to be pissed off that they seem to have lots more disposable cash than me?

[JRmumma]

Just to be clear, in not 'benefits bashing' but a friend of mine who chose not to return to work after DC3 as she worked out that tax credits and housing benefit would make her family 'no worse off', seems to have lots more money than me.

To explain my situation, i have 1DC and am on mat leave at present. When i go back to work, we will have less money than we do at the moment after work travel costs and childcare is paid for. I have to go back full time to enable us to survive even though i didn't want to, but accept that children are expensive and needs must. We are also having to seriously cut back on the few luxuries that we currently have (memberships/subscriptions).

Ive just discovered that my friend has just booked her second holiday for this year. Without saying where it is for fear of outing myself, its a v expensive holiday for her and hubby. The other holiday is a European all inclusive jobby for the whole family. All 3 DC also had expensive electronics for Xmas.

This really fucks me off. Where am i going wrong? If they have enough money for exotic holidays and all the latest mod cons, why are they receiving tax credits and housing benefit? And why oh why will the only holiday i get this year be a £9.50 sun holiday if both me and DH work full time and claim nothing?

YABU you could save the childcare costs by staying at home and you would have a higher disposable income.
You are not more worthy of a disposable income just because you work. You need to look how you spend your money and the choices you have made.
I too am like your friend, work costs too much money.
FWIW children aren't expensive, once again it depends on how you spend your money.

Dita, yes its the bragging isn't it!

I hate talking about money in RL. I honestly don't care if someone earns much more than me and do not think that wealth should be an issue in friendships etc, BUT in a situation like this its an issue if its thrown in your face.

Not benefit bashing, oh no of course not (!)

I used to be in awe of my sil and her dp as they had 4 foreign holidays each year, their kids had designer gear, they ran 2 great cars, seemed to be out all the time eating and drinking etc. They gave off the impression of having it all.

Fast forward a few years and their marriage falls apart and it turns out they had £27 in unsecured loans and had put another £60k on the mortgage. Sil came crying to us that she's left with nothing but debt now.

I think a lot of what people have is show.

"You are not more worthy of a disposable income just because you work."

I think you are, and I'm a SAHM.

That should have read as £27k in unsecured loans.

I once got told I must be fiddling the system somehow. I was a single parent working a temp job at the time and as a family we had nice clothes, nice car didn't worry about buying things, children got to go on expensive school trips etc but that person couldn't be further from the truth. I am a single parent but my exh is very wealthy so yes I do have money doesn't mean I want to shout about it to everyone though. My point is that you don't know every aspect of their finances or how they spend. If the wife watches every penny while she's shopping then it could be possible to save. Things like hb and tax credits don't work on how well you can budget and some people just budget better than others.

You have no idea who even paid for the holiday. Unless you have access to peoples bank accounts then you have no idea how they live or what their situation is.

morethan - that's not true. If i didn't work we could not meet our mortgage and bills, let alone be able to eat on DH's salary and DH has an ok job and our mortgage is not huge.

We spend our money as sensibly as possible. We don't have Sky tv, gym memberships, a new car, ANY holidays atm and meal plan and all the rest of it. There are no more corners to be cut.

I understand it not being worth going back to work due to childcare costa etc but if you have to have hb etc then surely you cant afford exotic holidays?

You are not more worthy of a disposable income just because you work

Of course you are.

Kendodd

We will have to beg to differ,
to me if you spend all your salary on work that is your decision, if there is little left at the end of it, that's your choice.
You are no more worthy than somebody who saves their money be it from work or benefit.

^YABU you could save the childcare costs by staying at home and you would have a higher disposable income.
You are not more worthy of a disposable income just because you work. You need to look how you spend your money and the choices you have made.
I too am like your friend, work costs too much money.
FWIW children aren't expensive, once again it depends on how you spend your money^

Some people want to work and give back, some people would like to demonstrate a good work ethic to their children. Many of us would be better off not working, but it's ridiculous to see it as a lifestyle choice.

