To have used the disabled loo today :(

[peking]

An embarrassing moment.

Was in our public library when suddenly overcome with an urgent need to go (Crohn's - thought it was under control but I guess Christmas has messed things up).

There were two toilets - one disabled which also held the only nappy-changing facility there, and one toilet on its own. The single toilet was engaged so I dashed into the disabled. I took some time as I felt really shaky and couldn't stand up for a few minutes.

About halfway through I could hear a toddler crying on the other side and the father trying to placate him as he needed his nappy changed. The toddler probably had to wait about 5 mins.

When I finally got out the father shouted after me "you're out of order, you're not even disabled!"

How mortifying. I just had to ignore him but felt awful for the toddler. As many MN'ers have probably come across people taking up the disabled/nappy-changing facilities before, AIBU?

[pigletmania]

If someone has an urgen need to use a toilet, than you have to, what can you do. Even non disabled people can have a sudden attack of the runs

[jubiolympics]

My dad has a radar key, he doesnt actually look disabled but he had his bladder removed due to cancer, he needs to use disabled facilities to change bags etc which requires space and a sink in the cubicle to clean himself up. To see him walking in and out though no one would know. Technically he is not 'disabled physically' but does need special toilet facilities.

[RandyRudolf]

Ok, so you're in a busy shopping centre and you need the toilet. You join a very long queue, your shit is imminent. The disabled loo is vacant. Do you shit your pants because you're not disabled and therefore shouldn't use it or do you do the sensible thing and use it.

[pigletmania]

Randy of course you use the disabled loo in that situation

[Weegiemum]

I've had comments about using disabled loos and parking in a disabled space (though I have a blue badge and am on high rate mobility). I don't always look disabled, as I don't always need a walking aid, but at different times in my treatment cycle I need a stick, crutches and sometimes a wheelchair.

Toilet comments have been mainly from parents waiting for changing facilities - once I was accused of using it because I was fat! I am overweight and on steroids. Exercising is very hard for me because of my disability. Actually I used it because I have a permanent neurological disorder that means I have very poor balance and small cubicles mean I sometimes have to move backwards and I can't do that.

Parking comments tend to be from older people. I don't use my blue badge unless I need it.

Sadly, there is sometimes very little tolerance for invisibly disability, and a tendency to sneer at those who claim a genuine disability. You can't see that the nerves in my back are permanently damaged, or that my feet and hands are permanently numb, or that I fall instantly in the dark as I can't control my body if I can't actually see it with my eyes.

YWNBU, OP. You needed it.

[Ledkr]

What a dick that Man was, I hope you left him a particularly smelly loo to change his impatient toddler.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Most healthy people can hold themselves for a few minutes and not shit themselves IME.

[tracypenisbeaker]

Buying a radar key when you dont need one- tut tut!

[CrohnicallySick]

Oh yes piglet, I wouldn't begrudge anyone using a disabled toilet if they were unwell and genuinely needed the toilet/to be sick right now.

However, it's annoying that some people use the toilets because they are there. If I just need a wee then I queue for the regular toilet, because I can. I only use the disabled toilet when I have no choice, because what if my choosing to use the disabled toilet meant someone else had an accident? Or how would I feel if I ended up having an accident due to someone else thoughtlessly using the disabled toilet and there was a queue for the regular? Treat others how you wish to be treated and all that.

[IamInvisible]

I agree with Candy, the vast majority of healthy people can hold on for a few minutes with out having an accident. If it was locked you wouldn't be able to use it.

[funnymummy2931]

Don't feel bad the pain and constant. Battle with this disease (I have UC) is enough to put up with.

Hope you feel better soon.
BTW there is a great fb page for fellow IBD that has loads of support and information x

[CrohnicallySick]

And yes, there is a difference between a healthy person needing a poo urgently, and a person with Crohn's needing a poo urgently.

