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AIBU?

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Original poster

to get the rage at thin-ist comments?

287 replies

BasicFish · 03/01/2014 23:26

Am I??

Seriously, just over the last few days, I've seen so many comments slating thin women and it's starting to piss me off. I would never dream of making sizeist comments, firstly because I don't think being a certain size (or not) makes you attractive.

But a brief list of the thin-ist comments I've come across this week.

"Most men don't go for size 8s"
"It would be like shagging a folding deckchair"
"some skinny little cow"
if he wants you to lose that much weight and be that slim, he must be gay"

etc..

If anyone tried to same the same about, say, size 18s they'd be slaughtered and rightly so. So why is it ok to pick on women who are slim? Not "anorexic" (unless they really are of course, which is a completely different issue), women who are just naturally slim and small. Why? WHHHYYY??

OP posts:
revivingsnowshower · 04/01/2014 09:53

mrsdavidbowie is this because you are the supermodel Iman? You don't look 53 but then David Bowie doesn't look 66.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 04/01/2014 09:54

YANBU cant stand comments about "real women" "real men like curves" all that shit.

I'm not "skinny" anymore at a size 12-14 but 9 years ago when I first met my DP I was a size 8 and had to deal with shitty comments from his mate's then girlfriend. She was maybe a dress size bigger than I currently am so she wasn't big herself. She called me amongst other things:

a bag of bones (I wasn't)
anorexic
skinny bitch
Jordan wannabe (she was convinced my boobs werent real. they bloody were/are!)

I got so tired of it once I called her a massive bitch. She took it to mean I was calling her fat (the massive wasn't actually in relation to her size but her being massively bitchy) and responded with "typical response from a smug skinny cow like you!" AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

Even before meeting that deeply unpleasant girl I would never and have never made comments on peoples' size like that, big or small. I might think to myself "oh god that person is painfully thin" or whatever but would never ever say it out loud.

Tryharder · 04/01/2014 10:01

I have to disagree.

Thin women are envied, admired and treated well. Fat women are scorned and derided. You only have to read the article in the DM recently about the complaint written to an airline from someone who had been sat next to a fat person to see that.

It must be sooo haaaaard being 5'8" and size 8 after all Wink

Tailtwister · 04/01/2014 10:04

YANBU, it's horrible to comment in a negative way about someone's appearance no matter if they are overweight or slim.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/01/2014 10:04

So because you think they are envied, admired etc, you think it's ok to stick the boot in?

Surely not.

BrownPaint · 04/01/2014 10:10

I've also been told "just because you're slim, doesn't mean you don't have high high cholesterol." I would never make a comment to anyone else about their size/health...

I find that the people I only see occasionally are the ones who tell me that I don't eat...people that I'm with all the time know I eat normally so never ever comment...sometime they say they're surprised I eat so much and still stay slim....my BMI is 21 which is NORMAL.

moominleigh94 · 04/01/2014 10:20

Sizeism of any kind is awful but I disagree that it's "unacceptable" to be sizeist to a bigger woman. It's still seen as very much acceptable.

I eat so much fruit people don't believe it - at uni, when everyone else goes off to the canteen and gets chips, my lunch is generally a chicken and lettuce wrap, a packet of crisps twice a week, a fruit bag (usually apples) and some cherry tomatoes. Any snacks? I bring apples in.

It's the same at home - after dinner, I have melon or peaches or yoghurt. I don't have breakfast, I don't eat cakes, I'm not even that big on chocolate anymore - I'll have it twice a week, if that. I swim four times a week and walked everywhere until recently when pregnancy has started taking its toll on my hips and back, making it very difficult to walk to and from uni as well as doing a full day there. I did a half marathon two years ago and a 5k race last year.

I'm a size 16, and people still think it's fine to tell me to put down the cake and eat a salad. Salad is all I like Grin Grin Grin

oh and McDonalds chicken nuggets, but that's a pregnancy craving don't judge me

Chippednailvarnish · 04/01/2014 10:25

I'm not particularly thin, I'm a size 10. I've noticed that the "thin" comments have become more common as levels of obesity have increased.

It seems the bigger the general population gets, the smaller the models in fashion magazines get, but the more common phrases like "curvy" and "womanly" appear.

It's like society is in some huge denial about the fact a lot of people are fat and the way the media portrays this is to present unobtainable images whilst trying to normalise weight issues.

And don't start me on the NHS weighing children in schools program. The amount of people who claim that their children aren't overweight even though their BMI's are well above the average and choose to belittle what they are being told astounds me. After all it's not in anyone's interests to allow a clearly overweight child to go unchecked, so why not embrace the help on offer?

30SecondsToMarsBars · 04/01/2014 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

revivingsnowshower · 04/01/2014 10:43

Wow just looked it up out of interest and Iman is actually 58 picture of mrsdb

Preciousbane · 04/01/2014 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mistermakersgloopyglue · 04/01/2014 10:50

I would also question why it is only really acceptable to be 'naturally slim' and if you are very slim you have to qualify that by saying 'oh but I eat whatever I want and do hardly any excercise'.

Humans are designed to be slim because they are designed to do a hell of a lot of excercise and only eat what their body needs. However if someone says 'I am a size 8 because I work really hard in the gym several times a week and I really take care to watch what I eat' then they would be deemed by many to have an unhealthy attitude towards food and excercise, and that life is too short to worry about these things or some such bollocks.

MrsDavidBowie · 04/01/2014 11:00

Grin revivingsnowshower

If only......she is 5 foot 10 though so I am even taller!
One comment I get from total strangers is "is your husband tall?"
He isn't actually..about 5 feet 10. (that's small to me!)
He stood on a small wall in our wedding photos.

