To have used the disabled loo today :(

[peking]

An embarrassing moment.

Was in our public library when suddenly overcome with an urgent need to go (Crohn's - thought it was under control but I guess Christmas has messed things up).

There were two toilets - one disabled which also held the only nappy-changing facility there, and one toilet on its own. The single toilet was engaged so I dashed into the disabled. I took some time as I felt really shaky and couldn't stand up for a few minutes.

About halfway through I could hear a toddler crying on the other side and the father trying to placate him as he needed his nappy changed. The toddler probably had to wait about 5 mins.

When I finally got out the father shouted after me "you're out of order, you're not even disabled!"

How mortifying. I just had to ignore him but felt awful for the toddler. As many MN'ers have probably come across people taking up the disabled/nappy-changing facilities before, AIBU?

[yarn33]

Obviously if other toilets are available you should use them, but I agree with others that they aren't exclusively for the use of disabled people. Just because somebody is disabled/has a young child does that give them an inability to queue? What would they do if another disabled person/young child was already using it?

[MadOldFeminist]

My GP told me that IBS entitled me to a radar key for locked disabled toilets. I didn't believe him, but I applied and got sent one by return, so I would think CD would be exactly the same. I have a friend with a colostomy, and she also has one, on the basis that sometimes she needs a toilet with a sink. He was being a knob :)

[CrohnicallySick]

Yarn33- I don't know about the OP but there's a good chance if I needed to go and all the toilets were occupied, I'd shit my pants. Failing that I would be completely unable to move with the pain and effort of holding it in.

Luckily, that situation hasn't happened yet.

[SpikeyTree]

Actually Yarn, many disabilities do mean that queuing is extremely difficult, as with the OP here.

[puntasticusername]

YANBU, you needed the facility as much as anybody. And no one can assess whether someone else is disabled just from looking at them. Other Dad was undoubtedly frustrated etc, but way out of order to have a go at you.

I once felt similarly desperate when I heard DS1 loudly and luxuriantly fill his nappy in the middle of the supermarket. He'd been a bit unwell, so I knew time was of the essence in getting him changed. I grabbed him and the change bag and sprinted to the change station in the ladies' loo: occupied (by a mum dealing with an utter shitstorm - she was clearly going to be a while). Went to the disabled loo/baby change - also occupied.

I should explain that the whole time, I had a firm hold around the bottom of DS's trouser leg, as the sheer, liquid hell within was making a spirited bid for freedom. And he was objecting to being held horizontally.

By the time the overtly non-disabled gent sauntered casually out of the disabled loo, I was starting to feel distinctly antsy. It was starting to soak through, you see. But I wouldn't have dreamed of saying anything to him.

(DS was ok in the end, though I had to turn his trousers inside out and flush them in the loo before I could even bear to bag them up and take them home).

[WaitMonkey]

YANBU in the slightest. You have a disability. He is a rude ignorant man, not all disability's are visible. Ignore him.

[PenguinsDontEatStollen]

YANBU and the dad was being precious. It is perfectly possible to change a nappy in a normal loo and it was his choice to wait for the nappy table.

[blahe]

I have a radar key for my son who as aspergers. It is not so much that he needs help with his toileting needs but his inability to assess when he needs to go. So when he needs to go he needs to go NOW!!

It has also been useful when he has been on the verge of a meltdown and we needed to get him away from the on-lookers as this gave him the space to chill for a few minutes

[Mushypeasandchipstogo]

YANBU. He was a twat. Incidentally there are no toilets, disabled or otherwise, in our local library.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

YANBU and please do not feel bad for using the toilet. I have 2 close relatives with IBD (one Crohn's and other UC) and when they have to go, they have to go NOW. I'd have told him to fuck right off.

[bigbrick]

Why is the nappy changing in the disabled loo? This seems wrong. The father was very rude. He could have changed the nappy outside of the loo if there was a sink to wash his hands.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

OP..YANBU.

to the other non disabled posters who say they feel free to use them though.

Hope we don't find you in it when my DD has to go or be changed. .she doesn't do waiting and would end up screaming on the floor.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Fair enough if baby change is in there. .but you aren't saying that I think.

[morethanpotatoprints]

He was being an arse and I would have replied that he wasn't disabled.
Ok he had a child but it would have been interesting how he would have reacted to somebody who was obviously disabled.

[IamInvisible]

YANBU OP, Chrons is a legitimate reason for using the disabled toilet.

WRT the point where someone said disabled toilets make it easier for disabled people, that is absolute, categorical bollocks. Disabled toilets enable many disabled people to go to the toilet when they are out. If they weren't there they couldn't use a different one.

[timidviper]

It is very difficult if your reason for using these loos is invisible, such as continence difficulties, etc. I have a friend with MS, disabled enough to have a blue badge, yet she still gets abuse from people who think they can tell otherwise.

Unfortunately some of that unpleasantness has also come from other people with disabilities and, while I can possibly understand their frustration, you would have hoped they might have more understanding than the average person

[mrsjay]

the nappy change is in the disabled loo because it is big enough for a pram and baby and mum which is fair enough really

[mrsjay]

parent*

[RandyRudolf]

As someone has already said up thread they are referred to as accessible toilets rather than disabled. Obviously you wouldn't go in and re-do your hair and makeup and the likes but if you need the toilet and all the others are taken there is no reason not to use them.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I gave a good reason earlier.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I can't believe he was so rude! You absolutely should use that toilet - as should anyone when they really really need to!

[GinSoakedMisery]

I'd class crohns as a disability/condition that requires the use of a disabled toilet. The other bloke was being totally unreasonable.

I have a child with SN, he occasionally needs to use the disabled toilets and we have had abuse a few times. Some people think that disabled toilet = wheelchair so get all huffy when they don't see one.

[SauvignonBlanche]

YWNBU, Crohn's is a disability, the guy was a twat, how does he know who's disabled and who isn't?

[insomniacrisis]

I really don't think you were being unreasonable. I was recently queueing for a loo at a local museum and there was one person in front of me. I am suffering from morning sickness and I knew I was going to throw up pretty soon so I said 'excuse me' to the lady in front of me and went to the empty disabled loo. She said very loudly ' I don't use disabled loos on principal'. Now although I very obviously didn't have a physical disability, I was looking very green and sweating profusely and if I had seen someone in that state I would taken pity on them.
Now obviously morning sickness isn't an actual illness like Crohns but I don't suppose she would have taken it that well if I had been sick all over her. I probably was being unreasonable but I would still do the same thing again.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

We have too..someone said "you won't be changing her nappy ..she is too old to be in one".