Like I said earlier, I can be literally paralysed with the need to go, my muscles go into some sort of spasm and I am unable to move. It's horrible knowing that if you don't get to the toilet you're going to shit yourself, but you can't move because moving means you'll shit yourself. And yes, it can come on that suddenly. I have been eating breakfast perfectly happily, thought 'oh, I need the loo' and by the time I have taken 2 steps the pain and spasms have hit.

[Marissam21]

You are not being unreasonable I have crohns and when you need to go there's moving you can do about it totally sympathise with you you should have told him to shut up just because bits disabled doesn't mean it can't be used by a non disabled person plus crohns is a disability even although it's not visible I hate when people automatically assume there is nothing wrong with you just because they can't see it

Hope it's settles back down for you mines is a nightmare just now :( xx

[CrohnicallySick]

So when I said earlier about if someone genuinely needed the toilet, I meant if they have morning sickness or have come down with a bug or eaten something that disagrees with them, that sort of urgent need, rather than just really needing a poo.

[Marissam21]

Not moving I meant nothing stupid iPhone lol x

[SpikeyTree]

I think some people would do well to remember 'there but for the grace of God go I'. (Insert deity of choice).

[IamInvisible]

So do I, Spikey.

[rockybalboa]

Do disabled people have a massive tattoo on their forehead saying 'disabled'? I think not. What a rude man.

[Catsize]

You were entitled to use it. I have a blue badge and get funny looks sometimes when not in my wheelchair. He was out of order.

[FudgefaceMcZ]

Crohns is a disability, you shouldn't be embarrassed, just say "I have crohns disease you stupid little fucker" if it ever happens again.

[moominleigh94]

I've been glared at for using disabled toilets in shops before. People assume that because you're young and can walk, you obviously don't need them. If I could be bothered I'd regale them with the tale of how part of my bowel has been removed and the rest of it is stuck together by bands of tissue which make going to the toilet time-consuming, painful, embarrassing and, did I mention painful?

I'm sure if I mentioned that, they'd probably agree that I have reason to use them. But I'll let them keep thinking I don't need to use them. Glares I can handle, but if anyone tells me I shouldn't be using them I may take the opportunity to educate them on bowel disorders. Public education never did anyone any harm

Sorry it's something I feel quite strongly about as it is so embarrassing. OP, YWDNBU!!!

[CrohnicallySick]

Actually, I just remembered a conversation I had with some colleagues. At our workplace, there are 2 sets of toilets. One is really obvious and is an accessible toilet. The other (non accessible) is much less easy to find, tucked away in a corner and you have to leave the main building to get to it.

A new person started and used the disabled loo a couple of times. It was commented on, and I said 'maybe she is disabled'. Everyone else laughed and said 'don't you think we'd have noticed by now?'

To which I pointed out that she might have had a colostomy bag, or a false leg, or a bowel problem.

[JugglingIntoANewYear]

I was once told off by a mother with a disabled child when I came out of a disabled loo - but it was an unfamiliar place and the only one I could find - the regular toilets were somewhere else. I do think she was rather angry given the situation of a 2 minute wait for her child to use a toilet, but understand there could be many reasons for this.

Perhaps though after 2 DC I have a weak bladder, and I may have some attention deficit tendencies too, which might make it harder to find the other toilets and less likely that I would look for them, given an apparently reasonable option to hand.

Basically I think it's very true that not all disabilities are immediately visible, and it's a bit of a grey area whether "disabled" toilets are exclusively for those with additional needs or simply accessible to all

Will be interested to see what you all make of my post, and to read the thread as a whole

[Bahhhhhumbug]

My teenage DGD gets this all the time. She has Cystic Fibrosis which although known mainly as a lung disease has just as much detrimental effect on the digestive system. She too doesn't get too much warning when she has to 'go' and often has 'bad tummies'.

But she has the audacity to outwardly look and act like a normal lively loud confidentcocky teenager. Never goes down well when she goes into or comes out of the disabled loo , headphones in , chewing gum , staring at her phone .

[pigletmania]

Not really candy, sometimes when you have to go you have to go, it can be sudden, virtually touching cloth.