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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a grown man should be able to buy sanitary towels?

276 replies

JingleJemJem · 05/01/2014 09:48

My DH won't buy them for me. So even though he does our weekly shop if I need any I have to go out and buy them separately. He says it's embarrassing looking 'in that aisle'.

Today I'm suffering with a heavy period and cramps and need more towels but I can't be bothered having the discussion with him to try and get him to buy me some as I know he won't, so I'm going to have to go out and get them myself.

Do other men behave this immaturely when it comes to 'women's things'? Or is it just mine? If there was a male equivalent I wouldn't think twice about buying it for him!

OP posts:
ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 06/01/2014 09:54

JeanS I was just trying to ascertain how big his issue was. Whether he is a baby or a twat.

FryOneFatManic · 06/01/2014 10:19

At present my periods are so irregular I have been caught out several times. There simply isn't any way of predicting when I'm going to come on, so yes I've been caught short more than once. I've been lucky so far, but I know DP would buy them if I needed them (although I've now bought a mooncup).

As for DD. Her 2nd period, she came home from school having flooded heavily through her clothes and was in a state of distress. DP went to get supplies for her. Should he have left her in that distressed state? Instead of doing the grown up thing?

50% of the population will be having periods at some time of the life, so the other 50% should get over their "embarrassment" and accept it's a fact of life.

elliejjtiny · 06/01/2014 10:19

My DH is willing but clueless. I was having the period from hell and asked him to buy the biggest, most absorbent pads he could find. He came back with pantyliners Hmm

spiderlight · 06/01/2014 10:28

elliejj I think I've met him! Some poor bloke came up to me in Tesco once and said 'Can you help me please?' He led me to the sanitary products, gestured towards the entire aisle with an air of utter futility and said 'Which ones are good...?' He didn't even know whether his wife wanted tampons or towels or what the difference was, so I sent him off with a nice selection!'

Fakebook · 06/01/2014 10:34

I've sent my husband out loads of times for pads, maternity pads and (a new one to the list...) breast pads. He got the breast pads without even asking me which ones he had to get and got it right. I was impressed!

I don't see why it would be embarrassing. It's pretty obvious to anyone that a man wouldn't be getting the sanitary products for himself.

sussexmum38 · 06/01/2014 10:39

Mine has bought them for me without any fuss. He sounds a bit of a wimp.

Original poster
JingleJemJem · 06/01/2014 10:41

In answer to gigglestar, this wasn't a case of me not bothering to have any in stock, I did have some but I haven't had a period for 18 months due to bf and pregnancy and this first one was much heavier than normal - I hadn't prepared for that as it didn't happen last time I had a baby, so what I had wasn't the right absorbency and was rapidly running out, sorry for over sharing slightly but just wanted to clarify!

Anyway the reason I came on was to update that we have had a talk, he squirmed a bit at first but then accepted he'd been a bit daft and agreed he will buy them in future. As long as I write down which ones to get :)

OP posts:
Original poster
JingleJemJem · 06/01/2014 10:44

Also I did point out to him that when our DD is older I absolutely do not want her to feel embarrassed or ashamed about periods,so its even more important for him to get over himself. He agreed, sheepishly.

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 06/01/2014 10:56

Jingle, good result. And you've been able to talk to your DH about it with him taking on board what you've said.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/01/2014 11:21

flipchart... Of course it's not weird, I didn't say that it was, did I?

JeanSeberg (I do like your username, she was fab)... We run out of stuff from time to time but, as I travel a lot, I keep stocks of these things everywhere. Because of my own circumstances probably, I find it difficult to understand why anybody runs out because the 'toilet paper method' is awful and really a very last resort.

I wonder though if men are as squeamish as women think they are? I'm not sure; I think it's because there are so many different types/styles and some women are fussy. They want their husbands to buy these things but if they get it wrong they hear about it. I've asked my husband to buy sanpro for me, he's happy to as long as he knows exactly what. I tell him ONLY Tampax Pearl but towels can be anything that is 'long'. I don't tell him off when he gets back either. We both do the 'shop'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/01/2014 11:24

I like the idea of the toiletry bag supplies; that's a really good idea.

JeanSeberg · 06/01/2014 11:27

JeanSeberg (I do like your username, she was fab

Thanks Lying - I bought my son Breathless for Christmas, any excuse to watch Jean again!

flipchart · 06/01/2014 11:31

lying no you didn't say it that.
There are quite a few people on the thread that have implied it strange that a male should or be expected to by sanpro. I just said it's not weird that a guy would buy them.

