I know I am - but I'm so tempted to exact my revenge

[Revenger]

I have never gotten on with my SIL. She's always been nasty to me in a very underhand way. I never confronted her in order to keep family peace. But the final straw came at my wedding where she went out of her way to spoil it for us. There was lots of things but the worst was bringing up my husbands affair. I knew about it, five years had passed and we'd moved on. So she had no good reason to mention this at our wedding.

Anyway, her wedding is booked for this year and I've recently found out that her soon to be DH has shagged one of her bridesmaids. He's had other affairs, but I don't think she knows about this one.

I really want to say to her at the wedding, 'I really admire you and DH. You've got such a strong relationship. I mean, I don't think I'd have been able to have one of my friends as bridesmaid if she and my husband had been having sex' . This would totally play on the fact that she harps on about how her and DP have a better relationship than basically anyone else, but particularly me and DH.

I know this makes me sound evil. I'm not in general but I want to get her back for the years of crap she's put me through.

So, WIBU to do this?

He choses his brother over his wife even when he sees how upset she is.

Will he choose his brother over his children as well when she treats them badly?

Now I never said they are any better. But this is about her.

I haven't even told you all about the other stuff she's done.

I saw her announce her DC was being picked up and she didn't come back. The table was in front of us.
I saw her arguing with my friends. They filled me in by telling me that it had been going on all day with her digs.
she told me about the school fees and her step mother. That was her attempt at impressing me.

She latched onto me when we both had DC days apart. She insisted on meeting up with me all the time and I got to know her better than I would have liked at that point. I have years of material to talk about. Got only knows what's been said since I stopped talking to her.

Surely it's better revenge to let her marry the cheating arsehole, only to find out later what he's been up to?

thegreylady - I hope your spelling was better in the letter to your husband's OW . (repetitive)

"I can't keep the DC away, DH won't allow it."

Fine if he wants to see his brother, but there's no reason for your kids to be subjected to her.

Toffee, probably. I'm at breaking point with it though as I know she'll never change.

Love that story thegreylady. What do you think of my revenge plan? It sounds amateurish compared to yours . Love the letter thing.

It was only one woman (he's fought with men too) but yes, saw him very differently after that. I don't think he hits her though but what do I know.

OP, why are you ignoring people trying to tell you that she might actually be in a more awful situation than you originally thought ?

Your BIL attacks women in plain sight. I wouldn't like to imagine what he does to her behind closed doors.

Perhaps the thought of that could keep your cockles warm at night as you snuggle up to your own detestable husband.

It can rain, she can get muddy shoes, bad hair and maybe a bit sick after eating too much cake, or falling over at their first dance...

If she is truly happy to be marrying this man none of these things would matter to her anyway, but the photos might not be so great

Try to keep your spirits up and plan nice events/outings for you, your DH and your little ones. maybe plan a fabulous weekend away for the date of their wedding???

One fluffy, hippy, kind of way to get rid of your anger is to drive to a lake, find a big rock/stone, hold it in both hands for 5 minutes thinking of all the things about her that make you mad/angry/upset.
Then let out the loudest scream/shout of her name you can manage and throw the stone as far into the lake as you can.
then have a nice walk and go home and do something just for you.

super, should I put it in the card then? She'll only read it after .

I am feeling better about this. The whole situation has left me feeling powerless and second best to his family so it's nice to be able to talk it through here even if it does highlight issues.

Hee hee greylady

Write her a letter pouring out all your feelings and really socking it to her. Then burn it.

This is NOT about her. There's something really bizarre going on here with these two men you are married to. Can you not see that it is their behaviours that have given you the reasons you argue.

Your husbands affair.
Your BIL's affair(s).

Would you be arguing if these things hadn't happened? Would this toxic competitive dynamic between you even exist?

AF, of course if that's the case then it's very sad but I just can't see it. The way they are together, he's very much under the thumb. If he hits her, I can't believe she would speak to him as she does but again, I wouldn't know so I can't say.

I've suggested that the DC not be allowed to go, particularly as DH is in the wedding party so there will be nobody to look after them. He won't have it though and he won't miss his brothers wedding. I think I'd like to go away that weekend though. It's booked on DH's birthday too.

I already know the wedding will be vulgar grand. She's obsessed with money you see. What better way to show it off than with a huge wedding .

sparkly, yes, I think it would. I agree the situation with the brothers is odd but we don't hate each other because if their affairs. She's been weird and mean to me from day dot. And she has no reason to be either because I've always been nice to her.

so your DH's brother is a serial philanderer with no conscience , your DH has cheated in the past, one of her BM is scummy enough to sleep with her 'mates' fiancee..... and that's ignoring your SIL's actions , forget revenge, get the hell out of this moral cesspit of a family!!!

When you put it like that Howling, her life doesn't seem so rosy.

It's too late now, these people are related to my DC.

Perhaps I am a po faced wonder but I find this thread disturbing on many, many levels.

Just because the men in their lives are fuckwits doesn't mean that the SIL is not also a fuckwit.

I'm not advocating lowering yourself to her level, though.

If you do ever have to speak to her again and she brags, I recommend the phrase 'I don't care'. Or 'Why does it matter?' followed by a puzzled look. She'll describe you as so jealous that you can't actually stand it, but I imagine the look on her face at the time will make up for it.

Apologies round. I sometimes read posts here that change my view of the world momentarily. I'm truly not as horrible as this thread suggests though. My life is far wider than the circumstances with DH's family.

This would make you as bad as her - rise above it and don't let her get to you. The problem is hers

Sounds like fun, I say go for it. What's the worst that can happen?

Plump, she already thinks I'm jealous if her Facebook posts are anything to go by.

I think maybe I am a tiny bit but only if the perfect life she likes to paint is true. Which I'm starting to suspect it isn't.

I wish I'd found MN sooner. I suspect I'd have been able to nip this behaviour in the bud but I'm useless in the face of boastful and underhand people. I can't bring myself to be anything other than extremely polite.

That's four yays and countless nays.

I've got a few months to make up my mind.

If you must tell her, ell her before the wedding. If she cancels, you've achieved what you set out to do, and you can have a grudging respect for her.

If she goes ahead, her look-out. You can be sure you'll have caused her some heartache, but you can also be sure that you've given her fair warning.

But don't, if you are a better person than her, tell her on the day or afterwards.

Are you a better person than her?

You are all awful.