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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

558 replies

SeptemberFlowers · 06/01/2014 13:48

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

Shock

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one Hmm

OP posts:
magoria · 08/09/2014 22:08
slithytove · 08/09/2014 22:09

Aero how many children do you buy presents for if you have only met them once, and they aren't there at the present exchange?

slithytove · 08/09/2014 22:10

Clearly my summary was pointless.

Honestly.

It's not difficult. Either read OPs posts, or read the last page when the thread is 20 pages!

Aeroflotgirl · 08/09/2014 22:11

Sorry should have Rtft, oh dear what a terrible situation. I would definitely distance myself from her and hope tgey split up soon, what's all this niece business, she is not your niece, she is your sisters boyfriends daughter.

Hullygully · 08/09/2014 22:12

I can't decide who is more awful

Aeroflotgirl · 08/09/2014 22:13

So she wasn't at the present exchange, sorry it's been a long day. I wouldent then if she wasn't there.

slithytove · 08/09/2014 22:15
Grin

I don't know what is making me feel sorrier for OP: the sister situation, or posters not rtft.

QuintessentiallyQS · 08/09/2014 22:16

She is grabby. Seriously grabby and bereft of any self insight. Strike that, any insight.

Maybe you could glue a smartie to the childs card?

ApocalypseThen · 08/09/2014 22:17

I wouldn't feel like a tube of smarties was a present that demanded reciprocity anyway. It's barely a present, doesn't count as a thought. I think I would hardly feel like a child who didn't get a tube of sweets was massively excluded even if she had been there. Surely an eleven year old would know that it sometimes happens that an auntie has a few sweets in her bag for you when she sees you, and sometimes she doesn't?

hateweddings · 08/09/2014 22:18

OP - your DS and BF have been undoubtedly UR but I would still send your 'DSN' a book and card (smarties is too PA) - life is too short. plus, having the moral high ground is soo much better :)

plus, you can text on your DC birthday saying how disappointed you are that she has forgot for the 11th year running

AlpacaPicnic · 08/09/2014 22:18
SeptemberFlowers · 08/09/2014 22:49

Cheapest item on there was £45 Hmm

They are money grabbing shitters, the daughter seemed a lovely young lady when we met up though.

DS has been texting me today asking about Christmas meet up at our house and what food allergies she has. My head imploded as all I said to meeting up at Christmas was "We'll see, I can't confirm anything yet." DH would not entertain the idea anyway.

How do I manage this going forward ? Seriously ? She's my sister and I love her but not one big happy family is not going to happen.

OP posts:
Silverdaisy · 08/09/2014 22:51

I remember this thread also. Op was nbu.

I feel sorry for this wee girl who probably didn't expect a present anyway, but is in some bizarre popularity contest by her dad and op's sister.

MaryBerrysLostCherry · 08/09/2014 22:59

45 bloody quid! That's a lot of smarties.

SeptemberFlowers · 08/09/2014 23:02

MaryBerry Grin Grin

OP posts:
Inertia · 08/09/2014 23:04

Think I'd be breezy about Christmas- tell her you don't know what's happening, may be away over Christmas, sis should make her own Christmas plans with BF and Princess Giftlist, you might meet up one afternoon after Christmas. Or just be honest and say you're not ready to play happy families with the nasty boyfriend.

I'd probably send a card and a book of my choosing for the BF daughter's birthday though.

Cheeky76890 · 08/09/2014 23:05

Can you just say to her that you're happy to carry on as before and do no gifts for all the kids

slithytove · 08/09/2014 23:08

I think the bf owes you a huge apology first.

And is sister expecting you to host them?

magoria · 08/09/2014 23:21

Why the fuck does your sister think you would host a Christmas at yours (and your expense I'm guessing) for this vile shit after saying you are no longer family and months of NC?

Don't wishy washy around this until too close to Christmas text her now and say not a snowball's!

Maryz · 08/09/2014 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nessalina · 08/09/2014 23:56

Good grief - what an epic thread!

Rotten situation OP. Does your DSis not realise how suspect it looks that she's got back in touch just before another present-receiving opportunity for 'Princess Giftlist'?! Very odd behaviour. I really think your best option is to send a card to the lass, nothing more, and then when you ring your DSis about Xmas to say 'just to confirm, we're not doing presents for the kids are we? I'd prefer just to keep things straightforward, so let's just enjoy each other's company.' Being as you have more DCs there can surely be no objection?!

As weird as this thread got, I've been giggling to myself all the way through Blush I don't know what's funnier: people posting without RTFT, or other people getting ragey at them! Grin

Isabeller · 09/09/2014 00:15

And the moral of the story is

always carry an emergency tube of gift wrapped smarties in case you unexpectedly encounter someone who's absent child you might in future become distantly related to.

Grin
Aeroflotgirl · 09/09/2014 00:19

Your sister wins the brass neck award op, first she treats you like rubbish, and expects you to host them, giving you a list of her allergies, well stuff that for a game of soldiers. Good answer op! Why not suggest she host if her allergies are going to be a problem! The gift list, how grabby, that would really get my back up! Cheapest item £45 will sod that too. I really do feel sorry for the poor girl, how much of this is her asking? Does her mum know about the gift list! She might be mortified if she knew.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/09/2014 00:20

If you don't want to do meet up, don't. Just say your away over the festive period and will meet up in town or restaurant afterwards or something.

MokunMokun · 09/09/2014 02:18

I honestly wouldn't lie or make excuses. I think you need you need to be straight here that you found her behavior very rude and you won't be hosting Christmas for them after his awful behavior last time.

I wonder if he is a kind of Disney dad trying to get lots of presents for his daughter but doesn't have the money to pay for them so puts pressure on friends and family?

Good on you for standing up to them. Family is about more than presents.