To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

^this^

Agreed bring

Also agree with bring.

The key to assessing the risk is to ask yourself would you be happy if a teacher/other adult in charge of your child did this.

So, if on a school trip, a teacher decided to leave your 4yo in the same place and take the same risk how would you feel when your child told you?

I would be outraged and consider that my child's safety had been put at risk. I would complain to the school at the very least.

So, how could I take the same risk?

Jayne - the difference on a school trip is that the teacher would be watching several children at once as well as the near 5 year old standing a few feet away.

Thetallesttower, In these countries, children start school between 6 and 8, and so the walking to school is seen as a step towards some independence, they also tend to walk in groups to a local school, or at least my husband did

DD would have started school at 5, maybe it's different for forces kids. I do know though that when we lived there there were 5,6 and 7 year olds walking alone to school. My trip to work was always made dodging them!

When I was on Mat Leave my afternoon walk to the shops tended to coincide with their home time - I made 'friends' with a few who would see me and DD every day and stop to coo over her. It did wonders for my Colloquial German

DD would have been much better off if we could have stayed in Cyprus or moved back to Germany. Certainly more 'free' if nothing else. In Cyprus she was always outside, playing, with her friends around her (we came back when she was 4). Here her friends aren't allowed 'out' in the same way, so it's constant 'play dates' and stuck in bedrooms/gardens. I find it sad that they are so restricted, but it won't stop me letting DD have her freedom - the only difference being that here her dog is her fellow 'explorer'

It's strange when posters come on and say pedophiles don't exist when clearly they do - family or strangers.

Did you read what I wrote properly? I have never denied the existence of peadophiles. Given that my younger sister was sexually assaulted when she was 9, I'd have a bloody battle on my hands denying that, wouldn't I?

My point is that it's all good and well to go 'waaah, they're everywhere, no child is safe, look at the figures', when in actual fact the vast majority of sexual attacks on children are from people they already know, who have spent time grooming them and gaining their trust.

It is simply untrue that there are perverts lurking on every corner waiting to abduct small children - that happens very, very rarely.

But you continue to work yourself up into a lather if you like.

MrsD

Didn't you know, there are paedophiles everywhere? If you turn your back for a nano second, your child will be snatched from under your very nose.

mrsdevere

That kind of self righteous, judgy bullshit is exactly the kind of parenting "advice" from strangers that is neither welcome, helpful or needed.

On the other hand a little friendly intervention from kindly folks can make me smile.

I remember once in the supermarket my dd wasn't listening to me & a nice woman gave me a wink & bent down to tell my dd off.
She walked off after squeezing my hand so dd couldn't see.
It was the quietest most well behaved supermarket run I'd had for a while .

I never had any support when my DC's were growing up and I greatly appreciated that woman's gesture.

MrsDV, how could you be so neglectful? It makes me want to PUKE.

:o

MrsDV, a bit different to leaving your 4yo out of sight though?

I'm not getting in to a lather about it?
I'm not hysterical either
I don't think mrsd child would have been stolen either.
I don't think there are ' dem perves' are lurking on every corner.

Lots of MN catch phrases but none apply to me.

But I would not have left my FOUR year old nor any one else's unsupervised by a store door - even if it was M&S - no matter how hard you try to hid it it in between the ' oh lord here come the hysterical pedophile watchers"

The majority of opposing posters expressed concern at young children wandering off,getting bored , getting lost so to go down the histrionics route is a bit of a cope out.

cop out

I was nearly a child snatcher. It was terribly embarrassing. I was in a post-birth daze and had forgotten I'd left the baby at home. I saw a pram like mine and started pushing it out of the shop... luckily the parents caught me before I got too far and believed me that it was a mistake.

In the days befor I had children my friend and I were saturday afternoon shopping on a very busy street.We were at a pedestrian crossing and saw a man in front carrying a little girl (older baby) in his arms with another about 3 or 4 holding his hand.He let go of the older girls hand for a few seconds to adjust his grip of the child he was carrying and a man took hold of the little girl's arm.At that second the lights changed and the man regrasped the child's arm to pull her across the road and the 'would be abductor' let go .My friend and I tried to follow him but it was so busy he just vanished.WE gave a staement to the police .But I have often thought of that dad whose kid was within a hairs breadth of being snatched and he didn't have a clue.

And you tell that story why? What are we supposed to do with it, except quiver in fear? If the only way of stopping our darling children from being abducted by nefarious strangers is to hold their hands constantly (no adjusting your baby, remember - it gives the abductor a chance to strike) and never for a single second take our eyes off them, well we may as well give up. I don't want to live in a world where either I or my children see every adult as a potential abductor. It will limit their lives in ways so much more damaging than the infinitessimal risk of abduction.

cater with dd1 i walked home many a time toofocused on scoffing the pasty I had just bought to remember I had a new born out side the bakery.

Had to do fast walk/ legg it back to shop

Maybe the man had just grabbed the little girl's hand in case she ran out into the road when her Dad let go? Would someone really be trying to abduct your child from right beside you like that? Surely it would be easier to snatch the ones whose parents leave them at the entrance to shopping centres by themselves?

What MrsD said.

I commented ages ago. I'm wondering now though? I know the thread is starting to sleep...but

what would you have do have done previously?

before you studied the 'ways and rules' of MN? :)