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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that they seem to have lots more disposable cash than me?

295 replies

JRmumma · 05/01/2014 21:43

Just to be clear, in not 'benefits bashing' but a friend of mine who chose not to return to work after DC3 as she worked out that tax credits and housing benefit would make her family 'no worse off', seems to have lots more money than me.

To explain my situation, i have 1DC and am on mat leave at present. When i go back to work, we will have less money than we do at the moment after work travel costs and childcare is paid for. I have to go back full time to enable us to survive even though i didn't want to, but accept that children are expensive and needs must. We are also having to seriously cut back on the few luxuries that we currently have (memberships/subscriptions).

Ive just discovered that my friend has just booked her second holiday for this year. Without saying where it is for fear of outing myself, its a v expensive holiday for her and hubby. The other holiday is a European all inclusive jobby for the whole family. All 3 DC also had expensive electronics for Xmas.

This really fucks me off. Where am i going wrong? If they have enough money for exotic holidays and all the latest mod cons, why are they receiving tax credits and housing benefit? And why oh why will the only holiday i get this year be a £9.50 sun holiday if both me and DH work full time and claim nothing?

OP posts:
harriet247 · 05/01/2014 21:44

Feel your pain im afraid. Either shes good saver/couponer or its on the plastic

hettie · 05/01/2014 21:45

They could be up to their neck in debt to do this?

SaucyJack · 05/01/2014 21:46

Why don't you sell your house and rent a property you can claim HB on if you think it'd be so much easier?

ohgodimgoingtobesick · 05/01/2014 21:47

trust me i feel your pain. DH is a VERY high earner but we have not been on holiday for 2 yrs!!

Fairenuff · 05/01/2014 21:48

There are millions of people with more disposable cash that you. Are you going to let that bother you?

MissWimpyDimple · 05/01/2014 21:48

I think it can seem this way, but it's impossible to say how people run their finances.

I know that on the outside I appear to be generous and have lots of money but the reality is that I am incredibly frugal about things that others spend lots on.

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2014 21:49

They could have whacked it on a credit card for all you know

There's really no point in thinking like this OP

Just concentrate on you and yours or you'll end up bitter

macdoodle · 05/01/2014 21:49

I'm a high earner, single parent. My mortgage, professional fees and childcare, eat most of my income. My disposable income is zilch. Caravans and camping for us.

Original poster
JRmumma · 05/01/2014 21:49

That's the thing saucy, i don't think it would be easier. I have no idea how they do it. I don't know how much money they have or receive in benefits/tax credits but to receive them, as i understand it. They cant have a colossal amount of money coming in.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 05/01/2014 21:49

Do you own your own home?

FightingOverImaginaryIcecream · 05/01/2014 21:51

Your situation is short term though, once the DC are in school and the childcare burden becomes less, you will be better off, your friend is less likely to improve her circumstances as the years go by.

When you work you have a chance at promotion, you should be accruing a pension, all things which tax credits do not buy. If I gave up my pension I would immediately be much better off each month, might buy a few holidays now, but not so good in the long term.

macdoodle · 05/01/2014 21:51

Own is a loose word no? My mortgage runs till I am 65.

macdoodle · 05/01/2014 21:52

Hmm teenage children are expensive, shoes, clothes, school stuff/trips. The uni costs. Cant see my expenses going down any time soon.

Original poster
JRmumma · 05/01/2014 21:53

Yes we do own our home ken.

You make a good point fighting, in the long term i guess we will be much better off.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 05/01/2014 21:54

And the pension thing is an interesting one. My contributions make up 27% of my gross income. But since I joined, the retirement age has been moved up significantly, and the contributions keep climbing. May be that I will be better off not contributing or retiring early. An absurd situation, as I am an expensive trained professional.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 05/01/2014 21:55

Does her DH have a high income?

Maybe she has wealthy parents?

Friends of mine (one works ft and the other pt) have a lot more cash than us but that is due to a massive inheritance when her GM passed coupled with the fact that he gets a huge discount on holidays due to the nature of their job.

I am not in the least envious. I m happy that they can afford nice things. Them not having nice things wouldnt make me more able to have nice things.

BackforGood · 05/01/2014 21:58

I was going to say the same as Fighting - you have to think in the long term, and just 'swallow' these next few lean years.
Also agree with Worra - there's no point in fretting over other people seemingly having more money to spend than you, it just will make you jealous or bitter. There will always be people with more cash to spend than you, and equally there will be others with less. Also, as MisWimpyDimple said, people choose to scrim on different things and spend on different things - what seems a wild extravagance to you, because you wouldn't spend your budget on it, can be really important to the next family, who perhaps spend a lot less on something that you feel is important to your family.

cantthinkofagoodone · 05/01/2014 21:59

It just doesn't add up. If you're receiving tax credits, youddon't have much disposable income unless you're fiddling the system.

They're either getting parental help, in debt or the above.

Try not to be jealous although it is a natural response.

Original poster
JRmumma · 05/01/2014 21:59

Nope, no high income (as they then wouldn't get help would they?) and no family money.

I'm not envious as such (maybe of the holiday they have just booked but not of their lives) but i just cant understand how they can possibly have the money to do it if they 'need' housing benefit.

OP posts:
HandragsNGladbags · 05/01/2014 22:04

You cannot judge the finances of others. My friend looks to an outsider like they have everything, new car (on HP) lovely house (interest only mortgage that her in laws often pay as DH has a gambling/drinking problem) lovely clothes (credit cards) and has to count out her money for a £5 Chinese once a month.

But they spend and have holidays, much paid for by other people or on credit.

We have less disposable income than some but we are planning for a secure future.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 05/01/2014 22:04

It is really annoying. I've got a friend who lives off her benefits and is always buying new things, going out, having holidays. I don't know how she does it because people on here tell me that benefits aren't a lot at all, but she's always saying she has loads of money left over to spend on stuff for her. She's not want to coupon either, she thinks it's scruffy Hmm very confused as to why she feels that way

dashoflime · 05/01/2014 22:06

Either her DH earns much more than yours
Or, they have savings
Or, as others have said, they are in debt
Or, you are also entitled to tax credits but have not claimed

If you are close friends you could always ask her (politely!) I suppose.
Or you could get a professional to look over your general financial situation/benefits entitlement- just to check you aren't missing something.

Agree, its best not to dwell on it though.

Kendodd · 05/01/2014 22:07

I know a two couples were neither of them have every really worked. I'm jealous of them, they both have loads of money. One of them has inherited four farms, they other couple were given a £900,000 house as a wedding present, plus they have other money.

They are all really lovely people though, so although I am jealous, I don't dislike them at all.

This is a bit different to your situation as well in that it's not public money they're benefiting from. But as other posters have said you will most likely end up better off then them in the long term. Unlike with my friends, unless I win the lottery I will never be so well off.

Ditavontitty · 05/01/2014 22:08

Yanbu op-bil was bragging yesterday about how he is going on a european holiday and sil is going to new york for a week .I know for a fact that he does not earn as much as my dh and sil works in a shop.I would love to know where they are getting the fucking cash from.

Weller · 05/01/2014 22:12

The holidays you seem to be describing would be over the threshold for allowed savings and still claiming housing benefit so they would have to be gift / debt or fraud. Tax credits only require interest on savings to be declared so you could technically be quite well off assets wise with savings and no or low mortgage and still be entitled to tax credits.