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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about friend leaving her baby alone/?

187 replies

AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:15

Go easy...my friend is attending a big family Christmas in a restaurant near to her home....the house is 2 short streets away and she is planning on leaving her DS (10 months) in his cot when it's nap time and taking the monitor with her.

I gently said that I didn't think this a good idea for a variety of reasons....which I don't want to point out here as everyone is aware of them I am sure.

I suggested various alternatives...she was dismissive.

AIBU to think this is not the right thing to do? And AIBU to be worried about the baby?

OP posts:
lisad123everybodydancenow · 24/12/2013 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wellieboots · 24/12/2013 00:27

I hope this is a windup the more I think about it. if she knows the monitor reaches, does that suggest she has done this beforeShock

Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 00:28

Surely nobody who is thinking straight would do this?

Two streets away you say?

Not that it would matter if it was even two houses away!

Do you think she's okay? Could she be struggling?

MyNameIsKenAdams · 24/12/2013 00:28

If for some reason my baby couldnt leave the house at the invited time, id stay at home with him. Even tea with President of the USA couldnt make me leave my dc home alone.

Are you close to her family?

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 00:29

Why doesn't she just take the baby with her? A 10-month baby would be welcomed like Jesus himself at a family event. After all the cuddles and attention, he'll crash out in his car seat and she can relax.

I don't get this. She's a paramedic??

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 00:30

Ring her family and shop her.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:30

silly I assume because it's Christmas day....not many available?

Now that I know it's not on for sure, my plan is this...I will call her tomorrow and have a very strong word. She's not easy to speak to like this but she obviously needs telling. How do I word it though?

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 24/12/2013 00:30

Awfulmaureen is your friend a single parent? Or does she spend a lot of time alone just her and the baby? I'm not excusing this ridiculous behaviour but it sounds symptomatic of another issue - she sounds lonely. I'm just thinking that if she's sitting in the house, night after night, then she might have convinced herself that the baby would be fine. If the baby hardly stirrs whilst she's sitting in every night then she's probably thinking that she's actually not needed when DS is asleep. It might be tempting to leave him when he's fine every other night and she's lonely and desperate for some adult conversation.

YANBU, but as you said, your friend is intelligent so it's not that she's too stupid to realise the dangers of leaving a baby alone. It must be something else.

wellieboots · 24/12/2013 00:30

if he needs his nap, then he needs to nap in the buggy at the party, or she needs a babysitter, or she doesn't go. I can't believe she's a paramedic, so she's not oblivious to the fact that emergencies happen!!

threestars · 24/12/2013 00:32

Where I used to live, you would have come across around at least 10 households using baby monitors across two streets. I really think the restaurant's too far away to work, plus even if it did there's no way of knowing her monitor will pick up her child's movements or those of another child.
What if there was a fire? She wouldn't hear it over a monitor.
I used to wheel DD into restaurants in her buggy. She'd easily nap - in fact found the background noise of chatting quite comforting.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:32

Salmo she IS struggling. Sad I know she is. She's had a lot of problems.

I am worried about her now....I was anyway but you've all made it worse.

I will offer to babysit if she won't hear of taking him with her...someone in the family should tell her though surely? God. I will need to really tell her tomorrow.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 00:32

OP - if she isn't listening to you then you have to do a difficult thing.

Which is to report her if you know the details of place/time and she goes ahead with this madness Shock

There is no way round that tbh.

tracyandeli · 24/12/2013 00:32

Wow unacceptable! I would rather miss x-mas dinner than leave my 10month old at home alone to nap how selfish to put your child's life at risk anything could happen probably won't but still it's just wrong!Shock

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:33

stars my first fear was a fire....or him choking or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:33

Salmo I spoke to her once but not strongly enough. I will speak strongly tpmorrow....tell her what's what. If she fails to take it on board then I will report.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 00:34

X-post.

Right, so she is having problems.

Can you speak to a family member - I know that would be awful hard to do but could you?

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:34

I know about how easy babies are at family events...mine all came and were basically passed around...I suggested this...she said no.

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:35

Salmo I am afraid the one family member I COULD speak to will be of similar mind to her...and will tell my friend that I went to her....I think that if I can't persueade her not to do it, then it's better to just alert the proper authorities.

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 24/12/2013 00:36

seriously what is she going to do when she get to the restaurant and her family ask where her ds is

oh here he is pulling out the monitor and them all cooing aww great he is sort of here and then carry on with their lunch

if your friend is needing help (why not ask her) and not thinking straight someone there will soon put her straight but really seriously do you think she is either that stupid or desperately in need of help

lovelyredwine · 24/12/2013 00:36

If there was a fire he could die from smoke inhalation before she heard the fire on the monitor. If she does this she is an idiot.

threestars · 24/12/2013 00:36

What a horrible position for you to be in. You obviously care about her and her child. Let her know that you're telling her with love.

Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 00:36

Oh Maureen - a horrible thing for you to have to tackle.

I would hazard a guess that she may have severe PND?

hippo123 · 24/12/2013 00:38

Someone local did this. Went to The pub a few doors down from her house. Wasn't drunk, thought it would be ok, was only out a few hours when she knew her baby would be askeep. Neighbour reported her. Police came to house, 11 month baby found asleep, unharmed in cot. Taken into emergency foster care and is now being adopted. Your friend would probably lose her job if caught also. I would advise contacting her hv and saying how concerned you are. It's quite likely she's done this before or will do it again. Better get her help now than the worse to happen later.

BrianTheMole · 24/12/2013 00:39

What about the rest of her family? Won't they wonder where the baby is? Would they really think thats ok? I would report her if she did that.

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 00:39

Won't her family expect the baby to be there? Or will they ALL think it's ok that he's home alone? Awful to think that the whole family wouldn't want him there. :(