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AIBU?

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Original poster

to get the rage at thin-ist comments?

287 replies

BasicFish · 03/01/2014 23:26

Am I??

Seriously, just over the last few days, I've seen so many comments slating thin women and it's starting to piss me off. I would never dream of making sizeist comments, firstly because I don't think being a certain size (or not) makes you attractive.

But a brief list of the thin-ist comments I've come across this week.

"Most men don't go for size 8s"
"It would be like shagging a folding deckchair"
"some skinny little cow"
if he wants you to lose that much weight and be that slim, he must be gay"

etc..

If anyone tried to same the same about, say, size 18s they'd be slaughtered and rightly so. So why is it ok to pick on women who are slim? Not "anorexic" (unless they really are of course, which is a completely different issue), women who are just naturally slim and small. Why? WHHHYYY??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/01/2014 13:24

AngelaDaviesHair I get what you're saying but I think when someone has had enough shit thrown at them (fat or thin) it knocks their confidence...often to the point where they don't necessarily believe compliments are genuine anyway.

docket · 04/01/2014 13:27

Yanbu. I think commenting on weight, whatever the weight, is just plain rude. And I think that people have got funny ideas about what 'too thin' is these days. I am very often called 'skinny' and have been asked by a few people 'if I eat?'. I'm 5ft 7 and a size 10. On the slimmer end of the scale yes, but not 'skinny'.

It certainly feels contemptuous and even if it is induced by jealousy, that's no excuse!

EdieSedgwick · 04/01/2014 13:30

YANBU I have heard all of the above comments about my thinness. All from females.

Happydaze77 · 04/01/2014 13:31

YANBU, I agree that it's equally rude to criticise someone for being fat or thin.
What really winds me up though is the idea that thin people are inherently mean and unhappy whereas if you are 'curvy' then you are so much more fun and a nicer person. WTF?!

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/01/2014 13:33

Agree with docket, it is bullying whether its motivated by jealousy or contempt-

There's a world of difference between "you've got a great figure" and "you're a bag of bones/where are your tits etc" - the latter really is not intended as a compliment.

When you are on the receiving end of this - I get "you're teeny" a lot there's really nothing much you can say either because the bully then gets offended, "just saying"...

MyMILisfromHELL · 04/01/2014 13:36

Yanbu. I've had people tell me I'm too skinny, boney, anorexic, I obviously just don't eat, I'm a cokehead, there's nothing of me, etc for most of my life.

I'm 5ft11 & pre dc I was a size 8, sometimes 10, depending on fit/make. I'm now a size 10-12 but bfing my 20mo so my boobs are a weird size & my hips have widened a bit from childbirth.

Dh says I have a gorgeous body (I beg to differ) but I wonder if it's just jealousy that I've had nasty comments off female relatives & a few friends over the years?

Lyonesse · 04/01/2014 13:41

I think the whole 'men prefer curves' thing is similar to the 'men prefer the natural look' thing. Curves in this context means something akin to Kelly Brook's figure - an hourglass-y figure, rather than just chubbiness. Similarly, 'the natural look' usually means 'makeup still applied but just in a different way' - I doubt it includes dark circles, spots, etc.
So I would be wary of saying 'a curvy body is the most desirable' - I think a ^certain kind^ of 'curvy' figure is desirable, and women who fall short of that ideal - on both sides - are mockced/belittled/treated with contempt. Same with makeup - too much, and you're a 'slag', 'jordan wannabe', etc, too little, and you're 'frumpy', 'don't take any pride in your appearance', 'slummy' etc.
(I used the word 'curvy' too many times in this and now it's stopped looking like a proper word Hmm)

Happydaze77 · 04/01/2014 13:45

Well put Lyonesse Agreed.

WitchWay · 04/01/2014 13:47

I think as the population gets fatter, us slim folk are looking slimmer than we used to, in proportion to the rest.

I've had comments like "ooh, you're really skinny - I bet you don't eat a thing". I'm size 8-10 with a proper waist, small boobs & a really curvy J-Lo style bottom. I eat more than most women I know, including all manner of stodge, & take regular exercise. My shape & weight have been the same for thirty years, since my teens.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/01/2014 13:49

But the whole ideal/most desirable body thing is a load of crap and I find it hard to believe grown women buy into the concept.

Some men fancy Kelly brook. So what? We should all look like Kelly brook? Er no.

AngelaDaviesHair · 04/01/2014 13:49

it is bullying whether its motivated by jealousy or contempt

I'm not saying otherwise. Misogyny is the common thread here, I agree. Nor am I minimising how hurtful any of this abuse is.

LaGuardia · 04/01/2014 13:51

Stealth boast I am soooo skinny after all that Christmas food but you lot are all off to fat club

CaptainSweatPants · 04/01/2014 13:51

I've lost 4 stone since last Easter
I get comments all the time 'when will you stop' err never it's a lifestyle change , ' eating salad again' hate it when people comment on what I eat when we go out etc etc
I'm hoping as people get used to it they'll stop

ppeatfruit · 04/01/2014 14:02

AngelaDavies IMO it's not misogny because bullying is done by women and men towards men and women it's like picking on redheads it' s juvenile and stupid but not just women hating.

charitygirl · 04/01/2014 14:03

Please read the article posted upthread (unless you're just interested in a pity party). I've fixed the link.

jezebel.com/thin-women-ive-got-your-back-could-you-get-mine-1173888442

Fat bodies are not 'accepted' at the expense of thin bodies. Skinny shaming is not due to fat acceptance.

