to think a grown man should be able to buy sanitary towels?

[JingleJemJem]

My DH won't buy them for me. So even though he does our weekly shop if I need any I have to go out and buy them separately. He says it's embarrassing looking 'in that aisle'.

Today I'm suffering with a heavy period and cramps and need more towels but I can't be bothered having the discussion with him to try and get him to buy me some as I know he won't, so I'm going to have to go out and get them myself.

Do other men behave this immaturely when it comes to 'women's things'? Or is it just mine? If there was a male equivalent I wouldn't think twice about buying it for him!

I know this thread has done it all to death, but his attitude is pathetic.

I'm a bloke and I think I first bought tampons at age 14(ish?) for a schoolfriend. It's not a big deal and the shop assistant really does not give a sh*t.

I've also bought (in no particular order): family packs of worming pills, nipple shields and asked the lady in the M&S lingerie section for the largest available panties (C-section).

None of this matches going to the GPs to ask them to check for varicose veins in my scrotum, which involved first a lady doctor that I had never seen before (who asked if it was OK if she removed her gloves to get a better feel) and the then the consultant and did I mind if his student had a feel as well to help with his training? Yeah, what the hell, feel free!

yes, i am comparing the two! the fact is that BOTH situations are natural and normal and generally what one would expect from a partner (we're not talking about some random stranger you meet). Everybody has their hangups and issues and the point is that you're supposed to respect each others feelings - but maybe that isn't how it works for some women

the fact is that OP has known this about her dp from the beginning, so if it is such a big deal - why is she with him?!!!!

i think some of you are determined to see men as always guilty/in the wrong and deliberately ignore ones own responsibility in the whole debacle.

If he were to refuse to buy them in a situation where OP physically could not do it herself, i.e in hospital/in bed with a broken leg etc THEN i would say he was being a twat for not putting his embarassment aside and helping her out. If women want to be treated equally then they need to give it as well - not just pontificate about it.

I don't agree with gigglestar. When I was a teen and well into my early 20's the cramps I had were severe and at some times i couldn't even stand up straight. (Upside was that I never got any PMT.)

If DP were out and about, or even shopping, I would have expected him him to have got my san-pro, and not made me make a special trip, which in my case would have been virtually impossible.

Buying a product from a supermarket is in no way comparable to nakedness.

YANBU to think a grown man should be able to buy sanitary towels.

My husband has zero embarrassment about buying this kind of thing, his attitude is 'women have periods, what's the big deal?'.

i don't mind anyone disagreeing with me, my point is: if you know your partner does not like/will not buy them - then why not do the sensible and responsible thing by ensuring that you either always keep some in the house in case you get caught short or stock up beforehand?

It is not always possible to ensure you have stuff to hand, there could be all sorts of reasons why you need someone to buy the stuff for you.

of course it's possible, by now you know you have a period every month/how long it lasts/when it starts (or roughly near as) and what the flow is like during its time. Plus generally ones period does not end with the last pad in the packet. it's very easy to recognize when you need to buy some more. Plus there is internet ordering if you seriously don't have any time at all during the whole month to pop into the shop/supermarket. i think it's ridiculous to pass this responsibility onto someone who has made it very clear from the beginning that they are embarassed to do it.

personally, i think it's a silly thing to be embarrassed about but i can understand it - and i think the OP is being unreasonable.

Because, you know, these thing happen from time to time gigglestar. Women have periods for up to 40 years, you know. Plenty of time to get caught short a couple of times.

When my husband has a blinding headache, he could probably go the shops and get his own paracetamol. He's not dying.

But I go for him. Because that's what normal couples do.

But what is there to be embarrassed about? A man buying sanpro probably lives with a woman/girl between the ages of 10 and 50. He may well be in a relationship with her. He does minor errands for her. She is not currently pregnant. I don't see how any of that is embarrassing, and I don't know what else could be extrapolated.

Well that is so ridulous and irrational it might actually be a phobia, perhaps?

If so then maybe I wouldn't be so harsh in him. Just buy in bulk next time you buy some.

giggle

Seriously, what should the op do if she had a dd? Would she also be unreasonable to expect him to go and get something his child needs? Should she just need ever go away in case she starts while she dare go on a hen night or abroad with her friend or away on business?

It's pathetic. It's part of a normal shop and he should be able to put it in the basket.

It's nothing like getting naked ffs. What a ridiculous analogy. No ones exposed. No ones being ridiculed for their feelings about wobbly bits. She merely expects a grown man to act like a grown man.

People do have irrational phobias of all sorts and I don't think harassing and shaming them about them is helpful. It is a very unusual thing to worry about, which is why I'm inclined to think it is more a phobia than a 'choice'.

I don't buy it's a phobia. I'm
Aware people do have strange fears , cotton wool for one. But a childhood trauma of having to stand in the San pro aisle with his mum? I doubt it some how.

