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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I being a major Bridezilla?

190 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:05

Really not sure what to do about this one. I'm worried I'm being an absolute Bridezilla which I'd really love to avoid.

Basically my lovely SIL is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding later this year. We get on great, but she can be very sensitive so I'd rather gauge your opinion on this topic first before talking to her, to save any needless upset or stress on her part. The worry I'm having is, she is planning to dye her hair bright green/blue. Now it's her hair of course and I'm not going to ask her not to because of my wedding that would be totally unreasonable. But I have to admit I'm a bit gutted about it, as she's had red her for the longest time, which would have looked amazing with her dress.

My major concern is that the colour is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress. Which will make it stand out even more. When it comes to the photos surely everyone's eyes will be drawn to her hair rather than the actual people in the shot. I really don't want every photo with her in to be overpowered by her hair. But at the same time, I don't want to but a downer on something she's been trying to build the confidence to do for a long time. It's a pretty big deal for her to do this and I don't want to take that away from her as over dramatic as that sounds.

So Wibu to talk to her about it and ask her to consider changing it for the wedding or to wear a wig? Or am I being a bit bridezilla?

Another question I want to ask is: Have any of you seen wedding photos that had people with bright unnatural hair colours in? If you did, did they end up overpowering the pictures or was it not a big deal at all?

OP posts:
plummyjam · 09/01/2014 16:50

It's just hair. Nobody will remember it beyond the day except you, not worth damaging a relationship that could last the rest of your life.

ebwy · 09/01/2014 16:53

Ask her to dye it in youe wedding colours for the day :) I offered to do that but the bride didn't like the idea. I told her it was better than the blue and green I wanted and was a compromise... I still wish I'd done it anyway.

ShedWood · 09/01/2014 16:55

Presumably there are months rather than days until the wedding, if so then just leave it until (MUCH) nearer the time.

She may dye it green, hate it and dye it back, or she may dye her hair too much and it all fall out so it ends up getting cropped short; seriously there are dozens of things that could potentially remove this problem without you ever having to say something.

And if she does end up having green hair on the day then just get it photoshopped brown/blond/whatever, it's really not that big of a deal.

NeverFinishWhatYouStarted · 09/01/2014 17:04

Stop treating a human being as your personal accessory.

YABU to try to control her personal appearance. If I were your SIL I would be deeply offended and decline to have any further part in your wedding party.

AGoodPirate · 09/01/2014 17:05

Yabu. It's only hair!

bluebeanie · 09/01/2014 17:19

Haven't read other posts as baby is waking up. I'd be a bit gutted if that happened to me. How about asking her to wait or failing that, lots of tasteful and flattering black and white shots?

Hissy · 09/01/2014 17:23

I'd ask her to wait, and give the reason that the BM dress will work better with her existing colour (which you factored in) and might clash horribly with her blue/green.

Could you offer to PAY for her hair colour if she agrees to leave it till AFTER your wedding? by way of compensation/compromise?

chrome100 · 09/01/2014 17:44

I wouldn't give a shit - it's her hair. The photos should reflect the day as it was, if she has blue hair it will be something to remember, neither bad nor good. You should want her as a bridesmaid as you cherish her as a friend, the rest doesn't matter.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/01/2014 17:52

Cuppa - I don't think you need to worry about being a bridezilla, sweetheart. You sound lovely.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/01/2014 17:54

Maybe she is telling you that she does not actually want to be a bridesmaid and this i she way of trying to get out of it?

KhunZhoop · 09/01/2014 18:00

Or maybe ... she just fancies dying her hair? Sheesh.

MomsStiffler · 09/01/2014 18:05

And maybe the OP doesn't want a bridesmaid that looks like something off of the muppet show?

kali110 · 09/01/2014 18:10

Some people look lovely with blue hair.uited katy perry!

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 18:25

MomsStifler You are an absolute delight..Hmm

ComposHat · 09/01/2014 18:26

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want her to get an outlandish haircut. I certainly wouldn't have been happy if my best man suddenly decided to get a spider's web tattoo on his face inbetween agreeing to be the best man and the ceremony.

I just don't thin there's a lot you can do without causing ructions. I would maybe have a quiet chat with a relative who may be able to gently persuade her to hang fire til after the big day?

JapaneseMargaret · 09/01/2014 18:29

Sarah, I think you're doing the right thing by leaving it, and you sound imminently reasonable.

Beware though - that this thread is now going to run and run and you're probably going to take a right bashing from people who haven't bothered to read it before posting, and realise you've changed your mind and and won't speak to her about it. Wink

For what it's worth, I wouldn't dream of dying my hair blue or green if I was about to be a bridesmaid, I think it's really self-indulgent. Incredibly so. But I appreciate that sometimes one's need to express oneself must not be repressed.

Crowler · 09/01/2014 18:49

I wouldn't be happy, but neither I or my sister-in-law are the types of people to dye our hair blue.

She may think, "Sarah knows me and must be aware of the fact that I do things like dye my hair blue."

MomsStiffler · 09/01/2014 18:54

Juno77 -MomsStifler You are an absolute delight.

Why thank you, Cake, but as someone that was traumatised by a Fraggle when very young, I think you underestimate the power of "Muppet Hair" on the timid....

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 18:54

composhat Do you not realise that you are really shallow? You wouldn't be happy if someone in your wedding party changed their appearance, to something you weren't keen on?

What makes you think that the way someone chooses to look is any of your business? Why on earth do you care?!

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 18:55

Having blue hair does not make one look like a muppet.

TheFabulousIdiot · 09/01/2014 18:56

Wow, remember the thread ages ago about the boy who was going to be pageboy and do the same. Or am I imagining that?

LittleThorinOakenshield · 09/01/2014 18:57

It won't matter.

I would try and let this wash over me. People really don't take that much notice of bridesmaids barnets.

LittleThorinOakenshield · 09/01/2014 18:59

I didn't RTFT did I. Good work OP.

TheFabulousIdiot · 09/01/2014 19:01

this one

Crowler · 09/01/2014 19:04

For what it's worth, I wouldn't dream of dying my hair blue or green if I was about to be a bridesmaid, I think it's really self-indulgent. Incredibly so. But I appreciate that sometimes one's need to express oneself must not be repressed.

LOL.

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