Idiot daughter has dumped lovely boyfriend

[Droves]

Today of all days FFs.

I'm so annoyed at her . He's lovely , nice family , supportive to her , not a rude bloke , not a waste of space just a nice respectful young man .

She's an idiot . She just wasn't getting enough excitement " he's too boring " ( read he's ran out of money and can't afford to take her out clubbing , as he bought her 6 Xmas gifts ) .

Yesterday , even though he's skint ( student ) he took her to pub for a few hours . She came home drunk , but had no money herself .

She was being vile , playing games , wanting attention . He's just left , I asked him if he's ok , he replied he will be fine , looked really upset .

Thing is daughter is in floods of tears now . Because she didn't expect him just to accept its finished so easy WTAF ? . ( He did say to begin with he didn't want to split up ) .

How did she think it ok to be so horrible ? .
I'm ashamed of her .

I'm worried she will end up with some "exciting" dickhead ( like her father ) .

Poor boyfriend , I am so hurt for him ...he's exactly who you'd wish for a son in law . Some girl will be lucky to have him , my dd is an idiot to do this .

It's heartbreaking ... All the dreams I had for them , gone . All the future grandchildren I'd been looking forward too in the distant future ...gone . Bless him , he was saving to buy her an engagement ring for when she had finished uni .

Where did I go wrong with her ? .

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it.

Frustrating though it may be.

A lot of projection going on here, I think - he is the kind of man you wish you had married, rather than the dickhead, right?

But it's your daughter's life, and she's only a student, so a bit early to be thinking about engagements and grandchildren. I think you are a bit over-invested in her relationship. Try and stand back a bit - she needs to make her own mistakes.

Perhaps this will be a good thing, despite the hurt and upset. You can talk to her about how childish she has been and what a mature relationship should be like, and that people wont and shouldnt be expected to take shit from you.

She needs to know that only children play games and it is pathetic to do that whole beg me tostay ego boost shit. Its bit her in th e arse and maybe she'll learn something.

shes young. I am sure she will find other, just as nice people but will perhaps behave more maturely.

What degree is she doing, OP? A BA in 'Getting married and providing my mother with longed-for grandchildren'?

Back off. It's none of your business who she dates. And for god's sake, don't pester her to have kids to fulfil some need of yours.

'Idiot daughter' I feel sorry for her tbh.

My Mum and Dad thought the sun shone out of my ex's arse. He was lovely but dabbled in drugs which was a no no for me, so I dumped him.

They went on and on at me about how perfect he was so I shattered their illusions by telling the truth re the drugs. They are v v anti drugs so I never heard another word about him. (well other than some occasional misty eyed 'but he was lovely' )

So you may not know the full truth of the story.....

Maybe he is quite boring.

My word! Read back your OP and have a think.

let her live her life!

Ha, let me guess she is 19. I have sat through countless evenings listening to my sister vaxing lyrical about her dds boyfriends, and the plans she has for their future. She does not realize that young people love and leave and love and leave some more. Eventually they settle for some idiot, (or not) and not necessarily the bloke YOU prefer....

If you did not spot how your ex was a dickhead, how are you so sure this bloke was also not a dickhead?

Well he's single now if you like him that much

Seriously, you need to mind your own on this. No good ever came of meddling in other people's relationships.

When my eldest dd broke up with her first bf, I might well have posted something similar if I'd been on mumsnet. I was upset with her for being such a cow to such a lovely guy - she had treated him appallingly, and I was quite upset that somebody that I had brought up would do that.
I didn't say anything to her, but did feel that she had behaved badly, and felt sorry for him.
She then proceeded to go out with a series of lads that I didn't like much, but realised pretty quickly that yes, it is her life, not mine, and it's hers to do with what she wants. Whether I like it or her behaviour is my problem not hers.
OP - if it's any consolation, she is now back with the lovely guy, who is still lovely. She appreciates him so much more now. :)

Part of growing up is making mistakes. And hopefully learning from them. You can never say for someone else that a decision is a mistake - unless what they're doing is significantly impacting on someone else's well-being.

Hairy , she was acting like a brat . Not Nice behaviour from her , lovely start to the year ...breaking someone's heart . So I call it how I see it .

And I don't think she really wants to finish with him ..she is so shocked and upset now . I think she just wanted to play silly games , but it's backfired on her , so yes I think she's been an idiot .

He was her first proper boyfriend , they've been together a few years . He just fitted in with the family , his family gets on with ours very well .

He's been at ours practically every day of the Xmas holiday .
If she was really unhappy with him , why wait until today to break up ? Badly done , even if it was the right thing for her ( I don't think so , judging by the sound of crying here ) .

Be back in a minute , I'm just going to check she's ok .

You sound very over-invested in her life.

I'm sorry but it sounds absolutely the right time to cut loose, have fun, experiment in all kinds of ways, and find out who she is. Not get engaged to her first boyfriend and merge his family with yours.

She may find that what suits her is totally different.

Yanbu but it's her life and her choice. She has to make her own mistakes

"All the dreams I had for them."

You sound ridiculous. I think this young man has had a lucky escape from the pair of you. There is far more to life than getting married and having babies.

Mabel she usenet ready for a boyfriend like that, like someone has Saudi put great, she needs to learn and to live life first, and he deserves better

Mabey I meant

Sounds like he had a lucky escape...and I don't mean from your daughter.

I was that boy friend, albeit in the 70's

I have two grown up children. If there's one thing I've learnt (the hard way) it's that you can't make their choices for them and that it is best not to interfere in their relationships. These days I don't even comment when they ask me to because it only ends in frustration. I've lost count of the number of heart to hearts we've had and then they do exactly what they want. All you can hope is that they learn from it.

Also, to you he is lovely, but may still not be right for your daughter. You are not her.

You sound a bit unhinged.

I'd be trying to convince any teenage DD of mine that she was too young to settle down!

I'm upset how and why she's done this .

You sound completely stifling OP.

It's her choice. Jesus, how many of us stay with our first proper boyfriend? You just liked the convenience, liked the fact that it felt ok to you.

Take some time to reflect on the fact that your DD is an individual. Then try to support her choices.