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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or am I being a major Bridezilla?

190 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:05

Really not sure what to do about this one. I'm worried I'm being an absolute Bridezilla which I'd really love to avoid.

Basically my lovely SIL is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding later this year. We get on great, but she can be very sensitive so I'd rather gauge your opinion on this topic first before talking to her, to save any needless upset or stress on her part. The worry I'm having is, she is planning to dye her hair bright green/blue. Now it's her hair of course and I'm not going to ask her not to because of my wedding that would be totally unreasonable. But I have to admit I'm a bit gutted about it, as she's had red her for the longest time, which would have looked amazing with her dress.

My major concern is that the colour is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress. Which will make it stand out even more. When it comes to the photos surely everyone's eyes will be drawn to her hair rather than the actual people in the shot. I really don't want every photo with her in to be overpowered by her hair. But at the same time, I don't want to but a downer on something she's been trying to build the confidence to do for a long time. It's a pretty big deal for her to do this and I don't want to take that away from her as over dramatic as that sounds.

So Wibu to talk to her about it and ask her to consider changing it for the wedding or to wear a wig? Or am I being a bit bridezilla?

Another question I want to ask is: Have any of you seen wedding photos that had people with bright unnatural hair colours in? If you did, did they end up overpowering the pictures or was it not a big deal at all?

OP posts:

Slutbucket · 09/01/2014 19:04

My understanding is that blue is very difficult to achieve. Has she had a professional advise her if blue is viable?

Crowler · 09/01/2014 19:05

Having blue hair does not make one look like a muppet.

Come on. Of course it does.

DontmindifIdo · 09/01/2014 19:07

I think not asking her to change it is the right choice, but if you are concerned, can you not have all the bridesmaids hair pinned up so it's less noticeable? That combined with asking your photographer for some black and white shots should be fine.

As long as she's not the only one who's hair is up, it won't be noticeable as to why you did that.

Also, is it too late to change the colour of the dresses if it's going to clash badly? Again, you can just have changed your mind, she doesn't need to know why.

LtEveDallas · 09/01/2014 19:10

Cuppa, just to set your mind at rest a bit. Both my sisters were bridesmaids at my eldest brothers wedding. There were 8 bridesmaids, 6 of them has all poker straight long hair, my sisters had pixie crops (start of the 70s)

Both my sisters wore wigs - by choice.

So it's not always a bad thing

AuntieMaggie · 09/01/2014 19:15

TBH if she has that much of a confidence issue, then she won't want it to look 'bad' on your wedding day either as it will affect her confidence on the day and who wants to be a bridesmaid when you don't look/feel your best?

I would just tell her you're worried about it clashing with the colour of the bridesmaids dresses... no telling her what to do but being completely honest that you want her to look and feel lovely on the day as well as you. Perhaps you could get her to try a wig the same colour she wants her hair on with the dress to see how it looks?

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 19:16

crowler That's really fucking rude! Referring to someone as a muppet, based on their looks? It's just bloody nasty!

BumPotato · 09/01/2014 19:19

When you order your photos after the event, make sure all pics with her in them are in black & white or sepia tones, if it bothers you that much.

maddening · 09/01/2014 19:24

ask her to put her hair up in a bun ( with one of those bun rings) and give her a tiara/hair band/fascinator that runs along it across the front.

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 19:25

Having blue hair does not necessarily make one look like a muppet.

Poppins27 · 09/01/2014 19:26

I personally don't think you're actually being that unreasonable OP. I was a bridesmaid for my best friend and had bright red hair when I was asked. We chose my dress together with the other bridesmaid and I was more than aware a clash was going to take place as we went for fuscia pink dresses, so I voluntarily died my hair dark to avoid it!! I loved my bright hair but I was honoured to be asked to be a bridesmaid so didn't want to look out of place or feel awful on such a lovely day!!

Bogeyface · 09/01/2014 19:26

Well I am clearly a bitch! The BM has had to cancel her wedding due to happen just after the OP's and suddenly decides to dye her hair a crazy colour around the OP's wedding?

Nope, not buying that AT ALL.

She is pissed off that the OP is getting married when she isnt and is doing this, either deliberately or unconciously, to spoil it and put the attention on her.

