to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

[SeptemberFlowers]

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."



I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one

[Flux700]

Lastly partner shouldn't have stormed into things expecting/demanding expensive gifts. Very grabby.

He should have worked on building up a familiar relationship with the new nieces so they felt like nieces. Saw each other often. Then your SIS should have had an adult discussion with you (alone) asking if you would be happy to start exchanging gifts despite not having given gifts in the past. You should have felt able to say yes or no and for your response to be accepted and respected.

Alternatively they could have just started buying your kids gifts and let things roll on from there. Because the likelyhood is that if she had bought your DC proper gifts for thier birthday, you would have bought new niece something - even if it took 6 months or or a year to establish a new routine.

Crazy that new partner sent awful email after reading thread. It's an anonymous site, so why the upset. No one knows who he is.

[Cheeky76890]

I spend 8 on my nieces for Xmas.

[ZenNudist]

I remember this thread. Thanks for the update OP it's always good to see how people are getting on it's just a shame that things aren't better for you.

I can't get over how petty she is. I mean who really cares that much about presents? Family should be more important and instead she's alienating her sister.

[Littlegreyauditor]

Wow. They really are seeking monetary validation of their relationship, aren't they? What a pack of assholes!

I really really want a giant smartie though (misses point).

[Tyranasaurus]

I do wonder if the birthday thing wasn't a 'test'. 'You want to reconcile with your sister? You should see if she's changed, take Kid's birthday list, I bet she won't buy anything. See she doesn't care about our family at all.

[CrapBag]

You need to add your sister to the brass neck thread in classics. This is up there with the best of them.

How have you felt in the last 9 months being NC? To me, it honestly seems like she doesn't add much to your life. Due isn't exactly a doting aunt. I am gobsmacked at the gift list with cheapest present at £45!! How much was the most expensive thing?

I also don't understand this obsession of theirs with you giving this girl presents. The only reason she has been back in touch is too get a birthday present. Presumably she bought for yours this year? Oh wait, of course she didn't.

Tell them to get fucked over Christmas otherwise you will have more drama over fucking overpriced presents for a child you have still only met once.

[EWAB]

Please nobody shout at me. I am sure I have read everything...but I want to read the thread about the boyfriend's e-mail. What did he write; I can't find it.

[MokunMokun]

It was after she emailed them the link to this thread. She received "a disgusting abusive email from him".

I wonder if they are reading this now.

[Cheeky76890]

It's very weird that he's gone out of his way to seperate SIS from her only living relative. Very odd.

It's very odd that he values monetary gifts so highly, attaching how accepted his DD is to how much people spend/if they spend. Very warped. People should feel valued without lavishing cash.

[SeptemberFlowers]

Well - we are giving it another go.

It's the season and all that, Dsis has been with him the entire time so no longer boyfriend now I suppose but more partner.

We have exchanged texts throughout the year but short and to the point, they aren't bringing his daughter with them when we meet up as it's her turn with her mother.

We shall see how it goes ...

[CadleCrap]

The question is...... Do you have a tube of smarties, just in case?

[SeptemberFlowers]

Jesus Christ

I agreed in the last month to seeing them and then tonight hunted out my thread to post on it.

I've just reread the whole thing and clearly I have a selective memory to the events of two years ago !!

Well they have been together that entire time and she's happy, rereading this thread proves DH's memory is better than mine not that I'll ever tell him that

[SeptemberFlowers]

Smarties at the ready

[SpecialistSnowflake]

Can I just ask, because it's not clear to me from the thread - have you ever explicitly pointed out her gross hypocrisy? That she didn't buy your dc's gifts for the first ten years of their lives, then bought them a tube of smarties each in an effort to extract a present from you for her bf's child, and now expects you to buy a £45 gift for the child, whilst presumably earmarking a couple more tubes of sweets in the supermarket for your two?

It's insane...

[Sprinklelights]

Sorry, OP had to reread your post as it was a bit confusing. But YANBU.

[Sprinklelights]

Oh...this thread was from January....

[1frenchfoodie]

As she had bought your DCs token gifts the previous christmas I think you should have got her partner's child a token gift too this year.

[1frenchfoodie]

or make that Christmas 2014..

[Fidel1ne]

Christmas 2013. TWO years ago.

It was a miserable, un-christmassy, transactional kind of bunfight the first time around.

Exactly WHY have you resurrected it OP?

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Buying the child a selection box wouldn't hurt you, would it

[Chopz]

So has she bought your kids gifts over the last few years?

[EasterRobin]

Good luck OP. I hope your family is a bit less interested in gifts nowadays (or have worked out they can buy sweets for their own child). It would be nice to hear that everything has moved on and you all get on this time. Let us know how it goes.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Was this thread really two year ago? Time goes way to fast. Visiting or not, buy a gift this time

[MascaraAndConverse89]

God I remember this thread.
Hope the Smarties keep them quiet- your sis and her husband that is!

[CheesyNachos]

I remember this thread too. I hope it goes better than you fear OP.