to be pissed off that they seem to have lots more disposable cash than me?

[JRmumma]

Just to be clear, in not 'benefits bashing' but a friend of mine who chose not to return to work after DC3 as she worked out that tax credits and housing benefit would make her family 'no worse off', seems to have lots more money than me.

To explain my situation, i have 1DC and am on mat leave at present. When i go back to work, we will have less money than we do at the moment after work travel costs and childcare is paid for. I have to go back full time to enable us to survive even though i didn't want to, but accept that children are expensive and needs must. We are also having to seriously cut back on the few luxuries that we currently have (memberships/subscriptions).

Ive just discovered that my friend has just booked her second holiday for this year. Without saying where it is for fear of outing myself, its a v expensive holiday for her and hubby. The other holiday is a European all inclusive jobby for the whole family. All 3 DC also had expensive electronics for Xmas.

This really fucks me off. Where am i going wrong? If they have enough money for exotic holidays and all the latest mod cons, why are they receiving tax credits and housing benefit? And why oh why will the only holiday i get this year be a £9.50 sun holiday if both me and DH work full time and claim nothing?

But it's not a benefits bashing thread. Nope. Yeah, right.

Your friend is probably envious of your situation op. You have your own home, have no reason to claim benefits, you can pay your bills on time. I don't envy anyone that has to rely on the government to survive. Dont care where they go to sun themselves or what inch their tv is.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but tax credits look at income and not outgoings, right? So if you owned your house outright you could still get tax credits if you were on a low income. That might explain how someone could be on benefits but have lots of disposable cash.

Well it wasn't meant to be Alice. Ive no problem with people receiving benefits if they are in genuine need of them. Being able to afford 2 amazing holidays per year and ipads and the like for 3 children doesn't seem like a genuine need to me.

I also don't understand why people automatically assume you have a poor view of people who claim benefits if you just happen to be a bit perplexed about how someone who claims them is better off than someone who doesn't.

I accept that i might not know the absolute in and outs of their finances but surely they should have less coming in than me (as only 1 working and obviously don't earn enough to make them ineligible for help), and they do have higher costs to meet i.e. Rent more than my mortgage, 3 children to provide for etc. So why do they appear so much better off?

Yes i think what's been said upthred is true. I will eventually own my own property, have a nice pension, be much better off than i am now when DC not in full time childcare so in the grand scheme of things i guess i am better off. That's a good way of looking at it actually and makes me feel much better about it.

I think the issue in this particular instance is that they clearly are just spending irresponsibly and living month to month, rather than worrying about the future and making adequate provisions for it. I know (because he said these actual words to me) that her DH considers that he doesn't need to think about buying a home or securing a future etc as he has worked out how much my friends father will be worth to them when he dies and he already considers that this is 'his' money. Not only is this attitude vile, but wildly stupid as there may not be any money when he dies and I don't think it will go as far as he seems to think it will. And yes, i do know how much he thinks they will inherit as he told me the numbers.

Well, not everyone can think about buying a house. You say their rent is higher than your mortgage, but they probably have no way of saving up enough money to pay for a deposit. With that, they don't have insurance or to worry about building repairs etc, because their landlord will be responsible for all that.

Count yourself lucky that you can afford your own home, because there are thousands who will never be able to buy a property (DP and I amongst them), and it sucks, but we'll just have to suck it up and rent unless we win the lottery or inherit.

There is no way you can afford '2 amazing holidays per year', plus other expensive luxuries, on benefits alone.

They're in debt. I know people like this, and invariably, invariably, they are juggling credit cards, payday loans, and God knows what else.

We have no TV because we can't afford someone to fix the aerial. We have a car that we can't drive most of the time because the fan doesn't work. We have no bed (sleep on a mattress with gone springs). We have no shower (it broke and we can't afford to fix it). We have no swimming lessons, ballet, stage school. We have no gym membership and no mobile phone contracts.

We have between 1-2 holidays abroad a year in the winter and lots of weekends and weeks away in the UK in the summer.

It's priorities innit.

You have no idea what sacrafices they have made in order to afford those holidays or indeed whether they are gifted to them.

And I agree with others about them being in debt. They're probably paying for everything with plastic and payday loans, or high-interest overdrafts. Why is that something to be jealous of? Debt is a horrible stress to carry around with you.

And holidays, even luxury ones can be done cheaply if you are determined that they are.

We book our flights well in advance, but book any desperate-to-be-booked villa a couple of nights before we fly. We sacrifice choice but we do get a love big place for not much.

Oh and we have ipads.

I think what OP feels is very natural and despite what everyone is saying here about it being wrong to judge, it is human nature.

But the thing I've learned is that we all have different priorities in life. And when people say "I can't afford it", they often merely mean "It's not a big enough priority for me"

I have friends who go on exotic holidays each year but then can't 'afford' to buy a Starbucks coffee.

