else to go. Could be she would have left the ex, and would be quicker to leave this boyfriend if she needs to, if she had somewhere she could go to and feel it was her home, rather than imposing on relatives etc.

I can't tell you whether or not to report her, but what she is doing is wrong and illegal, whatever her reasons for doing.

Disclaimer, I don't think that anyone who leaves and abusive relationship is imposing on relatives, but it's common to see comments like "I can't go to family, they don't have space" or similar.

Fontofnowt · 10/01/2014 16:02

Keep out of it.
There are many ways she will get caught out (nosey neighbours or spiteful supposed friends) so she won't get away with it for long.
That way you won't feel any responsibility for her getting prosecuted or her kids being dragged through it.
Tell her you think she is stupid to risk breaking the law for a few quid and leave it at that.
I personally would avoid bleating about it being stealing it puts me in mind of envious people.

ColdTeaAgain · 10/01/2014 16:03

Can totally understand you keeping quiet if it's likely to cause family trouble for you but if you think she is likely to carry on with this arrangement then you need to report her.

Also if she eventually got found she could face prosecution so even though she's not going to see it that you could actually be doing her a favour!

Original poster
Unsure2014 · 10/01/2014 16:04

Worra - I don't think that comment is fair. I'm not out to get her at all. I've kept many of her secrets and always been there for her when other family members weren't. She has made some shocking decisions and mistakes in her life and even when her own mother reported her to SS I stood up for her. I'm not out to get her, I just think this is out of order. She's stealing!

OP posts:
HorsePetal · 10/01/2014 16:06

I get your point Worra but it's not fair for the OP to find herself in a quandary here. The relative put her in that quandary when she confided in her and regardless of the personal family circumstances, it's still fraud.

The benefits system is there to support those people in genuine need and when it is overstretched then cutbacks have to be made meaning that deserving people often lose out.

OP - I believe you have a duty to report her although it is a very difficult situation for you to find yourself in.

nancy75 · 10/01/2014 16:08

I don't think i understand what she is getting out of this?
The benefits she is claiming are being used to pay the rent on a house that nobody is living in - am i reading that right? I don't understand what she is actually getting out of it?

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/01/2014 16:08

It's possible she may not be committing any fraud.

HB allows you to be elsewhere for up to 3 months as long as you have a intention to return to the property you are claiming for and still maintain it (so don't cancel utilities).
It's usually used for people who need to stay elsewhere for care reasons or due to threat stuff like that but there is no rule that says it has to be for those sort of reasons.

If we are talking only a few weeks she has 28 days to notify them of changes to circumstances and cannot be prosecuted with in the 28 days but she could obviously have to repay any over payment.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2014 16:08

OP you sat there and said sod all when she told you what she intended to do.

Now she's done it and you can't wait to report her.

Surely it would have made more sense to let her now your feelings and intentions before she did it.