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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I being a major Bridezilla?

190 replies

CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 15:05

Really not sure what to do about this one. I'm worried I'm being an absolute Bridezilla which I'd really love to avoid.

Basically my lovely SIL is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding later this year. We get on great, but she can be very sensitive so I'd rather gauge your opinion on this topic first before talking to her, to save any needless upset or stress on her part. The worry I'm having is, she is planning to dye her hair bright green/blue. Now it's her hair of course and I'm not going to ask her not to because of my wedding that would be totally unreasonable. But I have to admit I'm a bit gutted about it, as she's had red her for the longest time, which would have looked amazing with her dress.

My major concern is that the colour is so bright and also really clashes with the colour of her dress. Which will make it stand out even more. When it comes to the photos surely everyone's eyes will be drawn to her hair rather than the actual people in the shot. I really don't want every photo with her in to be overpowered by her hair. But at the same time, I don't want to but a downer on something she's been trying to build the confidence to do for a long time. It's a pretty big deal for her to do this and I don't want to take that away from her as over dramatic as that sounds.

So Wibu to talk to her about it and ask her to consider changing it for the wedding or to wear a wig? Or am I being a bit bridezilla?

Another question I want to ask is: Have any of you seen wedding photos that had people with bright unnatural hair colours in? If you did, did they end up overpowering the pictures or was it not a big deal at all?

OP posts:
AutumnStar · 09/01/2014 16:01

Cuppa you really do sound lovely. I hope you have a fabulous day Smile.

Knottyknitter · 09/01/2014 16:01

ask yo

Knottyknitter · 09/01/2014 16:02

ahem

ask yo

Nancy66 · 09/01/2014 16:02

Disability is hardly the same as naff hairdo

yourusername123456789 · 09/01/2014 16:02

oh no Juno I agree I wouldn't be telling anyone right now what to do with their hair by the time of the wedding and probably wouldn't care that much if someone died it bright pink with green pokka dots, but I don't think it's a slight against a non-conventional style. I'd be all about the non-convention I'm just far too lazy to care that much about how I look.

Knottyknitter · 09/01/2014 16:02

bloody phone. black and white prints?

IglooisnowinSheffield · 09/01/2014 16:02

It really isn't going to be an issue. I've only seen this colour maintained on people with short hair and lots of spare time. I've had blue highlights which cost a fortune at a top salon. I bought the top up shampoo. Literally one wash later it was sea green, they hadn't stripped my colour light enough.

However, if it does work out for her, as lovely as you sound it's her hair and I chose my bridesmaids for who they were not what they looked like

Don't sweat the small stuff, I had the best wedding day ever but was totally chilled even when the best man wrote his car off enough route and the wedding cars were 30 mins late as they stopped off to get washed!

AutumnStar · 09/01/2014 16:03

Nancy that's not very nice. Nobody is asking you to dye your hair blue. Don't panic.

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 16:03

What makes it 'naff' nancy?! You are being really odd!

What if someone turns up with an outfit that's not to your taste? Will you ask them to keep out of the photos?

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 16:05

your Grin

I disagree, but only because I doubt this would be an issue being discussed on MN if the bridesmaid was considering going from blonde to brunette - I believe the issue is because of the green, which is why I think it is a non-conformist issue.

But I appreciate your lax attitude!

WidowWadman · 09/01/2014 16:06

If anyone told me not to dye or cut my hair because it may spoil their photos I'd tell them to get stuffed.

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 16:06

FrauMoose that's a very daft comparison. Comparing coloured hair to disabled people is like comparing a tall woman to a handbag. Hmm

OP posts:
KhunZhoop · 09/01/2014 16:07

Could you imagine the reaction on AIBU if a bridesmaid came on here stating that a bride told them she had to wear a wig on her big day because she clased with the wedding colour scheme? We'd have another Gluezilla on our hands!

