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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about friend leaving her baby alone/?

187 replies

AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:15

Go easy...my friend is attending a big family Christmas in a restaurant near to her home....the house is 2 short streets away and she is planning on leaving her DS (10 months) in his cot when it's nap time and taking the monitor with her.

I gently said that I didn't think this a good idea for a variety of reasons....which I don't want to point out here as everyone is aware of them I am sure.

I suggested various alternatives...she was dismissive.

AIBU to think this is not the right thing to do? And AIBU to be worried about the baby?

OP posts:
RodneyTheChristmasElf · 24/12/2013 00:40

Personally I'd tell her straight 'I have been extremely worried about your plans to leave your baby home alone. I'm sorry but if you do this I will report you.' But then I have AS and have the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 24/12/2013 00:40

You knoe even i it wasnt for the safety issue- he says she will go to him as soon as he coughs. Well he's going to move around and snuffle and wimper and cough. She's going to ruin lunch for herself and e very rude by leaving the table and running back two streets to get to him, settle him, get back to realise everyone is on their sweets and her starters has been cleared away. Its ridiculous. She needs to either put him in the buggy and take him or say home.

hippo123 · 24/12/2013 00:41

By the way if I worked in the place she's going, or was a customster there and noticed the baby monitors I would be calling the police there and then. Has your friend considered this? What would she say / do then?

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:42

Salmo she could you know...have PND I mean. She has had a terrible year in many ways...but even before any of the very stressful things ocurred she told me that when she breastfed she has a dreadful feeling of doom Sad which wouldn't go until the feed was over.

She's not right is she. Sad

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 00:44

I think that Rodney's suggestion is good.

It's up front and straightforward.

I feel for you Maureen and for her too - it sounds like something is very wrong here for a paramedic not to be thinking straight like this. Sad

PrincessFlirtyPants · 24/12/2013 00:47

That's is unbelievably irresponsible. I can't believe she is a paramedic, Shock

Leaving her child to go off to lunch with her family is awful. He is 10 months old!

Please try and talk some sense into her. I appreciate she is going through a difficult time, but she could make things A LOT worse for herself.

Sad poor baby

Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 00:47

I don't believe in bandying things around on the Internet but there is a very severe form of PND called Puerperal Psychosis.

I am in no way saying that she has this but she definitely isn't being rational.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 24/12/2013 00:49

Tbh if she suffers from an extreme form.of.PND, then telling her beforehand that you will report her could tip.her over the edge.

If sje does.it,.report. Fine, but dont let her know beforehand.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:50

She's not got that Salmo...isn't that where you halucinate and things?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 24/12/2013 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:50

How do you get through to someone who is not being rational?

OP posts:
JesuslovesmethisIknow · 24/12/2013 00:54

If you are in any doubt about her intention to leave the baby alone. You should call the duty social work team and tell them first thing tomorrow morning (after you have gauged your friends response to your pleading).

Your duty has to be to the baby BEFORE your friend in my opinion.

Sorry you are in this position. xxxx

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:54

Yes it's shit. I love her...she's been my mate for a long time.

OP posts:
JesuslovesmethisIknow · 24/12/2013 00:55

where would she even say to the family the baby IS????

If someone said to me their baby was in a cot two streets away, unattended I would be horrified and would throw a fit!

wellieboots · 24/12/2013 00:55

I didn't want to say that it sounded like a bit of anxiety to me as I thought I might have been overthinking it. I have pn anxiety and one of my big obsessions before I got help was DDs sleep. She must have a serious stress issue with sleep if she is more concerned about him needing his nap than him not being left alone!

Can you talk to the family and check if they are aware of this?

JesuslovesmethisIknow · 24/12/2013 00:57

Im worried about this now too :(

Regardless to what she does, I think she needs some help and would definitely be ringing her health visitor to have a quiet word in addition to the other suggestions.

She cant think this is ok. surely????

HeartShapedBox · 24/12/2013 00:58

I would definitely report someone for that, that's fucking shocking!

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:59

Wellie that could be it....she's VERY hyper anxious about diet and sleep and order...she MUST be in control and if she's not then she's snappy and almost hysterical. I think, if I can disuade her from this, that I will insist she sees the doctor...or the HV about her state of mind. I will tell her...that's what friends are for isn't it? If she won't listen to me and insists on leaving the baby, then I will tell the authorioties.

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:59

Jesus please don't worry. I just needed some support to help me do what's to be done. Sad I will make sure that baby is ok...I promise I will. I love him too you know.

OP posts:
JesuslovesmethisIknow · 24/12/2013 01:01

You will have to tell. She does not seem to have the capacity currently to distinguish the babies REAL needs from her IMPOSED needs.

The baby needs to his nap. yes, but WITH her.

Not without her.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 01:03

I will come back tomorrow as I know some of you will still be thinking about this....please don't think I'm not taking it seriously though...I am and I will update.

OP posts:
JesuslovesmethisIknow · 24/12/2013 01:04

Im just chuffed, she has such a good friend as you.

You are a REAL friend.

JesuslovesmethisIknow · 24/12/2013 01:05

I believe you will do the right thing. yes please come back and update. Will be thinking of you.

SugarHut · 24/12/2013 01:05

This isn't going to happen. And I'll tell you why:

(And I'm ignoring the obvious legalities and mind numbing stupidity here and speaking as if she goes ahead with this gem of an idea)

She's got the monitor, in case he stirs or something. So what exactly is this dickhead planning on doing. Sauntering in, childless, and plonking the monitor on the table next to the wine glass. Even if she hides it in her bag, she will have to have the volume right up, and every customer in there will hear her handbag crying and instantly work out what's going on when she gets up and dashes off.

The child is going to make some noise at least, even if it's a good old cough, in the 2 hours or so she's intending on being there. She will have that child in care by the end of the day if she goes through with this. You say she's not stupid, she knows this is the case. And the family wouldn't stand for it anyway.

I wonder if there is a reason she is voicing such an openly idiotic and dangerous idea to you. Do you think this is her cry of help to you? She deliberately wants you to question her so she can finally open up to someone?

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 01:07

Sugar I honestly don't know. I did wonder what her family will think....but she's a very strong personality and could quite honestly bluster her way out of almost anything...she's extremely charismatic....and a lot of her family are in thrall to her I think....she could be looking for help...or she could just want the baby to nap! Either way, he won't be on his own....I'll see to it.

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