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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get the rage at thin-ist comments?

287 replies

BasicFish · 03/01/2014 23:26

Am I??

Seriously, just over the last few days, I've seen so many comments slating thin women and it's starting to piss me off. I would never dream of making sizeist comments, firstly because I don't think being a certain size (or not) makes you attractive.

But a brief list of the thin-ist comments I've come across this week.

"Most men don't go for size 8s"
"It would be like shagging a folding deckchair"
"some skinny little cow"
if he wants you to lose that much weight and be that slim, he must be gay"

etc..

If anyone tried to same the same about, say, size 18s they'd be slaughtered and rightly so. So why is it ok to pick on women who are slim? Not "anorexic" (unless they really are of course, which is a completely different issue), women who are just naturally slim and small. Why? WHHHYYY??

OP posts:
LondonNinja · 04/01/2014 21:08

All the references to so-called 'real' women wind me right up. They're always used to denigrate smaller women. All women are REAL.

kaumana · 04/01/2014 21:25

I'd like a "like"button for Ninja's post.

kaumana · 04/01/2014 21:33

..and Angus. Well said.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2014 21:40

DancingLady .... Yes she has a right to be angry about thinnist comments, but can she appreciate that the sentiment behind them is likely jealousy? Also, surely it'd be better to nip those comments in the bud and respond immediately rather than stew on them? If people make a comment about your size, call them on it.

An insult is an insult no matter what the 'sentiment' behind it is...if it hurts then it hurts.

Not everyone (as you can plainly see all over MN) has the personality/confidence that enables them to simply 'call someone' about their comments.

Hopefully this thread will make a few people think before making sneery, derisive comments about other people's bodies.

Belize · 04/01/2014 21:50

I am slim and definitely not beautiful not even pretty so I certainly am not fishing for compliments Dancing Hmm.

AngelaDaviesHair · 04/01/2014 21:51

I'm afraid that if you choose to arbitrarily Rate pain/offence in this debate, then in my book that makes you complicit

prolific poster Angela

Crikey. Not just wrong, but prolific. The shame.

Sesquipedality · 04/01/2014 21:52

worra like it. A lot.

Sesquipedality · 04/01/2014 21:53

angela yup.

AngelaDaviesHair · 04/01/2014 21:53

arf.

Sesquipedality · 04/01/2014 22:05

angela sorry no issues with the prolific side of things. You post a lot, but a lot of things well said and impressive. true spirit of Mumsnet etc. Just this debate I challenge you on!

Original poster
BasicFish · 04/01/2014 22:08

Goldenbear

"I remain a size 14 post DC" "That's not to say people should be derogatory of a slim woman but I can't say I've ever heard this in real life."

If you were a size 8, you'd be much, much more aware of it. As a previous poster pointed out to me, there are a lot of "fat-ist" comments that I might not pick up on as they aren't personal to me.

And how can size and body shape not be genetic? If your body isn't determined by genes, then what the heck is? I'm genuinely confused.
Me, my mum, my grandma and great grandma are all the same shape and size and appearance. Is that just a flipping fluke?

OP posts:
Original poster
BasicFish · 04/01/2014 22:10

Angus and Worra
Awesome posts, thank you Thanks

OP posts:
kaumana · 04/01/2014 22:18

I'm 5'7 my mum was 4'10, dad 5'11, my DS(15) is 6ft.

AngelaDaviesHair · 04/01/2014 22:21

Fair enough Sesq. I have been a bystander to thin-ist abuse of my sister, but not really experienced the other side whether as victim or bystander, I appreciate that I may not be getting it quite.

DancingLady · 04/01/2014 23:27

Sesq - wasn't aware I was directing my comments at someone with a life-threatening eating disorder... Or are you, once again, taking my words and setting them in a context that suits your argument?

Ah yes. That's it.

Original poster
BasicFish · 04/01/2014 23:50

Ok, daily fail sidebar of shame, the "story" is Olivia Palermo sunbathing with her boyfriend. I've c&pd some of the more delightful reader's comments.

