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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I being a major Bridezilla?

190 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:05

Really not sure what to do about this one. I'm worried I'm being an absolute Bridezilla which I'd really love to avoid.

Basically my lovely SIL is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding later this year. We get on great, but she can be very sensitive so I'd rather gauge your opinion on this topic first before talking to her, to save any needless upset or stress on her part. The worry I'm having is, she is planning to dye her hair bright green/blue. Now it's her hair of course and I'm not going to ask her not to because of my wedding that would be totally unreasonable. But I have to admit I'm a bit gutted about it, as she's had red her for the longest time, which would have looked amazing with her dress.

My major concern is that the colour is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress. Which will make it stand out even more. When it comes to the photos surely everyone's eyes will be drawn to her hair rather than the actual people in the shot. I really don't want every photo with her in to be overpowered by her hair. But at the same time, I don't want to but a downer on something she's been trying to build the confidence to do for a long time. It's a pretty big deal for her to do this and I don't want to take that away from her as over dramatic as that sounds.

So Wibu to talk to her about it and ask her to consider changing it for the wedding or to wear a wig? Or am I being a bit bridezilla?

Another question I want to ask is: Have any of you seen wedding photos that had people with bright unnatural hair colours in? If you did, did they end up overpowering the pictures or was it not a big deal at all?

OP posts:
maras2 · 09/01/2014 15:07

Sounds like she wants to upstage you.Ask her to leave it till after the wedding.

CailinDana · 09/01/2014 15:08

Really it won't matter honestly.

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 15:08

Not sure what to reccomend OP but my Dd is being a bridesmaid this summer and I've suggested that she hold fire on cutting her very long hair till after that and she's agreed. A bit more difficult for you though. I actually don't think you're BU but how to couch it in terms that come across as polite and undemanding......not sure! Someone will have better advice than me I'm certain!

MrsFruitcake · 09/01/2014 15:08

I wouldn't be happy with that and I ask her not to do it.

CoffeeTea103 · 09/01/2014 15:09

Yanbu. Yes it will draw a lot of attention, actually it won't look very nice in photos. Imo it would look very tacky too.

ceebie · 09/01/2014 15:10

Are the bridesmaids having their hair up? In which case I can't see that it will overwhelm photos.

Anyway, bridesmaids don't appear in every photo. Wouldn't have bothered me, tbh. I don't think you should mention it, it's a bit superficial and bridezilla-y, sorry.

SidandAndyssextoy · 09/01/2014 15:13

Surely it doesn't matter in the slightest? It's just her hair. It's HER you want as a bridesmaid, isn't it?

My only bridesmaid was a friend of mine who was very under confident about her looks. Together we bought her a lovely sophisticated dress that she looked wonderful in. The night before the wedding she arrived at my house and confessed that she'd swapped it for a black shift dress. I was sorry she wouldn't be wearing the gorgeous dress, but for her sake. She looked lovely in her other dress too, and she was happy.

Your wedding day is about celebrating your marriage with the people you love. Is it a big deal if someone's hair doesn't match their dress?

Electryone · 09/01/2014 15:13

I don't think its bridezilly at all, bit you cant stop her.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:14

I am so relieved you don't think I'm BU! I thought I was being a bit demanding. The real issue now is dealing with this tactfully. My SIL has had a really rough time lately and is pretty low. The hair thing is a major confidence thing for her so I don't want to take the shine off at all. Truth be told by coincidence she was due to be getting married a few months after us, but her DP lost his job and they had to cancel it. So talking about the wedding full stop is difficult, without seeming like I'm rubbing it in.

I'd be happy to pay for a good quality wig, or to recolour her hair but I'm awful with words and she's taking things to heart very easily with all the things going on in her life right now. Do you think I should leave it till like a month before, so she's had plenty of time to enjoy her bright hair?

OP posts:
Kundry · 09/01/2014 15:16

Tis a bit bridezilla. A wedding is not about whether people match the theme or how good the pictures look.

If you can manage to suggest v casually that she waits til after the wedding do, if she looks at you as if you are nuts/bridezilla then drop it and pretent that of course you were joking.

