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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or am I being a major Bridezilla?

190 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:05

Really not sure what to do about this one. I'm worried I'm being an absolute Bridezilla which I'd really love to avoid.

Basically my lovely SIL is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding later this year. We get on great, but she can be very sensitive so I'd rather gauge your opinion on this topic first before talking to her, to save any needless upset or stress on her part. The worry I'm having is, she is planning to dye her hair bright green/blue. Now it's her hair of course and I'm not going to ask her not to because of my wedding that would be totally unreasonable. But I have to admit I'm a bit gutted about it, as she's had red her for the longest time, which would have looked amazing with her dress.

My major concern is that the colour is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress. Which will make it stand out even more. When it comes to the photos surely everyone's eyes will be drawn to her hair rather than the actual people in the shot. I really don't want every photo with her in to be overpowered by her hair. But at the same time, I don't want to but a downer on something she's been trying to build the confidence to do for a long time. It's a pretty big deal for her to do this and I don't want to take that away from her as over dramatic as that sounds.

So Wibu to talk to her about it and ask her to consider changing it for the wedding or to wear a wig? Or am I being a bit bridezilla?

Another question I want to ask is: Have any of you seen wedding photos that had people with bright unnatural hair colours in? If you did, did they end up overpowering the pictures or was it not a big deal at all?

OP posts:

dannydyerismydad · 09/01/2014 19:44

It would have totally bothered me in the run up to my wedding. Now the wedding is done and dusted, I would wonder what all the fuss was about.

You'll display one beautiful shot of you and DH in your home somewhere, the other shots will be in an album that you might bother to open on anniversaries.

snakeandpygmy · 09/01/2014 19:49

Which would you be more upset about OP, hurting your sister-in-law or some of your wedding photos not being to your taste? I bet that in a few years you won't care about the pictures. And you don't know, it might look great (formerly blue haired person here so I accept I may be biased). And I've never been to a wedding where a guest, however outrageous, has upstaged the bride. And the best weddings are those where everybody is able to relax and be themselves, blue hair and all

polythenespam · 09/01/2014 19:49

who the hell decides to dye their hair blue when they're about to be a bridesmaid?! she sounds like a tit and yanbu in the slightest.

I would nicely ask her if she would mind waiting until after the wedding.

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 19:53

The OP has said she's not going to speak to her SIL about it!

RandyRudolf · 09/01/2014 19:53

If I get married I'll be asking the bridesmaid to sign a contract on these things

gamerchick · 09/01/2014 20:03

I would have preferred my bridesmaid to have multi coloured hair than get pregnant 7months before my wedding. Now that was a pain in the arse but you just suck it up and get on with it. It's just one day.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 20:06

I'll just say this now so people who don't read the entire thread will know the end result. I decided not to talk to her about it since the colour clashing wasn't my real concern, it was about how bright it is. To those people thinking I'm worried about being upstaged, don't you worry about that. She's really pretty so people will notice her regardless of her hair colour and I just have to accept that . If need be I'll ask the photographer to tone down the brightness in the pictures if it dominates them. But as lots of people said, the colour is pretty hard to maintain so chances are she'll be fed up with it, or it will have faded by the time the wedding rolls round.

So she gets her bright exciting hair, I get to relax and enjoy it without stressing and we all get to be happy.

OP posts:

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 20:08

Nice one!

Sleepingugliness · 09/01/2014 20:13

Anyone who thinks this is reasonable has completely lost it. What are the photos for? To give you a memory of the day and the people that you enjoyed it with? Or to be some fabricated image of perfection? I would not want to look at a photo of my sil with non-blue hair at my wedding knowing I was the one that told her what colour HER hair should be for some photos. This is my first post on a thread, and I've taken the plunge because i hate what weddings have become, at their worst they represent everything that is bad about modern society, and I don't want you to ask this person to change how she looks for some photos. Really not good.

Sleepingugliness · 09/01/2014 20:14

Sorry didnt read whole thread.

Sleepingugliness · 09/01/2014 20:14

Glad you reached that conclusion.

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 20:24

I do appreciate the other veiw on this and can see exactly why OP has decided to approach things in this way but I think it's just about being considerate. The woman in question doesn't have blue/green hair yet, would it be so hard to wait a week longer to have it done? I guess it's not such a big deal but I wouldn't do this to someone if I was going to be their bridesmaid. It's not the same as asking someone to lose weight at all. I think suggesting that op doesn't want to be upstaged in some vain way is really ridiculous.

