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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a grown man should be able to buy sanitary towels?

276 replies

JingleJemJem · 05/01/2014 09:48

My DH won't buy them for me. So even though he does our weekly shop if I need any I have to go out and buy them separately. He says it's embarrassing looking 'in that aisle'.

Today I'm suffering with a heavy period and cramps and need more towels but I can't be bothered having the discussion with him to try and get him to buy me some as I know he won't, so I'm going to have to go out and get them myself.

Do other men behave this immaturely when it comes to 'women's things'? Or is it just mine? If there was a male equivalent I wouldn't think twice about buying it for him!

OP posts:
HyvaPaiva · 05/01/2014 14:38

I read the OP to my DP. His response was 'What kind of team is that? When one's suffering, the other one's pathetic?'

YANBU.

Either me or my DP buy sanitary products with the other shopping the same way either of us buy toilet roll. It's an absorbent material like any other. Your DH's issue because it's 'women's business' is a moot point. You have children together, so his participation in sex and reproduction are fine but periods aren't? It makes no sense.

The worst bit, though, is that when you're suffering he's refusing to help you. That's so wrong.

GoldenGytha · 05/01/2014 14:46

My dad was exactly the same,

My mother gave me serious trouble when I left a pack of sanitary pads on my bed, in a paper bag (that's what they used to put them in)

She was yelling "That's a cardinal sin, Golden, what if your dad had walked in and seen them on your bed!!"

She was deadly serious too.

SauceForTheGander · 05/01/2014 14:48

DH absolutely would buy my tampons for me. He prides himself on remembering which ones. Periods aren't unclean .... We don't have to hide away anymore.

He makes me get the condoms though. He thinks the naice till ladies will judge him. For what I ask him - having sex with your wife - you doofus you're 42!

The till ladies look at me with my 3 screaming DCs and I feel like they understand why I've chosen extra safe.

Though I recently stocked up in Boots and was buying enough tampons for a year and condoms and I felt a bit awkward watching the 18 year old male cashier pack my bags up. He didn't give a toss.

BearsBeetsBattlestarGalactica · 05/01/2014 14:50

My STBXH was like OP's DH. I could not even utter the word 'period' in front of him. The whole thing 'disguste' him and he would actually get angry at any mention or hint of it Hmm

Sometimes I can't believe I put up with it for so long.

I use a mooncup now but I juat asked the bf if he would buy some for me if I requested it 'Yeah, probably, why?' so I told him about the thread 'That's ridiculous. What is there to be ashamed of? What a twat'.

I am now aware that he is in the majority whereas before I thought most blokes acted like my ex.

Norudeshitrequired · 05/01/2014 14:51

President it's probably a good thing that you havent had any children because during childbirth other people will actually physically witness blood and gory stuff coming from your vagina, which is much more personal than somebody buying sanpro on your behalf. All grown men are aware that women have periods and need to use sanpro, in much the same way as all grown men know that women need to have a shit now and then and use toilet paper to wipe their backside. If my husband was doing the shopping I would expect him to get toilet paper and sanpro if they were needed.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 05/01/2014 15:03

Make him look at this

Mitchell2 · 05/01/2014 15:42

YANBU - my DH doesn't bat an eyelid if I need him to pick up stuff like that.

Scribblegirl · 05/01/2014 15:44

Boyfriend has picked up tampons for me before, I google image searched for a picture of the box I wanted him to pick up and sent it to his iphone :) I do wonder what everyone would have been thinking about the bloke prowling the aisles, picking up boxes, comparing to his phone and putting them back down again...

He does refuse to buy me cigarettes because he doesn't approve, but I don't think that's quite the same...

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 05/01/2014 15:48

He is being a twat. If he can't see that is immaturity is causing you a problem I suggest you demonstrate it.

Takingbackmonday · 05/01/2014 15:53

This reminds me of an ex I had when I was young.

He asked a shop assistant for help - she asked if he wanted 8 or 16 or 32 - and he said I think 8 please, my girlfriend is quite small!

