to be pissed off that they seem to have lots more disposable cash than me?

[JRmumma]

Just to be clear, in not 'benefits bashing' but a friend of mine who chose not to return to work after DC3 as she worked out that tax credits and housing benefit would make her family 'no worse off', seems to have lots more money than me.

To explain my situation, i have 1DC and am on mat leave at present. When i go back to work, we will have less money than we do at the moment after work travel costs and childcare is paid for. I have to go back full time to enable us to survive even though i didn't want to, but accept that children are expensive and needs must. We are also having to seriously cut back on the few luxuries that we currently have (memberships/subscriptions).

Ive just discovered that my friend has just booked her second holiday for this year. Without saying where it is for fear of outing myself, its a v expensive holiday for her and hubby. The other holiday is a European all inclusive jobby for the whole family. All 3 DC also had expensive electronics for Xmas.

This really fucks me off. Where am i going wrong? If they have enough money for exotic holidays and all the latest mod cons, why are they receiving tax credits and housing benefit? And why oh why will the only holiday i get this year be a £9.50 sun holiday if both me and DH work full time and claim nothing?

People often spend to their means and then can't understand how others live on less.
Do you run two cars op?
Spend a lot on food?
Live in a pricier area or larger house?
They may simply be good at not spending much on day to day living so they have more for holidays.
People on this there's saying they are high earners but struggle that is absurd. You are overspending you just don't realise.

On whether people who work are "more worthy". Consider this:

People who are carers
People who have been disabled in youth- and will never work

Are these people "less worthy"?

SAHMs used to be the norm. The "family wage" used to be a left wing demand. Now you hear people talking about how staying at home is a privilege for the few. It pisses me off that two wages are needed now- where one would have been needed previously. They've really done a number on us there.

If they're claiming HB and live in the SE lets hope these people aren't their LL or they my find themselves out on their ear soon.

Don't be resentful OP- in the long term you'll be far better off, as childcare bills will reduce then stop, plus you're investing in your pension. Tax credits won't be around much longer, and despite Cameron's promises about the state pension until 2020, I can't see it being something most of us would want to rely on in our old age.

I am like macdoodle. Have a professional high paying job. Single parent. Get no benefits at all. A huge chunk of my salary goes on mortgage and childcare. I actually worked out that if it wasn't for money I also get for dd from her father, there would't be enought left over from my salary to pay for our food. Everyone's finances are different.

thants we live in a smaller house in a shittier area and trust me when i say i am a very good budgeter and better than my friend especially.

We are not on the breadline and do have social lives and some nice things. But we do not have money for expensive holidays and gadgets and nice cars.

I don't begrudge anyone these things but just cant understand that if someone earns a similar amount to my DH can do all of these things PLUS support a wife and 3 DCs but need to claim hb and txcs, whereas we both work (earn probably double combined)and can do none. Even if i didn't return to work we would get no help at all in the form of hb or txcs either.

no

SAHM-dom is a very recent construct

the death of domestic service (servants, if you will) after WW1 meant a severe lack of opportunity for uneducated women to work*

*A level history from 30 years ago or suchlike

In that case JRMumma you should blame the ridiculous housing bubble, not your friend.

That depended perhaps on where you lived Pedlar, in my family the women worked in factories and shops and much preferred that to the dreaded domestic service. They all gave up after marriage and then mostly went back to work after children grew up.

In have relatives who live in benefits, they go on holiday every year because we pay for it.

I am sure there is probably a thread about then somewhere moaning about the fact that they have something positive in their lives.

I have also bought them flat screen TVs.

PeddlarsSpanner Check out "Working Class Wives" a 1930's survey of er, working class wives. All SAHM . The only ones working outside the home were younger and only had one or two children. After thet, the workload at home became too heavy to allow time for anything else.

Isn't the massive difference the fact you are on your way to owning your home?

I might just own my home just in time to see it to pay for my nursing home care, hmmm not looking like such a good deal nowadays!

There are many people on benefits who own their own home.
There are so many stereotypical assumptions on this thread.
I certainly don't see what being ill educated has to do with it.
There are PG qualified people receiving benefit.

Thank you DashOfLime
I don't think anybody is more worthy, in any way, than anybody else, just because they work.

It might give you some choice if your care home.

MNers seem to be fond of passing on assets early as well, so you can pass on your wealth to your children - again a choice you have.

As someone who works in the medical field that is nonsense unless you are very very wealthy, as in all things !

Some people are just really good with their money.

Not sure how I pass it on if I'm still living in it.

Lots of threads on here about signing property over, making cash transfers etc.

I agree with Dash as well. Great points.

Your DH must be earning above the national average if you wouldn't be eligible for any tax credits on his salary alone. You do realise that many families, even in London, get by on less than the national average? I know because we were one of them. You say you can't cut any corners, but there are loads of people living on less than you, because they have made different choices.

I agree with thants, I will never understand people who say they have a high income but can't afford things -- you could afford them if you made different choices, so don't be upset about people who have done just that.

Be grateful for what you DO have and then you won't care about what your friends are doing.

OP.

Your lifestyle choices must be different though, if you are earning more than somebody on benefits and they have a better standard of living than you, then financially you can't be making the right decisions.
I always wanted to be a sahm, but even if I didn't there is no way I'd have kept my old well paid career, as it wasn't compatible with having dc. I could have retrained, got a job and we could have spent the equivalent of one wage and more on working costs such as childcare, transport etc. I wasn't prepared to work for minus money. If you are that's your choice.

If you own your own home a landlord also can't throw you out because he can make more money from someone else. That kind of security is priceless.

I never understand these threads.

Dh works full time, his earnings are £100 short of our rent. I am a full time student. We have 1 dc and I am 7 months pregnant.

We claim partial housing benefit and tax credits. We are skint.

Clearly we are doing something very wrong as we don't have gadgets or expensive holidays.

Aw, thanks Jellybeans