Nancy66 · 09/01/2014 16:07

it's irrelevant now anyhow as OP has made her decision.

I think everyone else is being odd but there you go.

happygirl87 · 09/01/2014 16:09

OP you sounds great. Try not to worry before the wedding, as it may be hard to maintain and so she'll try a different colour, or she may change her mind, or it may actually look fab with the dress- who knows.

IF the wedding pics come out looking awful, have the major ones with her in B & W (bear in mind that the pic everyone keeps out for years is usually just bride and groom anyway) and perhaps experiment with taking the brightness down a touch in the photos- but don't tell anyone on here or you'll never hear the end of it!

Original poster
CuppaSarah · 09/01/2014 16:09

I feel terrible about the wig suggestion now! I really had no idea it was such an awful thing to ask. Thank god I ran that by MN before I dared suggest it.

OP posts:
Poppy67 · 09/01/2014 16:10

YANBU. Could she dye it green dye and have time to change it for the wedding? Out of interest, what would her work think?

KeatsiePie · 09/01/2014 16:10

Cuppa I sympathize. I'd feel like you do. But after reading this "it sort of is, when you've been dealt a bit of a shit hand and want to do something for yourself that will make you feel a bit more confident" I just wanted to say you sound so very nice and empathetic. You have really put yourself in her shoes re: how hard things have been for her lately.

She probably already knows you to be a lovely and empathetic person. So if this hair issue comes up again at some point, if maybe she or her mother or someone else says something, I think you'll be able to deal with it sensitively and she'll be able to take whatever you say well.

And congratulations on getting married! Thanks

kali110 · 09/01/2014 16:13

I feel so lucky to have my best friend.im very alternative, but when i was maid of honour she told me to wear my hair my hair however i wanted,whatever colour and not to cover my piercings or tattoos as thats who i am and tgats whats important. Thats how i feel too. I would rather have my friends next to me just the way they are.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/01/2014 16:14

If anyone told me not to dye or cut my hair because it may spoil their photos I'd tell them to get stuffed.

When I was a bridesmaid 18 months ago I was so honourd and proud to be asked I would have happily shaved my head if the bride asked. (She didn't!)

Op - when exactly is the wedding? If it is not for several months then say nothing as she may have got bored with her hair by then. (Or it may have faded.) Just make sure you have the dress fitting well in advance so she can see how the dress and hair look together and have time to change if she doesn't like it.

ShoeWhore · 09/01/2014 16:15

I'd cross my fingers and hope she gets bored of it quite quickly Smile Good luck OP!

fwiw my MIL turned up dressed in head to toe snakeprint on my wedding day (inc matching hat, shoes, and bag Shock ) - not quite what I would have chosen! It didn't matter a jot although I'm sure I'd have been a bit upset had I know in advance Grin

Breadkneadslove · 09/01/2014 16:15

You say that you are not getting married until later in the year so there is a good chance you are stressing about something that may in fact be a non issue by the time you get closer to the big day. She may have dyed her hair six different colors by then and gone back to her natural colour. She may also plan not to have blue hair for your wedding because she wants to fit with your colour scheme but that should be her decision not yours.

I would try not to stress about it and like others have said accept people for who they are and embrace how they choose to express themselves.

Or you could just solve the problem and eliminate the stress by changing the theme of the wedding to the Smurfs! Sorted!

weebleswillwobble · 09/01/2014 16:18

Good decision op.

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 16:18

Actually, I have just remembered one of my friends, prior to her wedding, suggesting that I dye my hair (it wasn't a 'natural' colour at the time - though not green) and I replied with a casual 'I think I will keep it like this for another few weeks' or something.

It's now occurring to me that she was possibly worried about it for her photos Grin

MomsStiffler · 09/01/2014 16:34

I'd let her do what she wants with her hair - in 5 or 10 years time it'll be great to sit down with the album & take the piss mightily!!

Grin

Much the same as those of us married in the 80's do about our wedding photo's now!

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