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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

612 replies

Primafacie · 02/01/2014 14:49

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:10

You handled it well, so well done there.

But since it's in AIBU, I do believe you were, to leave a 5 year old unattended in a public place and I don't actually disagree with the old lady.

It was not at all unreasonable for her to point this out to the security guard, as my guess is that not many people would leave a child of that age unattended so she was right to draw attention to it.

CoffeeTea103 · 02/01/2014 15:10

Yabu, instead of sounding so pleased with yourself for sounding like trying to score some points here, you should have listened to that woman who seems to have more sense than you.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 02/01/2014 15:10

If the security guard couldn't prevent a 5 y old being abducted from under his nose, how is a mother with another child going to be able to?

TotallyAddictedToLurking · 02/01/2014 15:11

If your child was abducted and the
Woman saw it in the paper and realised that she walked passed her without doing anything she would have had that on her conscience.

I think she did the right thing.

You are both entitled to disagree with each other.

Weller · 02/01/2014 15:11

She may have been over the top but I would rather a person show concern for a child than ignore a child for fear of saying the wrong thing.

DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:11

Unless you could see her at all times?

I sometimes let me kids sit on the seats on the rare occasion I take them to a supermarket, whilst I bag my goods. But I can see them at all times.

giraffesCantSledge · 02/01/2014 15:12

The kids in my street go out to play on their own at that age! What age is "safe" then?

purrforamincepie · 02/01/2014 15:12

Lol at 'irregardless'.

TotallyAddictedToLurking · 02/01/2014 15:12

I do realise how unlikely this is bit it does happen!!

Edendance · 02/01/2014 15:12

You handled it well but I'm afraid I agree with her. Children do get abducted. That's a fact. It's uncommon yes, but it definitely happens... Even in nice middle class areas...

clarinetV2 · 02/01/2014 15:13

Am full of admiration for the OP and the way she has trained her DD. My DD won't stay put for a minute - she had to make her own way back from the sales yesterday as she wasn't in the appointed waiting/meeting place and she had her phone switched off. She's 23...

Contraryish · 02/01/2014 15:13

The risk of abduction is minimal, obviously. The risk of falling over, getting hurt, wandering off, etc. is less so.

And the security guard's job is not childcare. He may have been called away from his station.

Nancy66 · 02/01/2014 15:14

what if the security guard was a paedo?

HavantGuard · 02/01/2014 15:14

Grin Purr, you beat me too it.

How could you OP??? You left your child inside a shop you were in that is itself inside a shopping centre, next to a security guard! You didn't clamp her or anything!

WigWearer · 02/01/2014 15:14

Four year old. Not five.

YABU. The woman was not rude, just (rightly) concerned.

Next time, she won't bother. She'll just mind her own business. Well done you.

DamnBamboo · 02/01/2014 15:14

My 6 year old play on the street, a quiet cul de sac with just a few houses and lots of other children. Heck sometimes my four year old does too, with his older brothers and sisters.

I would not leave either of my younger boys unattended in a shopping centre and I don't believe the two situations are comparable.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 02/01/2014 15:14

parade pissers the lot of you

Madambossyboots · 02/01/2014 15:14

Sorry to tarnish the shine on your newly awarded badge but unless you could see her .... The whole time..... YABU

littleredsquirrel · 02/01/2014 15:14

Giraffes can you see them though?

BIWI · 02/01/2014 15:15

I don't actually see any evidence, from what you have typed, of her being rude though. What I do see is someone who was alarmed by the sight of a 4 year old being left on their own.

HaroldTheGoat · 02/01/2014 15:15

Fuck it you got three badges before the backlash.

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 15:15

Children get abducted - usually from outside their homes on the odd occasion it does happen.

Nancy66 · 02/01/2014 15:16

...anyway, what did you buy?

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 15:16

If the security guard couldn't prevent a 5 y old being abducted from under his nose, how is a mother with another child going to be able to?

The security guard is there to guard the store not as a babysitter. What if the guard had been called away to attend to something instore?

OP, would you still have left your child there if there wasn't a security guard?

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 02/01/2014 15:16

fuck it further FIVE BADGES