I now understand why a lot of these "celebs" have the bodies of 12 yr old boys...many of them have body types that hold weight in the middle and in order to keep that area small, the rest of them must dwindle. She's very, very, very thin

Seriously get a padded bikini top. No one likes a flat chest

When you have no b**bs, who cares if you're topless

i don't see the fuss about her bathing topless? she has got nothing to show but two mozzie bites on an ant hill

No idea who she is but she needs to eat more

Fucking shameful, isn't it.
Here's a non DM link to a picture of her

Olivia Palermo

OP posts:
Sesquipedality · 05/01/2014 00:42

dancing you're beyond help. You haven't a clue who you're directing your comments at - that's clear for all to see. That's the POINT.

I weep for you and woman, no human, kind. If we're all like you were doomed.

you seem to feel its far better to stick to your guns through thick and thin than ever think outside your box. Kindness, compassion and logic would get you a long way if only you'd let them.

EricNorthmansFangbanger · 05/01/2014 00:51

YANBU.

I'm a fat person. I don't think anybody should make comments about how anybody else looks, fat or thin. I'm not in denial about my weight, I know I need to lose some. I just do not understand why people think they have the right to make anyone feel bad. People should leave other people be and not be so rude to make uninvited comments on appearance.

I have a friend who is naturally slim. Sometimes she posts some quite negative things on Facebook about fat people. She shared a link to an article entitled 'real women aren't curvy'. The comments she and others posted on that link were quite venomous about fat people. She has always been nice to me and is a nice person, but her actions above have made me feel a bit wary of her.

Goldenbear · 05/01/2014 01:29

When I said 'remain' I meant that I haven't been able to return to pre-DC size 10. When I was 20 I lost so much weight that the university contacted my Mother to collect me and help me, so I do understand about how it feels to be very thin and only ever received positive attention, except from my family who were concerned and wanted to help me in their own way by highlighting how thin I had become. Weight doesn't matter to me like it did then but I've never heard these thinnest comments in RL. Indeed, I honestly don't know any naturally thin women and I live in one of the 'healthiest' places in Britain- according to the media. I know thin people of course but they all have to work at being that way.

My Mother is tiny- 5ft and a very small scale. My Dad is 6ft but was thin for most of his life. Yes genes must influence things but like I said the research carried out I think by UCL found that 'naturally thin' was only about 5% of the population maybe less I can't remember.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 05/01/2014 01:41

sorry, why do people assume thin-ist comments are motivated by jealousy. not everyone wants to be thin? anyway, it's best to avoid commenting on a person's weight altogether, imo.

DameDoom · 05/01/2014 02:57

I had always been a healthy size 10 who ate properly but carefully - everything in moderation but blow outs allowed - all in all, a sensible eater. About two years ago I had a really bad UTI which has affected my appetite badly. How can that be?
Anyway, ever since then I can say that I only eat to stay alive and take no pleasure now from food. I hate it. I have lost so much weight and it is a struggle to keep at 7 stone. I have facial fillers etc. which don't look odd ( if you are 9 stone) but am in the lollipop, unnaturally thin category.
It's taken a real toll on my self-esteem but I have been both congratulated and sneered at simultaneously for my abstinence and control.
I do not have the lithe, long-limbed figure of a race horse; am naturally a 5'7 pit ponyish kind. I would love to be able to really enjoy a meal out.

DameDoom · 05/01/2014 03:04

I had my Christmas dinner on a bleedin' saucer and couldn't finish that. Joyful Sad

MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 03:13

I always got bullied when I was younger for being too thin. It's bloody ridiculous.
Skinnies have feelings too Sad .

DocHudson · 05/01/2014 03:17

I hate the "real women" crap. I gained 20lb in my pregnancy and lost it all within days of giving birth to a normal healthy baby. It just happened that way, with no effort or concern on my part. And yet I recently read a daft bit in the DM about some celeb who was back in her skinnies within a few weeks and all the comments were along the lines of "she should be more interested in her baby than her looks, clearly been spending every minute in the gym...". And other times you'll see pics of some celeb with a mummy tummy and everyone piles in to say "now there's a proper mother" - all so patronising and insulting.

Of course, we all know what's behind it. Jealousy. Because most women would rather be too thin than too fat.

DameDoom · 05/01/2014 03:39

Doc if you are a natural thinny then that is the way you are and no one should sneer. I was slim enough for my body shape and look horrendous as thin as I am now. I am grateful that my husband doesn't judge me for it though.
Everyone should be happy in the skin they're in... at the minute mine is just covering a skeleton. I look like a stretched pair of cheap tights over a fork.

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