And green hair? I cant think of anyone who would suit that!

theimposter · 09/01/2014 19:31

Cuppa; without getting into AIBU or not I have a good idea that would be a compromise... I wanted blue highlights in my hair and because I didn't want to bleach it and knew bright colours fade I got ready dyed hair extensions. You can buy 25 or 50 strand packs online (little chunks of hair not individual strands) in the required length and they come attached to a small nylon loop with a tiny plastic clamp. You slide your own hair through the loop then use pliers to squeeze the plastic clamp ring closed. They lasted several months and gradually slid out as the clamp deteriorated (but can be taken out anytime by breaking the clamp) and they don't really damage your hair. If you paid for them in a neutral colour it would tone down the brightness mixed in as lowlights and from memory mine cost about £15 and hairdresser charged me a tenner to put them in for me.

gamerchick · 09/01/2014 19:31

Blue hair looks awesome.. It just doesn't stay blue for long and the bleach really doesn't make your hair very happy.

I very much doubt she'll find a hairdresser worth their salt who will do a full head unless she's blonde naturally.

hackmum · 09/01/2014 19:32

I think asking her to wear a wig is worse than asking her to put it off until after the wedding.

Realistically, is there anything you can do without causing offence? Probably not. Your only hope is that she dyes her hair green realises it looks ridiculous, and dyes it back.

You can always photoshop her out of the wedding photos

Bogeyface · 09/01/2014 19:32

Having blue hair does not necessarily make one look like a muppet.

But equally, having blue hair does not necessarily guarantee that one will NOT look like a muppet.

And Juno, calm down dear. No one was called a muppet (although how that is offensive I fail to see), but they were described as looking like a muppet. You know, those cloth puppets with crazy hair?

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 19:34

The thing is, if she had blue/green/turquoise/aquamarine hair as a matter of course, this wouldn't be a problem, and everyone would be totally supportive and, like, massively happy for her, and her choice of do.

The issue is her deciding to go blue/green/aqua in the lead up to the wedding.

Which is, as I say, more than just a tad self-indulgent to the casual observer... I get that this is something she simple needs to do. But surely she can wait until perhaps a couple of days afterwards to express herself via the medium of brightly-hued hair....?

treas · 09/01/2014 19:35

What is it with bridesmaids and changing their hair to green

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1378224-To-be-a-bit-brideszilla-about-my-bridesmaids-choice-of-hair-colour

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 19:37

I honestly would wear pretty much whatever anyone asked me to as a bridesmaid and I would hope that whoever asked me would choose something nice. I think insisting on dyeing her hair an extreme colour that will clash just before the wedding is a bit silly really. I have friends who have fantastically wild coloured hair but they are all really kind people and would probably offer without being asked to wait and dye their hair later. It's a bit petulant to not do so imho.

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 19:38

Yes, Japanese, self indulgent is the word I'm looking for!

CatsAreLikeChocolates · 09/01/2014 19:39

As a wedding photographer, I can confirm that just in terms of bridesmaids I've been asked to change the colour of someone's hair, slim down someone's arms, remove someone's now- ex-boyfriend, make someone look more smiley and even take down the scafolding on a hotel, etc, etc. Ah the magic of Photoshop! sigh

Well done OP for taking a pragmatic approach. I don't think anyone will be looking at the bridesmaids anyway; all eyes are usually on the happy couple. But a quiet word in the ear of your photographer would mean that they could use some subtle processing to tone down some of the vibrancy and saturation in the hair without drawing anymore attention to it with some nasty Photoshopping un-reality. YY to black & white too.

Have a lovely day, and remember that (almost) anything's possible for the photographer to add after the event with Photoshop, except relaxed and happy smiles on the face of the bride, groom and their family and friends.

34DD · 09/01/2014 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley · 09/01/2014 19:39

You are being a bridezilla

Who cares? You are clearly worried about her upstaging you, which is kinda unpleasant when she's part of your new family. Honestly, who cares of the eye is drawn to her brightly coloured hair in group photos? Why woukd that matter? Who even thinks like that?

It's your special day to be a princess, isn't it?

MomsStiffler · 09/01/2014 19:40

Juno - Having blue hair does not make one look like a muppet.

I beg to differ - Evidence

Or even a Fraggle

IRMC.

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 19:41

RTFT, Hermione.

benid · 09/01/2014 19:42

YABVVVVVVVU

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