Bless.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 05/01/2014 16:00

Lol at 8 as my girlfriend small.

ineedanexcuse · 05/01/2014 16:14

I bet he thinks its 'Dirty' and by touching the packet it makes him 'unclean'.

You really need to have words with this twat dinosaur.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/01/2014 16:17

Mine was always happy to buy me my Tampons as long as I wrote down specifically which ones I needed - I'm pregnant now though so he is buying me panty liners instead Smile If he does mind he has never said.

mrspremise · 05/01/2014 16:32

Does he think that the other people will think he's buying them for himself or something? FFS... Angry On the other hand, maybe theres a reason he's being so unreasonable he's having his period Grin

ZillionChocolate · 05/01/2014 16:35

No point being mean to President, the only person her preference inconveniences is her.

I think my DH would find buying tampons as embarrassing as bog roll, but as confusing as shampoo. With instructions, he'd be fine. I tend to stock up on things only I will use, as it's easier for me to make decisions. I might have struggled to buy him beer when we hadn't been together long because I don't drink it, but it doesn't take long to learn this stuff.

CaptainHammer · 05/01/2014 16:39

I do the shop and buy them but DH would have no problem buying them, especially if I was in pain and didn't want to go out, he isn't embarrassed by anything!

RaRa1988 · 05/01/2014 16:56

YANBU - but you're making me think I am very lucky with DP who will happily go out and buy me thrush cream/pessaries, is fascinated by the weird and wonderful things that are happening to me during pg, and doesn't at all mind boiling my mooncup and packaging it away after use.

Pipbin · 05/01/2014 17:35

I did have an ex who would hide my bras when doing the washing at the launderette.

jenwa · 05/01/2014 17:37

My DH would buy them but not keen I the idea of it. He would if I asked him though. He did when I was I hosp after DD1 and I needed more and he actually asked the woman in the chemist which sort.
I had to get some the other day and the lady in the chemist asked if I wanted a little bag but I just couldn't be bothered and was putting them straight in my baby bag anyway. Can't be bothered now with what people think anymore :-)

jenwa · 05/01/2014 17:39

I do remember being younger and buying tampons in a shop and a male friend was with me and I was being discreet just picking them up and not making a big deal and he realised what I picked up and shouted "urghhh draculas teabags"!! Blush. I did laugh afterwards.

maddy68 · 05/01/2014 17:39

My dh always buys them for me. He does the shopping in fact my son has been known to buy them for me and his sister. What's the big deal?

FryOneFatManic · 05/01/2014 17:42

I do most of the shopping so have always ensured I have a supply of san-pro, out of habit actually.

However, I know DP would not bat an eyelid at being asked to get some, although I would need to give a precise description, or a pic to his phone. Fine, not a problem.

He's also been involved in the growing up talks we had with DD, and joined with me in helping her to adjust to having periods when she started nearly 2 years ago.

As far as he is concerned, he wanted DD to know that if I were not available to help at any time (especially during her first few periods) then she could and should go to him for help. Because "that's what parents do" as he put it. He absolutely did not want DD feeling distressed and unable to ask for help.

It is not a personal, private thing in our house, just a fact of life.

thisismyYuleTimenickname · 05/01/2014 17:47

I'm glad there are so many out there who think periods are something natural and not something to be ashamed over. I wish all girls could grow up with that attitude around them.

AlyssInAManger · 05/01/2014 17:52

DP would buy them but feel a little uncomfortable. He used to be really shy about intimate things but I've encouraged him and I have needed him to help me as I have been very ill recently. Yesterday he even offered to wipe me after I went to the loo because I was on a drip and was struggling to reach efficiently.

Vidaloca · 05/01/2014 18:00

My DH would buy them and have - completely unembarrassed and frank discussion with my completely unembarrassed 14 year old dd.

The diminishing numbers of people who feel embarrassed to acknowledge the existence of menstruation is something to be celebrated in modern life IMO.

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