I'm sure it will be brilliant OP, good luck for the big day nd

CoolJazz · 09/01/2014 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 20:31

Great post, CoolJazz.

StrawberryMojito · 09/01/2014 20:37

Good decision. Please be reassured that it will be an absolutely tiny aspect of your wedding and you will be far happier having a contented, confident bridesmaid rather than one that fits in with the photos (which will be looked at rarely) but is a bit resentful of you.

DontmindifIdo · 09/01/2014 20:47

good plan. But make sure you have some emergancy bobby pins and hairspray should she have the colour re-done the day before and you suddenly feel the need to get all the bridesmaids' hair in updos...

Grumpasaurus · 09/01/2014 21:34

I would say, in all honesty, life is waaaaay too short to worry about this. I know when you are planning a wedding you start to think about every single detail, from the napkin holders to the icing on the cake.

The reality is, no one remembers what the bridesmaids wore or how they had their hair or even who they were (sad I know, but think of all the weddings you have been too. What they remember is how is felt, was it romantic, what did the bride look like, was the dancing good, was everyone happy, etc.

I say this as a former wedding photographer. It really won't ruin the photos and I think you would break her little heart to ask her to change her hair or tone it down. To you it's a chat about hair; to her, it's a chat about you not thinking she is good enough as she is and wanting to change her before you can show her off.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2014 21:35

"My major concern is that the colour [bright green/blue] is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress."

CuppaSarah, have you bought the dresses yet? If not, given that you "chose the colour based on the fact it would suit everyone skin tone and hair colours", would you consider if a different colour would now be better? You could even ask your SIL which colour she thinks would go with her new (but as yet to be implemented) hair colour?

bopoityboo3 · 09/01/2014 22:00

Just talk to her about it gentle and point out that it will clash with her dress, when ever my hair is funny colours it really bugs me if it clashes with what I'm wearing

With your second question my own wedding photos had brightly coloured hair in them, mainly the groom (DH had brightish red hair to match the bridesmaids dress) but in group photos so did guests. Don't think it really distracts from the photos just reflects who me and my DH are and our friends. Would of felt strange to not have had some extreme hairstyles but then that is just us.

FrauMoose · 10/01/2014 08:15

Presume all bridesmaids have been selected from a single ethnic group as well. So important that skin tone matches the dress!

Oriunda · 10/01/2014 08:29

Frau that was a nasty and totally uncalled for insinuation.

OP chose (and has already paid for?) a dress that went particularly well with her SIL's (existing) hair colour. A lot of brides wouldn't even have bothered doing that. Now she hears that SIL might change her hair colour to something that may clash with the dress, overpowering it and potentially showing SIL (not the OP) in an unflattering light.

For those of you suggesting that OP change the dress colour to suit this new hypothetical blue/green. Really, would you do this? Especially if you had already PAID for the dress? If she hasn't then of course there is time, but what happens if SIL changes her mind or her hair colour again!

As it is, OP is being very nice and saying nothing.

IrisWildthyme · 10/01/2014 08:40

sorry I think you are being massively Unreasonable and bridezilla.

It would be horrible of you to ask her to wear a wig - that is totally saying that you don't care about her as an individual you just want some interchangable manequin fashion accessory women next to you.

If there is a serious colour clash it is more reasonable for you to change the colours of the dresses than to ask a bridesmaid to change her hair colour.

However, it really isn't that big an issue and I wouldn't bother changing anything. So long as you tell the photographer that you want plenty of shots where her hair isn't dominating the composition, you'll barely care any more a few months after the wedding and if you say anything you could damage your relationship with her for years!

AutumnStar · 10/01/2014 08:43

Frau, you have been incredibly nasty to the OP throughout, who is obviously a considerate person and who has said numerous times that she ISN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.

You might want to go elsewhere if you're so determined to have a bunfight or cause offence? Do you go around accusing people of being fascists in RL or just on the internet?

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 10/01/2014 08:45

FrauMoose it's great that you're so passionate about equality, but you're really creating problems that don't exist which is just wasting your own time. The way skin tone effects what colours suit you has nothing to do with ethnicity. Lets say someone had green skin, their skin would be green, but the tone of that green would be an element in what colours would suit them, their hair colour, personality and personal taste would be other elements. 3 of my bridesmaids suit warm tones, 1 suits pastels so I picked a colour that complimented that.

OP posts:

winklewoman · 10/01/2014 08:56

You are being far too reasonable by not asking her to postpone ridiculous green/blue hair. It is selfish, attention seeking behaviour designed to diminish your enjoyment of the day.

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