I know I am - but I'm so tempted to exact my revenge

[Revenger]

I have never gotten on with my SIL. She's always been nasty to me in a very underhand way. I never confronted her in order to keep family peace. But the final straw came at my wedding where she went out of her way to spoil it for us. There was lots of things but the worst was bringing up my husbands affair. I knew about it, five years had passed and we'd moved on. So she had no good reason to mention this at our wedding.

Anyway, her wedding is booked for this year and I've recently found out that her soon to be DH has shagged one of her bridesmaids. He's had other affairs, but I don't think she knows about this one.

I really want to say to her at the wedding, 'I really admire you and DH. You've got such a strong relationship. I mean, I don't think I'd have been able to have one of my friends as bridesmaid if she and my husband had been having sex' . This would totally play on the fact that she harps on about how her and DP have a better relationship than basically anyone else, but particularly me and DH.

I know this makes me sound evil. I'm not in general but I want to get her back for the years of crap she's put me through.

So, WIBU to do this?

if someone had mentioned my husbands affair at my wedding

and I knew that their husband had had an affair

and I had the balls

I would totally do what you suggest

might also throw in

" oh, that's an unusual colour for a bridesmaids dress"
"oh, I love how you have overdone everything, not that its tacky or anything"

"the cake is rather unique, what is the strange taste?"

No diddl, I don't understand it myself but the knowledge isn't enough. I want her to feel as small as she made me feel on my wedding day. I won't get that day back. She stole it from me.

Yes, I know I need to work on myself. Can't i do both?

I don't believe in karma Howling.

It shows, like another poster said this thread is disturbing and I don't particularly side with anyone, strange thread bit depressing really.

Love it custardo . I'm taking notes.

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Seriously though, if 12 years of rising above it have not helped, then why not try a little old fashioned getting even!

Karma seems to have handed you a pretty fucking poetic way of doing it too.

Karma is weird. Everything else in life we're told we have to work for. But for the bad shit? Karma will sort that out .

I've seen too many bad things happen to god people and good things happen to bad people. Where was karma then? I've waited patiently for karma to bite my SIL - I'm still waiting.

Perhaps I should pray to god to smite her? Not very Christian of me though .

"She ruined my wedding day, so I'll ruin hers" is playground stuff. Sort of; "if I'm not invited to your party, then you won't be invited to mine". Be the bigger person.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Seriously, OP, let it go.......

Meh, don't take the moral high ground. Just cut out the people who treat you like shit (including your 'D'H). You are an adult, not a child in school who is forced to spend time with bullies. You don't have to out up with cheating men, even if you have in the past. You don't have to see your sil ever again if you don't want to, you'd just have to stand up for yourself. Her being a relation (not even a blood one) to your DCs makes no difference. My child does not see family members who could treat me or him this appallingly.

Anyway, the risks of having it out with her on her wedding day have been pointed out - that is what idiots do, they drag you to their level and then defeat you because they are more experienced. Or, in other words, never fight with pigs - you will both get dirty, but pigs like it.

Find a way of letting go of your bitterness - not for her sake, nor to be a better person, but because you deserve to live a life where you are not destroyed from the inside by crippling hatred for someone, who does not even care about you.

How do I let it go candy? If someone gives me the magic words, I will say them and be done with feeling like this. I'll even work for it if I have to.

It's not about rising above it. It's about performing the exact same actions and behaviours that you despise and criticise in her. And it ALL stems from two revolting men committing to young women then introducing them into this weird family dynamic where it's ok to cheat on them openly around other family members.

OP I think you have fallen into the age old trap of making everyone else responsible for your husbands horrible behaviour. He won't let you blame his brother so it all falls squarely on her shoulders and vice versa.

No way would my DC be part of the wedding party for a wedding where I wasn't invited.

That would be my first thought.

My second would be that your SIL would have known all about the many times her DP had cheated the first time she opened her mouth to criticise my relationship. How on earth did you not just hit back with - 'No, you don't have a perfect DP compared to mine. He's not just cheated on you with one person while you were split up, he spent the time he lived with us shagging everything that moved. Now fuck off and don't you dare pull any shit with me in future.'

If you want a justified 'revenge' - why don't you simply say to your DP that you won't be sidelined within the family because she is a bitch. He either sticks up for you and agrees that either all of you go to the wedding or none of you.

Lovely men in your lives. If I were you I'd tell her before the wedding so she doesn't make a big mistake. People having affairs before they are even married does not bode well for the marriage. You could be nice and let her make an informed decision.

stop ignoring why you feel so insecure in your own relationship that you have to put hers down.

Because she's consistently been a nasty cow? (the SIL, I mean)

How do I let it go candy?

Time and space. it really is as easy as that.

I haven't seen my SiL for.... actually I couldn't tell you how many years it's been now - I have honestly forgotten. And I've totally lost the rage and can't really remember all the reasons why she was such a negative force in our family. That's not to say I think I was mistaken about her, just it's been that long, I don't actually care any more.

That's how.

if BIL did hit you then just ring police re assault.

Could you just not have anything to do with them - did I read right, that your BIL actually hit you? That is shocking. What does your H think about that?

TBH the whole situation sounds horribly toxic and you would do better to get well away from it.

Find yourself a suitable patsy and start laying the gr*oundwork now.Terrible advicethat's TOTALLY what I'd do

I also agree with custardo. Im sick of being a doormat myself so can totally understand how you feel OP.

Id probably settle for a passive aggressive smirk now and then though which no one would notice probably

Please don't do anything to stop this wedding going ahead.

That way you've saved some other poor woman from getting mixed up with this family.

Why have you never left this horrible, poisonous place?

Talkative, my DCs are not involved in the wedding but DH is. If I'm not there then I'm not sure who is supposed to look after them. They're still quite young and will need supervision.

I was gutted when she approached me at the wedding. Any other time and place I'd have told her straight but I didn't want to cause a scene at my own wedding.

Vivi, thank you. That really gives me hope that I will reach a point of indifference given enough time.

BIL has never hit me but I saw him go for a woman once who was arguing with SIL. I would be worried about getting on the wrong side of her due to him. If I reported him then he would certainly get a custodial sentence due to his previous convictions. I would then be blamed for making them destitute as he's the sole earner.

I don't actually want to stop their wedding. I think they deserve each other. I'm just tempted to play a bit of tit for tat. See how she likes it.

Renter, seeing it all written down has been a bit of an eye opener. I guess you don't notice these things when they're spread out over a decade.

Only read first page...she IS getting her just deserts: she's about to yoke herself to a serial philanderer.

I was most upset as I had asked the staff to spell out 'bitch' with her peas and she never saw it. PMSL

Someone said that revenge is a dish best served cold. Put a sign in the vol au vents OP

It was obvious from the beginning SIL is a bully.

Not saying anything because he would hit you is giving in to another bully.

Just because your children are related to them does not mean they have to have a relationship with them. I keep my children away from relations as they would be toxic. My children would suffer more from having them in their lives than they do from having a smaller family.

OP - seriously. Stop all this nonsense. Your kids don't need to be brought up with such shite relations. You don't want them marrying a distant cousin and carrying on this crap.