To be worried about friend leaving her baby alone/?

[AwfulMaureen]

Go easy...my friend is attending a big family Christmas in a restaurant near to her home....the house is 2 short streets away and she is planning on leaving her DS (10 months) in his cot when it's nap time and taking the monitor with her.

I gently said that I didn't think this a good idea for a variety of reasons....which I don't want to point out here as everyone is aware of them I am sure.

I suggested various alternatives...she was dismissive.

AIBU to think this is not the right thing to do? And AIBU to be worried about the baby?

I think people are right about the risk assessment. a sleeping baby in a cot is not in much danger.

But there is a real.possibility as mentioned by other posters, that if anyone realised she was out without the baby, it would be reported. that is the biggest risk.

that and that it would become a habit.

I hope she keeps you as a friend OP.

Cityofgold - I really hope your child is never blown up at a petrol station but if they were, would you still shrug and say hysterical posters mentioned it?

Bloody hell, some weird people around.

I'm glad you helped sort this out for your friend, OP.

The discussion of risk is very interesting and I wouldn't dismiss the comments about travelling by car out of hand.
Consider this: how many babies come to harm in this country annually while they have been spending an hour (for example), sleeping in their own cot? How many babies come to harm as a result of car accidents?
I've only recently passed my driving test and I do think we dismiss the risks of travelling by car quite easily. As an illustration, I recently read this in a newspaper, about risk: we're scared of terrorists, when we should be scared of cars.

But never in a million years would I leave a baby in a cot while I went out. I got nervous going out to the garden to hang the washing out while mine were asleep! The poster who said (sorry, hard to read back on phone) it's a combination of likelihood and consequence was spot on.

It is a combination of likelihood and consequence. But it is incorrect to suggest that a sensible risk assessment is; v bad consequence but v small likelihood = do not act. I would suggest in this circumstance this is poor risk assessment. I also agree with a poster above who said that the real reason we do not carry out acts like this is because it is no longer a societal norm and we in fact fear judgement from our peers, a very real boogey man.

There is a phrase is there not "Small risk, big consequence" ... Or words to that effect?

So it may be a very small risk that an awful thing would happen but the consequences of an awful thing happening are massive.

See the difference between risk and consequence. Then see the relationship

Your friend is barking. i thought the McCanns were barking too. The McCann incident was the first time I had heard about parenting of this nature and I was censorious then and am censorious now. It is WRONG. It is too dangerous.

Yes which is why, for example, our ill informed media/public can become hysterical about nuclear power. And industry experts who can correctly assess risk, call nuclear safe. Shame really.

Anyone who would leave a baby or a toddler or a small child home alone is neglectful. This genuinely is a case where social services could and should be involved.

I am worried also that there are people (parents?) on this thread who think that this is a reasonable position. Perhaps the law should be based not upon risk assessment, as is currently the case, but upon clear rules and guidelines for the dim-witted and the McCanns amongst us. Say, no leaving children home alone without adult supervision under the age of 6, and then risk assessment giving due consideration to the time left home alone and the maturity of the children involved.

A 10 month old is not going to lie completely still while it sleeps. Mine all used to get legs and/or arms wedged between the bars of the cot at that age, or curl up under the cot bumpers.

There is also a terribly sad story of a blogger who's baby died recently during a nap after turning round and ending up under the blankets in it's sleep at around 9-10 months.

You know, we're at the out-laws for Crimble. My 3 year old DS is upstairs asleep and I wasn't comfortable with the living room door shut as I wouldn't be able to hear him if he woke even though he's perfectly capable of coming down to us if he did!

I find it incomprehensible that anyone would leave a baby / infant / young child alone in their house / hotel room / etc!

There are two sides to this discussion regarding the welfare of the child in question.

The first is the risk argument - what is the chance that something could happen and what would be the consequences? A valid philosophical argument that we all put aside in favour of social convention (the travelling in a car example).

The bringing up of a child, in most of the societies we all come from, is more than keeping that offspring alive until it can fend for itself. It is being responsible for the physical, social, spiritual, mental and emotional welfare of that child, in as far as it is age appropriate to be, given the needs of the child to learn to support itself.

I think that despite the deprivations that go with it, once we become parents we should shoulder the responsibility of that role. I don't like not being able to go out because I have a child whose greater needs are to be at home with suitable supervision. However, if I were a child left with no protector in place, I would not like to feel alone, or fearful, or distressed, or uncomfortable, and without knowing why nobody came or whether the situation would ever be better.

Having said that, I'm not a great believer in disturbing a sleeping baby. I personally have never felt the need to constantly check on my children when they are sleeping. I have always responded quickly to unusual noises or sounds of distress from them and I don't think that leaving a child where there is no realistic chance of responding suitably in a baby friendly timeframe is one which fits with my view of good parenting.

Thank you OP for being the person who watches over this little family. I'm sure with your knowledge and good sense both the mother and child will get the support that is needed. There is nothing wrong with your instinct.

I think the key thing with monitors is you need to see them properly, heart them properly, and be close enough to get to your child within a minute or two.

I used to take mine when dd was asleep into ndn garden in the summer, so ds could play in the pool, it was a video one as well though, do I could see and hear her.

I would worry that the friend thinks this is ok, and that sil sitting for her this time went stop her doing it again.

Agree though, where is the dp in all of this??