to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

[SeptemberFlowers]

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one

Poor you OP

Oh no, that's really sad OP :( your poor sister, he's definitely got control of her. I agree with walter that you should send a reply to tell her that she always has her family. She needs to know that if she ever does leave him she has somewhere to go.

Sorry to hear that OP, what an unbelievable over reaction that has snowballed. I hope that you and your sister can move past this and be back on speaking terms over the next few weeks. Your husband sounds really supportive

OP, I've read the whole thread, and am [shocked] at a new bf could have such an aggressive stance on someone he barely knows. Your sister sounds blindly loved-up, but she's a silly, silly girl for allowing this situation to escalate out of control. As for the bf, he sounds controlling. Not nice.

I may have missed this upthread, but what about your parents? What do they say?

I agree with others who have said to keep reaching out to your DSis. I think it's important for her if she does free herself from this guy, but also for you too.

It's awful that it's got this far over a tube of smarties, but that's obviously not the whole of it from their side. If your DSis is truly breaking away from you because of a handful of sweets, then she really needs to stop and think about that and why her BF is encouraging this, rather than encouraging her not to.

Our parents died 9 years ago

I've emailed her again but it's been ignored.

Not much else I can do

May be try again in a few weeks when things calm down.

You were not unreasonable in the first place, and have been put in a lose-lose situation. You either accept the BFs unreasonableness, or open up a wedge between eachother as manipulated by the BF.

I hope that alarm bells have gone off in your sister's mind and that the relationship ends in the near future.

Perhaps the best thing to do for now is send her a simple email/text message to say "I'm sorry you feel that way. Please know that I will always be here for you whenever you need me."

It leaves the door open for her in the future and endures she knows you haven't abandoned her should this relationship blow up in her face.

Adding an update to this. She contacted me several weeks ago asking if we could meet up, so I agreed.

She's still with him but has now moved in with him and says he has changed and always treated her well, conversation flowed between us and it went OK. She then raised the issue of the partners (they live together now so I guess it's more than a bf situation) daughter and her birthday party, she then asked if DD would like to go.

I declined on DD's behalf as she's busy that day (yes really) but we'd send a card for her. Fuck me, she then produced a GIFT LIST as a "helpful suggestion". I glanced at it and handed it back saying "Thanks but no thanks." We then parted - but we won't be seeing each other at Christmas

So actually, nothing's changed (I remember your thread): she is still intent on forcing you to give this child presents as some kind of odd priority.

It's a shame, I expect you hoped there'd be a chance to get past this. Very odd, though.

She/he are still forcing the issue of buying his daughter a bloody present.

Did she bring with her a year's worth of presents for your DC?

Having the list prepared is grabby and strange.

Poor you op.

I would just stay NC, don't forget how this man cunt treated you.

It sounds like an appalling relationship. If you can maintain something between just you and DSis, then great, but I wouldn't see him, 'niece', or have family events.

They sound very grabby and like it's all about faking happy families.

What sort of items were on the birthday list?

Can I just clarify: was the daughter there when your sis gave your dc their Christmas presents?

Some people are just grabby cunts. Ignore them.

Remember this thread, have to say although I loved the frame, I was hoping for a better update than that.

All you can do is let her know you are there for her when she needs you so the door isn't permanently closed but I think you did the right thing.

Twats, the pair of them.

Ooh mrs, you are naughty!

OP - out of interest, can I ask if your dc have received any presents from your dsis since Christmas? I remember your dd had a bday about the time of your falling out?

September I remember your thread because it demonstrated the importance of RTT before posting.
I'm sorry things have worked out like this but I really think you've done everything you can. Some people are just unbelievable. Do you think they plan to have children together?

I wonder if new partner is one of those people who has his child on a pedestal, so her wishes and feelings are paramount. Not sure why else this little girl getting presents would be so important to either of them. Unless it has become a symbol of bringing OP to heel.

Make sure her new partner knows it is family tradition not to buy presents for the first ten years. She has probably pretended she is the generous aunt.

Oh, I'm sorry September. We all enjoyed this first time round, until it started turning sad and worrying. I'm sorry that your sister hasn't changed her mind about this man or her opinions on presents.

Seriously though... A gift list? For a birthday party? For a child you've barely met? That you are not even attending...
There is so much wrong with that scenario and her perceptions of 'correct' behaviour, it's almost surreal.