Not unless it was infested with bugs, flooded, populated by clowns, rabid dogs or sea gulls.

Even if he was somehow teased about being seen next to a trolly containing it at school, twenty years later that really shouldn't be an issue. I was around then, I don't recall any news reports of badly beaten teens in a pharmacy

He's clearly just never matured. I don't think I've heard of anyone ever being scared of a blue packet. And in seven years of having children and all the trips to boots for calpol, inhalers etc I have never ever ever seen people running and screaming from the feminine hygiene products.

The chances of this being an actual phobia are pretty slim. I can't believe you suggested it tbh. Not given how some people struggle their whole lives with their phobias and the limitations they bring.

Really late to the party but

Women have periods, and they have babies. That's what makes the world go round. It's not a shameful secret - we don't have to slope off to the woods to hide for 5 days when we are bleeding. Get fucking over it.

(I'm probably about the hundredth person to say this I know )

If this was a phobia, then presumably the OP would have also told us that her DH can't bear to ever set eyes upon the evil articles and how she must therefore keep them shut away at all times ?!

No - I don't buy it's a phobia either. And while I can totally understand that someone who (obviously) never buys sanpro for himself might need clear instructions re: brand and type, the issue here isn't about confusion but about an unjustifiable, refusal to perform a simple task for your partner.

Hell - if he's that embarrassed, he can hide the stuff under a pile of papers, bananas, kitchen roll, dog food or whatever - and then, he can put his shopping through the self service till so no other mortal clocks - shock horror - that he, personally (who a till worker wouldn't know from Adam anyway) has bought "ladies things".

Sorry - I just don't buy why he's like this. Whether his OH is "capable" or not, of physically getting to the shops, what sense does it make to have two of them making two separate trips to the shops when one of them is already there - and it would add no more than 10 seconds to his trip ?

.... and as for "she should have stocked up" - Jesus wept. Of course no woman ever has an unexpectedly heavy period does she, or an irregular period that arrives with a vengeance just ten days after your last one finished.

He's pathetic.

Giggle - yes the OP will know she has a period every month and will need some sanpro, but her husband does the weekly shopping and seeing as the sanpro is available in the supermarket it makes sense for him to get it whilst doing the weekly shopping. The OP should not need to make a separate trip just to buy sanpro.

Most people also know they shit/piss every day but doesn't stop them running out of toilet roll occasionally.

Also Giggle, if this was his daughter who needed assistance with her periods, would you also say it's OK he's embarrassed and the daughter should deal with such things on her own (or via the mum)?

Yes Jean, that could be a disaster: poor young girl unexpectedly starts her first period and it's very heavy (as mine was back in the day) so she's bleeding through her clothes, mam's away, and dad's too immature to go and get her anything.... Great.

That actually happened to me as a teen RaRa. Mum away, came on period. Dad wouldnt buy any as he didnt know which ones to get (even when I told him) and I couldnt find Mum's stash so had to use toilet tissue for a few days. I was raw by the time she got home.

I dont buy the phobia thing. Its laziness and/or embarrassment. But its 'wimmins' stuff so ok apparently.

Would the OP's husband be able to order them on line?

Do the rest of the shop in the supermarket and pay delivery charges just for one small bag of tampons/sanitary towels? Why?

Yes, I think he should be able to BUT I don't see why you'd ever run out? It's such a regular thing. I would get irritated with 'ongoing emergencies' for the same thing again and again, there's really no such thing.

When you start a period for the first time, how many girls have the wherewithal in their bag anyway? I remember nipping to the loo, wad of paper, sorted till I got home.

lying I sometimes run OU! It's not a big deal. Not all periods are regular, sometimes I have a couple of packets in, especially if they are on special offer. Then if I start and I'm working and sleeping at work, I'll take a big handful to put in my locker and lose count. Before I know it I have forgotten to replace and my period is on again.

When DH is doing the big shop he starts writing his list from the bathroom. Nd goes through the cupboard and checks that we have enough bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, gel, moisturiser tampons before moving on to the loo to check for toilet roll , toilet duck etc.

A male buying San pro is not weird.

I missed the bit about 'ongoing emergencies'. But surely everyone runs out of stuff from time to time - milk, beans, bread, tampons - forgets to buy them even though they were in the supermarket. And this man does the weekly shop.

Lying - do you never run out of anything in your household ever?

As for his daughter (if they have one), just give her a small make-up bag with the essentials (tampons/sanitary towel/new knickers) that she can keep in her school bag and top up from the supplies at home.

"by now you know you have a period every month/how long it lasts/when it starts (or roughly near as) and what the flow is like during its time"

Actually not everyone does know those things. And even if they do, if you know you are running low and your partner happens to be doing a large shop at the supermarket how on earth does it make any sense for you to go out separately to buy sanpro?