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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To have used the disabled loo today :(

335 replies

peking · 02/01/2014 19:57

An embarrassing moment.

Was in our public library when suddenly overcome with an urgent need to go (Crohn's - thought it was under control but I guess Christmas has messed things up).

There were two toilets - one disabled which also held the only nappy-changing facility there, and one toilet on its own. The single toilet was engaged so I dashed into the disabled. I took some time as I felt really shaky and couldn't stand up for a few minutes.

About halfway through I could hear a toddler crying on the other side and the father trying to placate him as he needed his nappy changed. The toddler probably had to wait about 5 mins.

When I finally got out the father shouted after me "you're out of order, you're not even disabled!"

How mortifying. I just had to ignore him but felt awful for the toddler. As many MN'ers have probably come across people taking up the disabled/nappy-changing facilities before, AIBU?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/01/2014 20:08

If you need it than you have to use it! What a Rude ignorant fecker the dad is. Good example he is setting.

Coldleftoversforme · 02/01/2014 20:09

Maybe people should wear a badge stating what disability they have to not cause confusion ? ...

CaptainTripps · 02/01/2014 20:09

I just find this really hard to believe.

If it is true then of course he is completely out of order. But I find it hard to believe that someone (ie the random stranger) would be that ignorant!

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 20:10

Captain, I am sure there ate idiots out there

whatareyoueventalkingabout · 02/01/2014 20:10

I would just like to add my two pennies worth and say that as the mother of a toddler, there is a good chance that the tears weren't nappy related. they cry about all kinds of things that aren't really actual problems. mine cried today because I turned the light on and then cried when I turned it off

Caitlin17 · 02/01/2014 20:10

Firstly you are for these purposes disabled.

Secondly I will use it if there's no one else in sight as I know (and there has been a thread on this subject) that I really am an in and out in seconds type of gal.

mrsjay · 02/01/2014 20:11

YA SO NU, you have an illness you need to get to the toilet being disabled does not mean using a wheelchair I hope you are ok now bowel problems are just awful I sympathise the dad was an entitled arse he could have changed his toddler in the other toilet

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 02/01/2014 20:11

Would he have been so rude had it been another parent changing a baby who made him wait?

Yanbu.

ShitOnAStick · 02/01/2014 20:11

He was being rude and judgemental. If the option was to use the empty disabled toilet or go in your pants then obviously you use the toilet.

everydayaschoolday · 02/01/2014 20:12

I think that the disabled toilets that require a radar key are for exclusive use of people with a disability. OP, I'd recommend you get one.

mrsjay · 02/01/2014 20:12

Random strangers can be the most ignorant captain especially where disability is concerned

tracypenisbeaker · 02/01/2014 20:13

Sympathies, OP. Disabilites arent always glaringly obvious. I was cleaning the disabled toilet at work and someone on the other side yelled 'Excuse me, are you even disabled?' So i opened the door and said 'I actually work here, and am taking two seconds to clean this toilet. What would you have said if I was in fact a disabled customer?' She muttered an apology and walked away. She probably had seen me walk in, sans wheelchair or whatever, but then if that is how she assessed level of disability then she too wouldnt have been eligible to use it either as she 'appeared' able-bodied. :S

Original poster
peking · 02/01/2014 20:13

Oh it really happened!

I just felt awful because I could hear the crying and I felt guilty for being in there in the first place. As sod's law would have it, of course the other single toilet was vacant once I was done.

So he must have thought I'd been a cheeky fecker and just wanted the extra space, or something Confused

I don't know, you're lucky if you've never been shouted at by a random stranger but it seems to happen to me quite regularly for various reasons!

OP posts:
CrohnicallySick · 02/01/2014 20:13

Oh- and I do wish places would stop putting baby change facilities in the disabled loo in the first place. I always feel so guilty when I'm changing DD in case there's someone waiting who really needs to go. I like the 'family rooms' some places have now, or failing that just a room with a flat surface and a sink will do.

CaptainTripps · 02/01/2014 20:16

Well what an ignorant utter git. I would have told him so in no uncertain terms.

I apologise for doubting the story.

tinselkitty · 02/01/2014 20:16

I think this shows how lots of people have massive misconceptions about what disabled is.

People assume (especially when it comes to disabled facilities) that disabled means you have very obvious mobility issues.

I have a friend who was shouted at (by and able bodied person) for using the disabled seats on the train in case 'someone who might need it' got on. She pulled up her trouser leg to show her false leg!

People can be twats. Best to try and ignore, unless you wouldn't be too embarrassed to give him a detailed explanation of why you needed to use the loo straight away!

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 20:16

A disabled loo isn't for the sole use of disabled people anyway, its simply adapted so that disabled users find it easier.

...is what I would have said to him whilst effing and jeffing under my breath

Groovee · 02/01/2014 20:16

Crohns isn't something you can see. He was extremely judgmental and should have waiting his turn.

I have bowel issues and if I need to go I need to go. If anyone shouted at me for it, I'd tell them to walk in my shoes.

everydayaschoolday · 02/01/2014 20:16

To finish my last post…because you are clearly entitled to one and I think you should Flowers for being unjustly shouted at today.

mrsjay · 02/01/2014 20:17

TBF disabled toilets were there first they just put baby changing in a lot of them which is fair enough , some parents are just entitled buggers

mrsjay · 02/01/2014 20:19

I have a disability i sit at the front of buses i get tutted at all the time usually by people older than me I just brazen it out and let them talk about me,

Sunnymeg · 02/01/2014 20:20

I would imagine that Croens disease would entitle you to a radar Key. I have one as following chemotherapy a few years back I have limited sensation in that area and often have to rush to the loo. I once had an incident whereby someone challenged me about using the disabled toilet and I showed them my Radar Key and they apologised.

MrsSteptoe · 02/01/2014 20:20

I'm just very relieved to see that I'm not the only one who sees disabled loos as being loos that are equipped to accommodate the needs of those who are disabled, rather than loos exclusively for the use of the disabled. I wouldn't use one to change clothes and apply make-up because I'd want to be out in as little time as possible precisely because the disabled depend on that particular facility; but I don't consider myself barred from it!

TheFabulousIdiot · 02/01/2014 20:21

YANBU, he sounds like a twat. He could have changed the baby anywhere.

WilsonFrickett · 02/01/2014 20:21

FFS I'm really sorry that happened op. what a twonk.