RaRa1988 · 04/01/2014 14:09

Not sure why being slim/thin/size 8/exercising a lot would mean 'it would be like shagging a folding deckchair' - slim women CAN have curves; I know I do. I'm still in size 8 (non-maternity!) jeans with plenty room to spare at 4-5 months pg, so I'm definitely slim, but I've always (even when a stone lighter) had boobs and a bum. I'm a 30E pg, a 30D-DD not pg, and my hips at 11 inches wider than my waist. I wouldn't say I'm lacking in curves.

IamInvisible · 04/01/2014 14:19

I've had thinnest comments all my life. I even got told by my GP the other day that my legs are "unnaturally skinny!"Hmm

I did take it up with one woman, who was obese, who kept telling me I needed to eat a good meal, or I would snap in the wind. I asked her if I commented on her weight all the time, how she'd feel. She said she'd be hurt and wouldn't like it, so I said exactly. She didn't do it again.

brettgirl2 · 04/01/2014 14:21

I think witchway is right.

I am 5'10" and a size 12. I regularly get called 'skinny' Shock despite having a bmi of 24-ish! Its just because I'm slimmer than them, in fact I could do with dropping half a stone Hmm

SugarHut · 04/01/2014 14:22

Good for you CaptainSweatPants. People are knocking you because you are living proof of what can be achieved if you have a little determination and want to do something for yourself. With you stood right in front of them, achieving what they (silently) would love to do, they have no excuses. So they put you down. Go onnnnn, have a biscuit, you little food hitler.... Tell them to fuck off. And be proud of what you have done, and tell them you'll get as thin/big/skinny/fat as YOU like....they are our bodies, and no one elses damn business :)

boodles · 04/01/2014 14:22

Why are other women so bloody obsessed by what other women eat and the size of their clothes. Why do skinny women feel like they have to say that they 'eat like a horse' for it to be ok to be skinny?

Be what the fuck you want to be. It is your body. We all have different priorities. I may put time into the gym/watching what I eat, my choice, other people can do whatever they bloody want. None of my business.

Everyone, keep your eyes on yourself.

Lyonesse · 04/01/2014 14:25

I'm not saying Kelly Brook does have the ideal figure - I'm saying she is often touted as such (along with others) by tv shows/magazines, etc (not sure why - afaik there was never a nationwide survey to find the most desirable body type), and thus many people think her body type is 'the ideal', when in reality, everyone has their own idea of what that would be.
Of course the ideal figure is a load of crap, and good for you if you don't buy into that, but a lot of people (including me, at times) do buy into it - the constant barrage of 'your body is not good enough', whether it's too thin, too fat, too whatever, is hard to ignore. And it's often easier to attack other women than to attack the way in which we are played off against each other.

Bodypopper · 04/01/2014 14:31

Yep agree boodles I couldn't give a shiny shite how other men or women look.

So bloody boring. Amazes me why people care and as for commenting well that's extremely bad mannered and rude.

tuggle · 04/01/2014 14:40

I agree that it appears to be accepted to slate slim women.

Some truly cannot help being slim. It is in their genes.

I was very slim up until my early 20's. As a child I was often called skinny by my dm's friends and family members. It upset me and dm never picked them up about it.

In my late teens a few 'friends' who I have since dropped made hurtful comments;

"Men do not like skinny women" I actually believed this one!
"That coat is drowning you"
"You do not have a shape" Up until today I avoid wearing certain styles as I do not feel I have the 'J Lo/Beyonce' figure for it.

I felt better once I went up to a size 12 from an 8-10.

Funnily those 'friends' went on to spend years on dietsthat did not work. I was too stupid to see they were jealous that I was naturally slim.

JingleJoo · 04/01/2014 14:45

I've been thin (size 8-10, 9 stone at 5`11") not a pick on me!) and verging on fat (size 14/16, 12.5 stone).

I was much happier with my weight when thin then am now at 12.5stone. If people made comments about me being skinny i would put it down to jealousy/envy and ignore it, although I would have preferred some bigger boobs. Luckily I've never been called fat to my face, but I would be mortified, and feel much worse about myself now, body-image-wise.

Being ridiculed for your body size is horrible for anyone, but IMO I agree that there is a big difference between the envy towards thin people and the contempt towards fat people.

It is almost like the difference between someone (e.g. in the UK) making a racist comment about a white person, as opposed to someone being racist about an ethic minority person. Both are inexcusable, but because of historical and cultural reasons, one has more of an impact than the other. Iyswim.

ppeatfruit · 04/01/2014 14:50

boodles YYYY I've recently lost 3 stone and am now a loose vanity size 10 I follow quite a 'special' way of eating for health and weight loss. I don't take any notice of other people and just take my own food to dinner parties etc. because i don't want to upset other people's arrangements. But it's funny how many people think it's fine to comment positively or (usually) negatively. Even though they are very unhealthy and I'm not!

As you say "mind your own business" .