MonsterMunchMe · 09/01/2014 15:17

It would piss me right off tbh.

I would never dream of doing something like that to a bride.

It's not urgent or life threatening for her to wait to do it.

I'd ask her in a jokey non confrontational way like

'Gosh this wedding is making me such a perfectionist/obsessed with colour schemes, my head is going crazy with stress haha I know im being a nightmare but I really want some lovely photos we can all look back on years to come so could you possibly wait til after the wedding to dye your hair green/blue as it will class terribly with your red/pink/whatever dress, sorry for being such a bridezilla but it would really mean a lot to me' then smile a lot.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:17

And they're having their hair down. If it was up I wouldn't be worried, but she has extremely long hair so it will be very noticeable. I do agree with those of you saying it's her I want to be my bridesmaid, not her hair. This is a purely superficial thing I won't lie. I know it's petty to be bothered, but I am.

OP posts:
squeaver · 09/01/2014 15:18

Get someone else to suggest that she waits until after the wedding.

34DD · 09/01/2014 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBucketxx · 09/01/2014 15:20

Let her have the mad hair put it up on the day and you wont notice it as much.

Lots of flowers or decoration could vover sone of it too.

You cant stop her but minimise the damage so to speak.

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2014 15:20

I think you should leave it, she's not there to be your fashion accessory. BM don't have to be in all, or many, photos and I think you are drastically overestimating how often you or anyone else are to look through the photos anyway (nothing personal, I think everyone does).

When you do look through the photos in 10 years time you'll smile at her hair colour.

MrsBucketxx · 09/01/2014 15:21

Cover some. I mean

CoffeeTea103 · 09/01/2014 15:21

But it is your wedding day, you're not asking her to never color her hair, it's just for one day. You're not being bridezilla, because it's not something minor which no one would notice, it's very attention drawing.
Esp if you do have a theme/ colour scheme she would stick out like a sore thumb.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 09/01/2014 15:22

I'm a wimp about these things tbh, think I'd just tell the photographer that you don't want lots of group shots and stick to lots of fabulous pictures of you and your DH!

LaCerbiatta · 09/01/2014 15:22

Well i think you're being totally unreasonable and very bridezilla!! Who cares what the bridesmaid's hair looks like other than herself? ? The only hair you should worry about is your own.

Disclaimer: I'm from a country where weddings are a chilled happy family affair where children are invited and bridezillas do not exist Grin

BaronessBomburst · 09/01/2014 15:22

Can you gush a bit about how wonderful her dress will look with her red hair and see what she says? You can always say didn't realise she was planning on dyeing it before the wedding.

That said, my cousin turned up to my wedding with bright pink hair and I thought she looked great and took loads of photos of her. :)

natwebb79 · 09/01/2014 15:23

I think YABU. It's her hair - of course you can't tell her to wear a wig! Surely the important thing is that she is your bridesmaid, not whether you approve of her hair colour or not? In 10 years time you can look at the photos and giggle about it if you like. But if that's what she wants her hair to look like then for goodness sake let her be herself. I've never understood all the 'everything has to match and look perfect in the photos so the bride isn't upstaged' attitude. If you love her and want her to be a big part of your day then don't try to change her.

IglooisnowinSheffield · 09/01/2014 15:24

If she is having it done soon? When is wedding? These hair colours loose vibrancy so quickly ie one of two washes - upkeep could mean weekly dying. It doesn't sound like something someone could fund easily on a budget? Perhaps she will have changed it by the wedding herself.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:25

Thank you for some perspective on things. Thinking about how often I look at my sisters wedding photos it's not a lot really. This is such a difficult thing, I wonder if having so much control over the entire day makes you become a bit of a control freak?

I don't think I'd want her to have her hair up if everyone else's hair is down though. That could come across quite mean.

OP posts:
YouCanTakeAHorseToWater · 09/01/2014 15:25

So you're asking her to keep her hair in a style she doesn't want, when you yourself acknowledge that she has major confidence issues, for many months for the sake of a few photos! That is bridezilla in my book....

If it bothers you that much make her wear her hair in a chignon so it's not that obvious but don't go dictating what she can and can't do now, it won't endear you to her...