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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Idiot daughter has dumped lovely boyfriend

333 replies

Droves · 01/01/2014 17:18

Today of all days FFs.

I'm so annoyed at her . He's lovely , nice family , supportive to her , not a rude bloke , not a waste of space just a nice respectful young man .

She's an idiot . She just wasn't getting enough excitement " he's too boring " ( read he's ran out of money and can't afford to take her out clubbing , as he bought her 6 Xmas gifts ) .

Yesterday , even though he's skint ( student ) he took her to pub for a few hours . She came home drunk , but had no money herself .

She was being vile , playing games , wanting attention . He's just left , I asked him if he's ok , he replied he will be fine , looked really upset .

Thing is daughter is in floods of tears now . Because she didn't expect him just to accept its finished so easy WTAF ? . ( He did say to begin with he didn't want to split up ) .

How did she think it ok to be so horrible ? .
I'm ashamed of her .

I'm worried she will end up with some "exciting" dickhead ( like her father ) .

Poor boyfriend , I am so hurt for him ...he's exactly who you'd wish for a son in law . Some girl will be lucky to have him , my dd is an idiot to do this .

It's heartbreaking ... All the dreams I had for them , gone . All the future grandchildren I'd been looking forward too in the distant future ...gone . Bless him , he was saving to buy her an engagement ring for when she had finished uni . Sad

Where did I go wrong with her ? .

OP posts:
JinglingRexManningDay · 01/01/2014 18:02

The only time you should interfere in your children's relationships is if their is any abuse. She's her own woman not a brood mare.

firesidechat · 01/01/2014 18:02

I've just read your other posts OP. Honestly I think you need to detach somewhat from your daughter's life.

I was a bit like you a few years ago and the best advice I can give is to let go of the dreams you have for her, because they are your dreams and not hers. I had ridiculous fantasies about them marrying one or other of the lovely boys we knew and all being one big family having bbq's with the ils. It wasn't at all healthy and thankfully they are in happy relationships with men who they met on their own with no help from me. Engineering your children's love life is a recipe for disaster.

Droves · 01/01/2014 18:02

Toying with someone's emotions is something to be ashamed of .

She wasn't brought up to be like this .

I feel sorry for them both .

I do like the ( ex) boyfriend . I doubt they will get back together .

OP posts:
ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 01/01/2014 18:03

TBH she deserves to be upset if she dumped him over not going out and then hoped he would beg her to take him back. She needs to grow up!

AmberLeaf · 01/01/2014 18:03

In case anyone missed it.

I know I should leave them to sort it , that's why I'm venting on here
I think dd was just being a brat , that's why she's upset now
And also why I think she's been an idiot

She is staying out of it.

scottishmummy · 01/01/2014 18:04

You're posts are all i droves
This isn't about you
Buy a box set,butt the hell out

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 01/01/2014 18:04

There doesn't need to be a space before punctuation.

StillSeekingSpike · 01/01/2014 18:05

'Toying with someone's emotions is something to be ashamed of '

OMG it IS Mrs Bennett.... Grin

CairoPrapstar · 01/01/2014 18:05

OP I read your post as rant, letting off steam.

You surely realise that you are just upset because your fantasies have been shattered not your DDs or even her boyfriends. From what you have said your DD is just not ready to commit to happily ever after with Mr Perfect, I can't say I blame her if she is still in uni. I can see where she is coming from and I would probably have done the same at her age.

scottishmummy · 01/01/2014 18:06

Out of interest would you have done what you were told when dating her dad?

ALittleStranger · 01/01/2014 18:06

Back off. Who on earth visualises grandchildren for their child who hasn't even finished university. These life lessons will be good for her, she'll meet other people. You'll get the bloody grandchildren in good time.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2014 18:08

She needs to live and learn, and that involves learning the consequences of playing games in an adult relationship.

iMO she shouldnt be crowded at the moment, as she needs time and space to think about things. Sometimes it can smother someone if you give them too much kindness even if well-meaning.

coldwater1 · 01/01/2014 18:09

I had a sensible boyfriend when i was 18 and my mother was upset and called me an idiot when i dumped him. I broke his heart but i finished it when i realised he loved me and i didn't feel the same back, it was just a bit of fun to me. Pissed me right off when all my friends and family kept on and on about how nice he was... He was obsessed and ended up stalking me on nights out, following me and crying! I was sooo embarrassed! I wanted a real man! Lol

Trills · 01/01/2014 18:09

If all she's done is say "I don't want to go out with you any more", that's not vile or playing games, and as has already been said when you are young and have no ties "I don't want to go out with you" is enough of a reason.

AmberLeaf · 01/01/2014 18:09

Your Dd is perhaps 20 or 21? That's too awfully young to get married and have children

Course it is, the OP even said in the distant future, not next week.

It's the manipulative game playing that I think the OP is upset about?

Her DD didn't actually want to not be with the BF anymore, she just wanted to finish with him and have him chase after her.

People are seeing what they want to see here.

EirikurNoromaour · 01/01/2014 18:09

Why would you have dreams of your (20 year old?) daughter having babies and settling down? How about you have dreams of her being a happy, fulfilled and well rounded person and reaching full emotional maturity before she settles down? She's clearly pretty immature. Most teen relationships break down, it's normal. So support her! She seems to have some growing up to do and this is all important life lessons for her.

bigbuttons · 01/01/2014 18:10

Op I was your daughter when I was younger. I hated the safe, lovely BORING boyfriends that my mother thought were lovely. They bored the pants off me and since it was not my mother going out with them it was none of her business and she didn't make it hers either.
Even though I knew she was exasperated by my sometimes cruel behaviour towards them she did just let me make my own decisions.

HavantGuard · 01/01/2014 18:10

I would be glad my DD had broken up with him. First serious boyfriend that she's been with a few years and she is all of 19/20 now? She should be enjoying life. It's not surprising she's acted in an immature way as she's hardly had any experience of relationships!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 01/01/2014 18:11

Trills - the OP clearly said the daughter didn't expect him to accept it so easily so it does read as she wanted him to beg her to change her mind.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/01/2014 18:12

She's still at Uni and you're already dreaming of marriage and grandchildren? Really?

I can understand the sadness that they've split up but you are going too far! Why do you want your dd married off so quickly?

Longtalljosie · 01/01/2014 18:13

I'm worried she will end up with some "exciting" dickhead ( like her father)

Well - actually that's quite likely. I have a couple of friends with poor male role models who've moved from unpleasant bloke to unpleasant bloke and have ended up miserable. Nice, normal men don't float their boat.

If you think her father's having an adverse affect on her ability to form relationships, I'd suggest relationship counselling for her by herself.

Droves · 01/01/2014 18:13

Thing is I haven't told her anything except , if she try's to play with people emotions and heads is cruel and to expect it to backfire everytime. Acting like that just proves you shouldn't even be in a relationship .

She's ok , doesn't really want to talk right now understandably .

OP posts:
Anyfuckerisnotguilty · 01/01/2014 18:14

i honestly think its rather odd to get so upset about this op

perplexedpirate · 01/01/2014 18:14

Is your surname Bennett and does your DD have 4 sisters? Wink

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 01/01/2014 18:16

I'm 28 married and with 2 DC, I still wouldn't want to be in a boring relationship.

Do you really think your daughter should spend the rest of her life in a relationship that's not for her to please you.