AIBU to feel annoyed when it appears that a vaginal delivery is an "achievement"

[walkie]

Sorry for the rant, family member has just had second child, and other family members are repeating "amazing" "she did really well" "she only needed gas and air" "it only took X hours". I can't help wanting to say, well, I didn't exactly choose c-section & various other complications - I hate that this feels like somehow her natural delivery is more "worthy" than any other routes? There are no A*'s in childbirth (or have I missed something?)! (This is really just about me & how I feel - I know the most important thing is that mum & baby are safe & well.)

Well from the tone of some of these posts I don't really get that impression, these threads are always just full of sneery comments from women who want to validate their own choices. It's why they make me cross.

I don't think the men argument stands up, I know plenty of men who would be totally macho about the whole thing and refuse pain relief and see how easily they could push a baby out and so on and so on. Men are as likely to be as different in their views and preferences on this as women are.

The real problem is that women in labour just aren't actually treated very nicely quite a lot of the time. There is too much emphasis on telling a women what is good for them and too little emphasis on individual care and informed consent.

I'm really shit at the whole vaginal delivery bit. 1 emcs, 1 vbac and then 2 planned cs.

But I'm a great mum (as i'm sure lots of natural delivery mums are!)

Can't win them all!

Well from the tone of some of these posts I don't really get that impression, these threads are always just full of sneery comments from women who want to validate their own choices.

Not sure thats true. The OP has been criticised for being oversensitive by one half of the fence and those who have pointed out the cultural problem of the value placed on the method of birth, they have been told that doesn't exist despite their own experience and the wealth of evidence to the contrary.

I personally believe that ALL women should be sensitive to the comment they make about their experiences and should support each other. Because the value is placed on the method of birth, and given the sensitivity of it, it might well be wise for women to be particularly cautious if they have done it in the way that is given the highest status in society because of the devastating effect it can have on women who don't achieve the birth they wanted and this misplaced sense of failure there is.

Like I said before, when the medical terminology is littered with words that carry value it doesn't help. Like 'failure to progress' or the worst one of the lot 'poor maternal effort' (particularly nasty as it is a value that IS judgemental and not based on every level of measurement).

Validating choices is different to pointing out the institutionalised problems that limit choice in someway or are influencing decisions and expectations.

I'm actually pro-home birth as much as I'm pro-CS on maternal request for that reason.

I'm proud I achieved natural births but I don't think any less of women who don't.

Mim78 I was once asked by a patient (not very bright ) if I was a skivy? And I think that is the best way to describe myself actually - an anaesthetic skivy!
Don't much like the sound of your barrister friend - seems a bit blood thirsty. If the mother and babies are both healthy and there are no other clinical indications (like presenting breech) the mother would be encouraged to try a V birth!
Also it is law that before performing an epidural/spinal/combined SE the anaesthetist MUST inform the patient of the risks and benefits so she is fully informed before she consents.

I vote RedToothBrush for Minister of Health

Any of you feeling a bit crap after an EMCS or C-Section might like a read of this www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com/blog/?p=1429

Oh dear op the first rule of parenting!! Do not compare anything!!

How a baby gets into the world is of absolutely no interest to anyone else, or shouldn't be, except to the parents and those who love them.

It's a tiny tiny tiny part of being a parent and as long as those helping you give birth are kind, professional and competent that's all that matters and that you are as happy as you can be with the birth that you had.

No one should care what pain relief anyone else has, you can't compare as people's pain is what an individual says!

Well done to every woman who gives birth, we are all heroes with or without pain relief or via the sun roof or the lady garden.

Lioninthesun I read the link and so though I don't minimise the feelings if this blogger i do know a friend who lost her baby during a home birth.

She would give the world to have her baby here via any route.

So it is true, at least she does have a healthy baby.

There are posters in here who have lost older children. Our own dd was badly injured in an accident and it Maura me angry every day but unfortunately life isn't always fair is it? All adults know that.

Great post Redtoothbrush

msmoss I done something similar. Had the works with Ds1, epidural failed and was left with a bad back after (fucking bastading thing) so decided on only G&A with the second, maybe some morph if needed - went very well and quick so decided the same with Ds3 but what they didn't tell me was how twatting painful being induced was :)
Anyway, I'm waffling. My point is I, like you, don't feel superior or hard as nails for doing it that way.
I hate,I've experienced it at work, if a FTM says 'I'm going to give birth naturally with no PR' and other women attack her like a pack of wild animals with ' ha ha yeah right' or 'you don't know what you're talking about' FFS! how does anyone know how another person will cope with pain. It's that stupid mentally that makes women feel inferior :(
Also when I asked a question ^ about intervention I honestly wasn't referring to PR.

Redtoothbrush yes agree fantastic post.

poor maternal effort WTAF any medical practitioner writing this crap should be disciplined.

It came as a complete surprise to me that there was any kudos to vaginal birth. That it was something to be 'achieved.'

In the end how you end up giving birth is dependant on a pretty random set of circumstances.

Joys-mum

It's just childbirth. That's all it is. A mode of delivery. What happens afterwards is so much more important. I don't feel a moment's regret over my 3CS. 9years on it seems do inconsequential.