I know I am - but I'm so tempted to exact my revenge

[Revenger]

I have never gotten on with my SIL. She's always been nasty to me in a very underhand way. I never confronted her in order to keep family peace. But the final straw came at my wedding where she went out of her way to spoil it for us. There was lots of things but the worst was bringing up my husbands affair. I knew about it, five years had passed and we'd moved on. So she had no good reason to mention this at our wedding.

Anyway, her wedding is booked for this year and I've recently found out that her soon to be DH has shagged one of her bridesmaids. He's had other affairs, but I don't think she knows about this one.

I really want to say to her at the wedding, 'I really admire you and DH. You've got such a strong relationship. I mean, I don't think I'd have been able to have one of my friends as bridesmaid if she and my husband had been having sex' . This would totally play on the fact that she harps on about how her and DP have a better relationship than basically anyone else, but particularly me and DH.

I know this makes me sound evil. I'm not in general but I want to get her back for the years of crap she's put me through.

So, WIBU to do this?

Yeah tell her - but not on her wedding day. A couple of days before would be better

Please don't tell her. You may, however, revel in the fact that you could. ;)

Revenger

I completely understand why you want to do this. If I was in your shoes I would.

But, you would be better off getting he bridesmaid to confess all rather than tell you SIL. That way you don't come off looking like the spiteful SIL

Hi paula. How long have you known BIL and SIL?

There's no point telling her before hand.

I don't entirely understand my feelings on this but I don't actually want to cause her pain. I want to spoil her wedding day in the same way she spoiled mine. I think it's because I know that a grand wedding means more to her than anything.

Oops, there's that evil streak again.

I don't know the bridesmaid. I doubt she'd confess. She's married to one of BIL's friends too so she won't want this to come out.

Train crash right here right now.

Even after the wedding you'll carp on about this and also be bitter about your DH's affairs.

The one thing I would suggest is therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which would help you change the way you think about people and put them (in a good way) in boxes.

Also holding a grudge is liking drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

You say you have no hobbies besides MNing - get a life.

and yes, I have had murderous and vengeful thoughts acted on one earlier last year (not quite your style) and it did me NO GOOD AT ALL. bit me on the bum. warning for you there.

Emigrating sounds parfait too but even then via FB etc you'd hear/be bitter etc...

FB etc is one of the worst forms of medium for gossip and bitchiness. which is why I stay away now.

Niether of your lives seem rosy.

I just read 'My DH stopped shagging around after DC' are you sure? my was my first response.

Thanks for the warning Hello.

I was joking about the MNing thing being my hobby. I'm into photography and painting as it happens.

I dearly want to let go of this grudge but I don't know how. I know it doesn't hurt her and actually does hurt me. Still doesn't help.

I've blocked her on Facebook, still doesn't help.

Can't you arrange to be "overheard" by the bride? Maybe in the loos or something? Perhaps on your phone chatting to a friend...."Oh hi! Yes it's all going ok....yes BitchBride looks lovely...no, Bridesmaid is behaving....I know, can you imagine if she'd jumped up when they did the 'any just cause or impediment' bit?!"

Again though I wouldn't do it!

You could always mention how much you admire her ability to forgive and forget, having asked the woman who had an affair with her fiancé to be a bridesmaid...

Do any of us really know if we're not being cheated on? If I get evidence of it, I'll act then. One things for sure though, if SIL knew about it, she'd have hinted like mad. She wouldn't let the opportunity pass her by.

I can't believe you didn't tell her her back when her DP 'had a different woman every night' at least so she could get herself tested,

Karma beckons.

That was the plan edam. Start with a compliment and then sock it to her.

Another good tactic calamity.

I also suspect I'd never do it though.

I don't believe in karma Howling.

I didn't know her that well then and I didn't want to go behind then DP's back.

I'd do it. Go to the wedding, leave an anonymous card on her present pile with the gory details typed out inside!

"Do any of us really know if we're not being cheated on?"

Seriously??

"There's no point telling her before hand."-Why not?-bcause it might give her the chance to not marry a cheater?

It's this woman's wedding day. I can't believe that some of you are conspiring to crap all over it .

diddl. Seriously. I've only ever been with cheating men so I wouldn't know. As I said, slim pickings.

There would be no point because:
She wouldn't believe me
BIL might hit me
I'd be branded a liar
It wouldn't change anything except make my life a nightmare.

I don't feel like I owe her any favours. And whilst I have heard about BIL shagging the BM, I don't know when it was or how many times. It's effectively a rumour although I have it on excellent authority.

Shame she didn't have the same thought process sparkly. I also know she conspired with a relative whom DH forgot to give an invite so they were pissed off with us too. It was all planned between them. She accidentally let a bit of that slip as she was so drunk but I worked it out myself from their Facebook posts to each other.

It makes me mad the amount of times people say 'be the better person' or 'rise above it'

I got bullied all through school - my mothers consolation 'you are being the better person'

this is bullying in my eyes and if you have the opportunity to exact revenge on someone who is a vile excuse for a human being
my dear, go for it

That's exactly it custardo. I'm am sick to death of always being the 'better person'. Twelve years I've taken the moral high ground but the view isn't as good as you'd hope.

Isn't the fact that she's going that she's going to be married to a violent cheat "revenge" enough?

It seems to me that you would be better of looking for ways to improve your self esteem & getting your self & kids away from a cheat & his awful family.

I agree custard! I always get even, I never even get angry as I know I will exact my vengeance somehow! Who wants to live life being shat all over thinking how lovely, I'm such as gooood person!? Not me.