Me? I can't afford all those luxurious gifts like PS4's and laptops that many of my friends kids got for xmas. What I mean is that I'd rather save for our future than buy them a gadget which teaches them nothing about the value of money.

I don't think that these people are necessarily in debt. Apart from our mortgage we have never had anymore debt, as we don't like it hanging round our necks.
you just save, cut back and prioritise your lifestyle. Obviously people have different priorities.
being a 2 car family has never interested us, that's a fair amount of money saved just there, as we've been together for 25 years. I'm sure that has paid for a few holidays or electronic gadgets or dancing/music lessons.
its whats important to you.

Ive no problem with people receiving benefits if they are in genuine need of them. Being able to afford 2 amazing holidays per year and ipads and the like for 3 children doesn't seem like a genuine need to me.

It's not your decision who is in "genuine need" of them. God, you really are happy to make some serious assumptions.

I'm on benefits. I have a good car (bought for me by exMIL as she's a lovely person), and we have an ipad. The ipad was actually purchased for my DS1 by his specialised school as they bought one for every child in their school. We don't have "amazing holidays" simply because DS1 is disabled and holidays generally are filled with stress for him, so we just don't go. We had a lovely expensive day trip once, that was paid for by a disability charity.

Someone from the outside looking in might think we're flush with throwaway cash as well. But they'd be wrong.

And you didn't mean for this to be a benefits bashing thread? Bollocks! Anyone that starts a thread whinging about how someone on benefits has more money than someone that is working is ABSOLLUTELY looking for a good "benefits bashing thread" to start.

I don't believe you have the full story. The benefits system wouldn't fund two holidays as you describe.

Stop being so grubby and petty, and envious about your 'friend's' benefits and lifestyle. And have a

absolutely, even. spelling. sigh

They could be eating beans on toast several nights a week and walking about a cold house to save money for luxury holidays.
It's all about priorities. My priorities are a decent warm home, education and a good diet.
People spend money differently so whilst it's natural to wonder how some people seem to have more disposable income than their circumstances seem to allow, it isn't possible to work out why that is without asking the person and going through their income and expenditure with a fine tooth comb.

They may be on the fiddle.

I'd be horrified if someone asked me how I could afford this or that. It's none of their business. It's just nosey and rude.

You can have two separate families, both with roughly same income, and they could easily have vastly different amounts of available cash each month. There are so many variables - house payments, utility usage, school lunches/packed lunches, grocery shopping habits, number of cars or transportation type used, general spending and saving habits, debt, childcare, buying on credit, family members gifting big ticket items or holidays. The list is massive.

It's very simple. Get. A. Life. (and stop worrying about what others have!)

Questioning the way the benefits system is administered does not automatically equate to 'benefit bashing'.

People are allowed to discuss the state services and systems that they pay for in their taxes without expecting to be criticised for it.

There are plenty of posts complaining about treatment they received from GPs, GPs receptionists, hospitals, teachers, shop assistants, people don't automatically jump on board to complain of bashing at any of those things.

Why does discussing the benefit system that we pay for seem to be taken as a personal insult by so many posters?

I am on benefits but as a carer. I remember once a friend making a snarky comment about me having two 40 inch flatscreen tellys and an xbox. What she couldn't grasp was one telly was bought with my wages from when I was working and the second my mum gave me her telly free when she upgraded and my mum works for the police and at the time was loaded. The xbox was second hand and again was bought with work wages.

My point is you don't know how the holiday was funded. And why be envious? You will be better off in the long term. I will never own my own house and I will always be my ds carer

Oh, please. She wasn't questioning the way the benefits system is administered. She was bitching because her acquaintance has MORE than her.

Yes Alice, because it seems odd to her, and to many people, that benefits claimants can be better off financially than non benefits claimants.

FFS, she doesn't KNOW that this woman is better off financially than her. She could have bought stuff on credit. A family member (grandparent maybe) could have bought the fancy electronics for Christmas or she could have been scrimping on groceries for months to save up for some of it. I got a free Wii system (with all sorts of controllers and games) from MN during a product testing thing - I suppose people thought we were well off to have it. It would have cost a small fortune to buy it outright (thankfully it was all free - or we still wouldn't have it!). I also got a free 3DS from MN from a draw. Again, add that to the ipad from DS1's school, and it could look like I bought lots of expensive electronics, but I didn't.

Lots of families pool together to go on holidays, parents buy holidays for their adult children, she could have gotten the holidays at a reduced price.

The point I'm trying to make is.... THE OP DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT THE WOMAN'S ACTUAL FINANCES OTHER THAN SHE RECEIVES SOME BENEFITS AND IS MAKING ASSUMPTIONS BASED ON THAT.... and breathe...

YANBU to be jealous - its shit working hard and not seeing any rewards

but they may be putting it on credit cards?

She's already said the OP struggled to pay her phone bill, so IMO there's more likely some serious credit debt building up or some other explanation.