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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

612 replies

Primafacie · 02/01/2014 14:49

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

OP posts:

runningonwillpower · 02/01/2014 15:16

There are two sides to this - both of which are interesting.

Parents who allow their children freedom and independence are criticised for doing so despite advice that the 'cotton wool' approach is harmful.

Strangers are reluctant to get involved if they think a child is vulnerable for fear of being seen as interfering. (Or even worse, for fear of being accused of a sinister motive.)

Neither is necessarily wrong.

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 15:17

She left her for a minute - not half an hour.

DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:17

Of course, children can get abducted from anywhere I suppose.

Is it usually from outside their homes?

depankrispaneven · 02/01/2014 15:18

If the security guard couldn't prevent a 5 y old being abducted from under his nose, how is a mother with another child going to be able to?

(1) The security guard isn't there to be an unpaid child minder.
(2) If someone walks up to the child and seizes her confidently by the hand and walks off with her, the guard might well think that s/he is another relative and let it happen.
(3) The security guard's job is security. If he's called away because, say, someone is taken ill or starts a fight, that has to be his priority, not looking after people's children.

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 15:18

Yes, or near to home.

Helltotheno · 02/01/2014 15:18

you overreacted imo. This was an older person showing concern. I would not have had either of my kids on their own outside a store waiting for me at that age but I respect your decision for your own children. I think if you felt confident in your decision, the women's words wouldn't have had the power to bother you. Hurt, humiliated etc is bit ott in my opinion.

CheckpointCharlie · 02/01/2014 15:18

You were very polite and restrained! but I might think she was also a bit right unless you had asked the security guard to keep an eye on your dd

Rindercella · 02/01/2014 15:19

Exactly what BIWI said.

MardyBra · 02/01/2014 15:19

YABU for leaving your child on their own.

YABVU for being so smug.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 02/01/2014 15:19

My son sits on chairs will I pack and pay. I can see him but don't watch him constantly as need to pack and then pay.

I wouldn't have let him stand at the door as he would have wandered off to put trolleys away or something

Changebagsandtinselrags · 02/01/2014 15:20

Blimey, how could you be so irresponsible? An alien craft could have hovered just above you DD and beamed her up. Security guard would have been powerless. She could have faced a life of producing alien babies.

giraffesCantSledge · 02/01/2014 15:20

The biggest threat to children is people known to them.

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 15:21

She left her for a minute - not half an hour

How long does it take for harm to come to a child?

DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:21

Never knew that you

So can I ask then to all the people who think this is o.k., if you saw a small child, unattended and without an adult, just standing there by themselves, would you think it was odd? go and see them and ask if they're lost? speak to a security guard, walk on and ignore etc...?

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 15:21

But that's your child, not OP's.

My dd would have been sensible enough at 4/5 to wait quietly and not wander off, if stood for a minute by a security guard. Some children would create havoc.

2Tinsellytocare · 02/01/2014 15:21

Why does she like to stay by the door?

IamInvisible · 02/01/2014 15:22

She wasn't rude, she was concerned about an unattended child.

PuppyMonkey · 02/01/2014 15:22

Well I think you were very irresponsible to leave your scooters unattended whike you went shopping

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 15:22

If I saw a child stood for a minute, not distressed in anyway, I would wait and watch.

Paedos! Paedos! Everywhere!

Onepostposy · 02/01/2014 15:22

I think it's totally the right of the parent, the OP in this instance, to make a judgement for themselves on what is dangerous.

However where i do disagree is the description of the woman as rude - I think the OP was the rude one. Perhaps rude is an overstatement but curt, abrupt and pompous certainly.

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 15:23

You know over the years I've read various threads on here on this same theme of leaving kids unnattended at petrol stations, supermarket carparks etc. Most of the time the parent can see the child from the queue at the till or from the shopping trolley bay. Clearly it is up to the judgement of the parent but on this occasion as it was a very public and probably crowded place and the OP couldn't see the child I think it was wrong.

DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:24

Ok, so you would wait and watch... this implies to me then that it is not ok for this child to be unattended. Otherwise,if all was fine, you would just go about your business no?

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 02/01/2014 15:25

Will I get a bonus point if I say that on occasion DP has been known to leave DS (6) outside the bookies?

MrsChristmasBungle · 02/01/2014 15:25

Tbh if I saw a 4 yo on their own in a shop I would probably think they were lost and I'd ask them where there mummy or daddy were and ask the security guard.

I don't think the woman was rude to you, you weren't rude to her either. I don't understand why all of this small palaver warrants a well done or a badge personally.

DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:25

Anyway OP, why are you hurt, humiliated, angry and a bit offended?

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