I think it was strange you thinking that women should never run out of tampons or whatever. There are many reasons why they do. I know I have been down to my last few at the end of a period and meant to pick some up but forgot and then it was too late!!

Kewcumber · 06/01/2014 11:38

Glad you've sorted it out Jingle.

Because surely one of the benefits of having a live-in partner is that you can split things like the shopping between you, surely that's not practical if one of you is too delicate to take some packages of the shelf? Perhaps you should each buy your own toilet paper because poo is icky and you shouldn't have to buy (clean, sterile) paper which is going to be used to wipe someone else's poo?

I once spent a week changing someones (obviously used) sanpro for them - never thought I could but d'you know I didn't drop dead or anything. Buying clean wrapped bits of paper seems a doddle.

MoreBeta · 06/01/2014 11:38

LyingWitch - you are right on this:

"....it's because there are so many different types/styles and some women are fussy. They want their husbands to buy these things but if they get it wrong they hear about it."

To be honest, being met a with what appears to be a wall of gaily coloured identically sized boxes of near identical products either online or in a supermarket aisle does tend to leave me overwhelmed but given correct instructions, (i.e. manufacturer and type) its a lot like buying our usual brand of washing powder.

flipchart · 06/01/2014 11:45

morebeta Lying isn't necessary right. She happens to have an opinion that you agree with.

RaRa1988 · 06/01/2014 11:57

Lyingwitch : Umm, I didn't. I would've thought it depends on whether you're expecting to start your period or not Hmm. I wasn't, and mine was so heavy that toilet paper did nowt. I was out and about and the blood was through the toilet paper, knickers, and then jeans in no time, plus smeared all over my thighs. Hardly my fault - I'd had no indication whatsoever that it was about to happen.

Also, re emergencies, I had extremely irregular periods until 23/24. Sometimes I had three separate bleeds within 5-7 weeks; other times, I didn't bleed at all for 3-4 months. Do you honestly think it's that weird that sometimes I wasn't prepared for a bleed when it happened?!

RaRa1988 · 06/01/2014 12:03

Morebeta: If they're sent out with the instruction to 'buy me tampons', possibly, but I doubt many women would do this unless their DP/H already knew what type they wanted. And there are instructions/labels/teardrop ratings on the boxes - if the poor innocent man took the time to look for the ones with wings and for super heavy flow, for example, I'm sure he could manage.

differentnameforthis · 06/01/2014 14:46

My stepfather bought me my first packet. I was babysitting, my mum hadn't thought to prepare me (I was 13, so it was bound to start soon) so totally unprepared. I called her, she sent my stepdad to buy then & bring them to me.

He didn't even think twice about it. I needed something, he saw to it that I go it. He did bring me enormous ones, but he bought them none the less.

differentnameforthis · 06/01/2014 14:55

There are quite a few people on the thread that have implied it strange that a male should or be expected to by sanpro.

It isn't strange that a man would have PIV sex with a women, nor is it strange that a man would perform oral sex on a women, or get oral sex from a woman, sometimes perhaps have anal sex with a women, therefore coating himself in all manner of her bodily fluids..yet he can't buy her sanitary protection or in some minds it is strange for him to do so.

Hmm
Chippednailvarnish · 06/01/2014 14:57

Happy to buy = Man
Unhappy to buy = Boy

Ledkr · 06/01/2014 15:08

In am recovering from major gynae surgery at the moment.
I needed pads yesterday and had the choice of dh and three adult ds or a two yr old girl to go to the shops for some.
It didn't even occur to me that any of the males would not get them for me.

dobedobedo · 06/01/2014 15:15

Can I just say, my 8 year old son has bought them for me before. AND he knows what they're for. He couldn't give less of a damn. I think he sees them the same as loo roll or underwear or tissues.

SanityClause · 06/01/2014 15:32

We were in a smallish place in Greece a few years ago, and you could only get tampons from a pharmacy (although pads were available in the small supermarket).

So, DH picked some tampons up for me. Obviously, we didn't know what brand would be available, so he had to discuss what they had with the assistant in the shop. Apparently she seemed a bit surprised that he would be buying them.

He also has no problem discussing requirements with DD1, and has bought pads for her, as well.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 06/01/2014 16:25

Chippednailpolish - I think your statement at 14:57 has been proved to be wrong with several posters stating they know of "boys" who were willing, and did, buy sanitary products.

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