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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or am I being a major Bridezilla?

190 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:05

Really not sure what to do about this one. I'm worried I'm being an absolute Bridezilla which I'd really love to avoid.

Basically my lovely SIL is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding later this year. We get on great, but she can be very sensitive so I'd rather gauge your opinion on this topic first before talking to her, to save any needless upset or stress on her part. The worry I'm having is, she is planning to dye her hair bright green/blue. Now it's her hair of course and I'm not going to ask her not to because of my wedding that would be totally unreasonable. But I have to admit I'm a bit gutted about it, as she's had red her for the longest time, which would have looked amazing with her dress.

My major concern is that the colour is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress. Which will make it stand out even more. When it comes to the photos surely everyone's eyes will be drawn to her hair rather than the actual people in the shot. I really don't want every photo with her in to be overpowered by her hair. But at the same time, I don't want to but a downer on something she's been trying to build the confidence to do for a long time. It's a pretty big deal for her to do this and I don't want to take that away from her as over dramatic as that sounds.

So Wibu to talk to her about it and ask her to consider changing it for the wedding or to wear a wig? Or am I being a bit bridezilla?

Another question I want to ask is: Have any of you seen wedding photos that had people with bright unnatural hair colours in? If you did, did they end up overpowering the pictures or was it not a big deal at all?

OP posts:

Andro · 09/01/2014 15:26

Are you going for dress fitting soon? Could you be really positive about how stunningly gorgeous the contrast is between the dress and her hair. That might give you an easy 'in' if she asks you whether you thing the blue/green would work as well as the red.

maras2 · 09/01/2014 15:27

Holy God don't mention a wig just ask nicely if she would leave the dye job till after the wedding.

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 15:28

Does she know the dress will be red? If I were her I actually wouldn't want to wear a red dress with blue/green hair.

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 15:28

A wig would look awful tbh!

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:28

Don't worry people. I'm not telling her not to dye her hair, I would never ask her not do something especially when it means so much to her. After all she is a grown woman.

I'm asking whether or not to ask her about finding a way to tone it down for the actual day, or if it won't be a problem and I'm worrying too much.

OP posts:

GreenShadow · 09/01/2014 15:28

While in theory it is only a 'Little Thing' and in the grand scheme of things not important; in practice, I do tend to agree that it will be very noticeable in photos and I personally would want to ask her to wait.

Could she just use one of those temporary colours in the meantime?

Pigsmummy · 09/01/2014 15:29

If its later this year the. Let her get on with and decide for her self if it clashes?

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 09/01/2014 15:30

I second Photoshop - but warn her you're doing it, and that it's just for matching the colour of the dress in the photos.

A friend got married a couple of years ago and there was a lovely photo of her and her dad coming into the church - but with a guy in a hi viz vest (gardener/groundskeeper) holding the door open in the background - the photographer Photoshopped him out and it's one of her favourite photos.

CailinDana · 09/01/2014 15:30

You think it's mean to ask her to put her hair

CailinDana · 09/01/2014 15:31

Sorry. You think it's mean to ask her to put her hair up but ok to ask her to wear a wig?

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:33

Is wearing a wig really that big of a thing? Genuine question. My sister used to wear them all the time since she could never decide on a hair style, so they seem pretty normal to me. When I saw how realistic they looked I figured a lot more people must wear them than I knew.

OP posts:

GreenShadow · 09/01/2014 15:34

I think Photoshopping is a bit insulting personally, although I suppose a professional could tone it down just a little so she doesn't notice but at the same time it doesn't jump out at you and dominate the photo.

CailinDana · 09/01/2014 15:35

Are you sure you're not thinking of a hair piece? A good quality realistic wig costs hundreds.

YouCanTakeAHorseToWater · 09/01/2014 15:35

I'd be pretty offended if someone asked me to wear a wig! I don't think it's that normal.....

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:36

I was just thinking that too GreenShadow. The brightness is the only real issue I'd have with the photos, so if the brightness could be toned down so it wasn't the first thing you saw, it would be fine.

OP posts:

akachan · 09/01/2014 15:37

You seem like a nice, thoughtful person and honestly I think you should leave it. I think the worry about her feeling bad will cause you more pain than a funny hair colour. One of my BMs had bright pink hair and it didn't cross my mind to tell her not to do it.

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 15:37

I realise I must be in the minority but I am absolutely aghast that you would even consider asking your bridesmaid to 'tone down' the way she looks for your wedding! And to the poster that suggested photoshop...

I don't want to be rude, so I will refrain from saying anything other than YABU. How she looks should really be of absolutely no concern to you.

FWIW you sound really nice, not wanting to upset or offend her, but as someone who has a 'less conventional' look, my suggestion is that you will probably make her feel horrible. It's difficult when you have a more non-conformist style and you think your friends and family are totally accepting, and then something comes along that makes you realise, they aren't...

To summarise - I don't think it is a big deal. And you sound really nice other than for this bridezilla moment

Trooperslane · 09/01/2014 15:38

Yy to photoshop.

gamerchick · 09/01/2014 15:39

I think you're being ridiculous. Your wedding is no time soon and from experience that colour is a mega pain in the arse to maintain. You have to add the dye to your shampoo for Christ's sake to keep the colour.

Urge her to do it soon and let her get sick of it and believe me she will.

This is a non problem.

mummytowillow · 09/01/2014 15:41

YANBU I've seen wedding photos where a bridesmaid had bright pink hair with a red dress, it looked awful!

Difficult one though, could you offer to pay for her to have it done day before wedding?

nobutreally · 09/01/2014 15:42

You certainly can't ask her to wear a wig - that somehow feels dreadful - a bit like asking someone to put a bag over their head

I would go with the approach suggested by others of talking up how great her red hair will look with the dress colour (assuming it would?) and then suddenly appear to think of it, and ask if she was planning to change the hair colour before the wedding. If she says yes, you'll just have to live with it IMO. You've said she's under confident and that this is a big deal for her. I suspect that whatever you say, she'll hear 'I think your hair is going to look a but crap when it's green/blue'. I wouldn't want to do that to someone I loved enough to have them as a bridesmaid.

One other option: could you offer to buy her the dye- job as a bridesmaid present? Tell her you think it'll look amazing and would she like it instead of a bridesmaid gift? Would make sure she didn't do it before ( although she may see through that one!)

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 09/01/2014 15:42

You sound reasonable, OP, but I do think this is pretty bridezilla, actually.

Presumably you didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid because she matched you theme and colours. Remember, to everyone else, your wedding is a day out of their lives - their whole year won't revolve around it, and to ask her not to do something to her own appearance well in advance because it may not fit in with your ideas of how a few photos might look seems a bit too controlling to me.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed · 09/01/2014 15:42

Let it go. You won't care on the day or in years to come
By all means, tell her the red looks great but seriously, you can drive yourself mad planning a wedding and getting upset/upsetting SIL isn't worth it.
Plus, it will make you and your hair look even more amazing by comparison!

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:43

I've never actually dyed my hair so it's not a subject I know much about, but having to add dye to your shampoo? I knew colour fades, but I didn't realize it faded that much. If it's that hard to maintain for any length of time you very way may be right.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 09/01/2014 15:44

So she's never had her hair a wacky colour before but wants to experiment around the time of your wedding?

Why is having hair like a clown brave or a big deal to her? I don't get it...

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