Work costs too much money? Benefits for people who don't need them cost a lot more.

lottie actually i have loads of knowledge of their finances as her DH talks about money all the time. i also know that her mobile phone gets cut off almost every month as she hasn't enough money in her account to pay the bill so not exactly a master budgeter/saver.

With your last post its obvious that they don't have disposable cash they are just spending irresponsibly and possibly on credit

I know someone who has four children; she doesn't work, and her DH works in a low paid job, so they get tax credits and housing benefit.

They seem to be rolling in the money; hardly a day goes by without her posting on FB about something or other that she's bought. Her kids got piles of presents at Christmas, and have expensive birthday parties with professionally-made cakes

I just wonder how they do it!

Weller The lower capital threshold for HB is £6,000. The higher threshold is £16,000. No holiday costs £16,000 surely (or am I being very provincial?)

DH is FT, I work PT (though did FT until DS started school)
We went through the 2 full time private nursery stage "Is it worth you working, all your money goes on childcare" (Well yes, because if I left my job for 5 years there's no guarentee I'd be able to get back into an equivelant job).

Then Breakfast & Afterschool club for 2DC x 3days was £72 a week.

We had no tax credits (not eligible) but now they are at Secondary it's easier (until they go to University)

But I had pangs when I saw schoolmums in Ugg boots, designer jeans driving BMWs and Mercedes.
Talking about their 'plans' for the day "I'm going to get my hair done/ eyebrows done"

Yes I have no idea how they got the money and it's NOMB.

You just need to and move on.

I think there is a massive cash economy that many people in standard, salaried jobs never see. Obviously I don't know enough about your friend to know whether her family is part of this, but if you don't declare all of your income then you would also be able to claim benefits based on the lower income that is declared.

morethanpotatoprints I have read and reread your posts and can't quite believe what you are saying. If I understand you correctly you are saying if you work and have very little disposable money left then you are not any more worthy of someone on benefits. WTF? If people choose not to work (and had the same attitude as you) then there would not be a benefit system in this country. People who work, pay tax, which pays for benefits. That makes the people who work VERY worthy indeed !!!

You have to be happy with what you have. We share a car, have a small house, holiday in the UK etc. But I am a SAHM which is what I really want so I don't envy those with much more disposable income because there are always people worse off, you could go on all day. Life isn't fair, some people have free childcare, some are left houses and money etc. I know some people who seem to be rolling in it and get a lot of stuff paid for that we struggle to pay but again are thankful for what we have. If you really want to SAH though can you look into doing that.

I suspect the hidden information that would make sense of this is:

1. Housing Costs
2. Childcare Costs

If all this is happening in the SE- then its totally possible for people to be working FT and subsisting at around the equivalent of benefits level because of the stupid rents, the very steep tapers on HB and the costs of travel and childcare.

Conversely, I suppose if a couple had very low housing costs, they could get by much better on one wage and some tax credits than most other people could manage on two. This happens where people were lucky enough to buy cheap in the 80s for example (the swine!)

The OP has said that this couple are on Tax Credits and HB though, which doesn't make sense because however generous the Tax Credits- that steep taper on the HB will still see them paying the majority of it in rent.

OP- are you certain about the HB part?

I actually feel slightly soiled speculating about all this. We do all realise this is none of our business right?

"You are not more worthy of a disposable income just because you work."

I think you are, and I'm a SAHM.

I should add I'm not in receipt of any state benefits, I'm just very very lucky that DH earns enough to allow us to make that decision.

"work costs too much money." So I'll take public money instead?

Couldn't you just casually asked her, when she next mentions that her phone keeps getting cut off from not paying her direct debit? Just say something like 'How is it you can afford 2 holidays, when you struggle to pay your mobile phone bill?' Well not that bluntly obviously, but you know what I mean. Just get the tone right so it doesn't sound too accusatory!!

Yes to SE, and HB.

I know its none of my business but i just ranted on here coz i cant in RL!

I say the same thing every time these threads come up but it annoys me so much that sometimes benefits pay more than work. That should never be the case, minimum wage in this country is a joke.