Sesquipedality · 04/01/2014 11:02

Yanbu. The depressing thing for me is that some women (so many?) seem to feel so free to attack each other. Why put others down to make yourself feel better? Whichever way it falls. Yes this is compounded by the media and fashion industry etc, but too many of us help them along the way in our day to day conversations.

probably naively I just wish we could all do our bit to push/coax people to help everyone feel comfortable in their own skins, to be healthy and happy. To shun the notion of one perfect ideal and celebrate the fab diversity of the human race. To reduce the monstrous rise in eating disorders. And don't get me started on cosmetic surgery and vaginas...

Thanks OP for starting this thread. This is NOT a popular or easy subject to raise but it is relevant to all women, not just slim ones. And on a personal level It's nice to feel I'm not alone.

revivingsnowshower · 04/01/2014 11:28

Oh bad luck on not really being Iman mrsdavidbowie I wish I were her too! Oh well.
I am short and overweight and i guess i may have made the odd jealous comment to slim friends, not really mean, but joking, but really not thinking they would not be so happy to be slim it wouldn't bother them. But my dd is naturally slim (and tall) and i can see this sort of thing would really upset her.

Usernamegone · 04/01/2014 12:34

I used to be about 8st for years, and my mother was 7st/7.5st all her life. She would have looked at bit like Twiggy in the sixties. She never dieted. When I put on weight I was a relief not to get nasty comments about weight/food on a daily basis. It is upsetting to get nasty comments about you weight regardless whether you are big or small. People have feelings regardless of how much they weigh.

People need to realise we all have different body shapes and sizes which are normal for them.

Ev1lEdna · 04/01/2014 12:50

Negative and nasty comments about people's appearance regardless of whether it is about skin colour/size/height/hair colour are NEVER ok and are always hurtful. There is no excuse whatsoever for any of them.

Especially irritating is the 'I'm just concerned about their health ...' Mind your business, keep your comments to yourself and really don't worry yourself with the health of anyone other than your family. Oh and when worrying about your family, negative comments don't make them feel better and want to change for you.

Bodypopper · 04/01/2014 12:53

My mother taught me that personal remarks are rude.

So don't be rude!

ppeatfruit · 04/01/2014 12:57

sesquipadelity YYYY I agree totally. IMO it's just that some people are bullies and or thoughtless; (sometimes it's because they have parents who bully and criticise them) they continue to live in a strange critical world even after school where such vile behaviour is tolerated by some.

Belize · 04/01/2014 12:59

I'm 'naturally' slim at 7 st 5lbs and 5 ft 3 " but would dearly love to weigh about a stone more. I've been like this for 30 odd years though so seems unlikely now.

I've had lots of horrible comments levelled at me over the years and it is very upsetting. Those people aren't 'jealous' they are just spiteful Hmm.

To the poster who said that it's easy if you are slim to put on weight, that ain't necessarily so! I'm naturally slim because I have a very small appetite and so I just cannot eat lots of food as I feel full very quickly and to overeat makes me feel sick and awful. I never eat after even feeling mildly full as I hate the feeling.

I'm very rarely ill though and have a good amount of energy so it is obviously just my natural state as it were Smile.

AngelaDaviesHair · 04/01/2014 13:01

Fat women get contempt. Thin women get jealousy. Both are bad, but let's all be honest here, contempt is far worse.

And the most depressing thing is seeing women kicking lumps out of each other for their appearance rather than wising up and refusing to play the game.

It is so awful to see the debate framed in terms of 'what men like'. First off, there is no single thing that all men like. Second, who cares? Choose your own look, find a bloke who likes it (just as you like his) and stick two fingers up to anyone who slates your appearance, bearing in mind always that your health is your responsibility and that when you choose a lifestyle you have to accept whatever the consequences of that lifestyle may be without complaint.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo · 04/01/2014 13:07

A lass on FB moans about her weight a lot and says she is dieting and will be a size 8 soon enough.

Well yesterday she started saying "wouldn't dare be a size 6-8, starving yourself to look like that. Rather be bigger and curvy"

I pointed out I'm a size 6 and curvy. No starving myself necessary. Someone else popped up and asked her why she was on slimming pills and why yesterday she was adamant she wanted to be a size 8.

I can only think of envy as the reason she started that. She dies the same about people in relationships. She will moan she wants to be in one then puts people down who are in one.

I get a lot of comments on my size. I'm 4 foot 11.5 and a size 6. People think its ok to comment. People in shoe stores even comment on the size of my feet

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2014 13:10

Fat women get contempt. Thin women get jealousy. Both are bad, but let's all be honest here, contempt is far worse.

Yes but it's how the contempt/jealousy is shown isn't it?

Insults are insults no matter what the 'reason' behind them.

AngelaDaviesHair · 04/01/2014 13:13

I don't know about that Worra.

I've never been thin but am the sibling of a beautiful thin woman who got vicious jealousy when we were growing up. It still wasn't as wounding as the stuff thrown at overweight women I know, not least because there were a lot of compliments to balance it out.

WooWooOwl · 04/01/2014 13:19

I don't think it is a clear issue between jealousy and contempt.

It doesn't feel like contempt when you are thin and hear comments like men only like curves or you aren't a 'real' woman, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean.

An insult is an insult and feeling offended is feeling offended, it doesn't make any difference where the motivation for the insult comes from. It lands in the same way.

It also pisses me off when thin people get comments that are not intended as insults but that assume that slim people are only slim because of luck. It's not always luck, usually it's because of effort to exercise and constant effort to watch what you eat. It doesn't come naturally to everyone that is slim, and while people that make effort with their weight aren't deserving of any special praise or admiration, they also don't deserve to have their work and effort to be reduced to just luck.