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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about friend leaving her baby alone/?

187 replies

AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 00:15

Go easy...my friend is attending a big family Christmas in a restaurant near to her home....the house is 2 short streets away and she is planning on leaving her DS (10 months) in his cot when it's nap time and taking the monitor with her.

I gently said that I didn't think this a good idea for a variety of reasons....which I don't want to point out here as everyone is aware of them I am sure.

I suggested various alternatives...she was dismissive.

AIBU to think this is not the right thing to do? And AIBU to be worried about the baby?

OP posts:
zippey · 24/12/2013 05:28

Show her the thread?

It's not something I would do but I can see how she may think its ok. The problem is there are so many variables about what may happen with the baby or parent.

I wouldn't spoil my Christmas by babysitting, but this depends on your choice. I would probably keep out of it too, telling SS would spoil your friendship, and telling others would stop her trusting you. It's not the worst thing in the world to do, just a bit irresponsible and risky.

FadBook · 24/12/2013 05:42

Are you close enough to her DP? Or her DM / DF?

I would attempt to contact one of them - explain that you are worried about friend, but also baby given her blasé attitude to leaving him alone.

If it was my best friend / long time friend, I'd know the family so would use that as a way in. Even if you don't know telephone numbers, you could call friend to say you forgot to send Xmas card to her DM etc and you want to call her instead.

Just another way around letting others know your concerns before going to the authorities - I'd struggle with reporting her to them but going to her closest family might be a better option.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 12:15

I've told her SIL. SIL was shocked and has gone straight round there to offer to hold/feed the baby over lunch and has said if my friend doesn't like this idea, she will sit in the house with the baby during the nap whilst my friend sits in the restaurant... She's also promised to speak to her brother (my friend's partner) about this situation in general and to tell him he will need to make sure the HV comes to talk to her about her feeelings....SIL was shocked and told me she'd never have let it happen...she's going to call me later. Thank you all for the help. Flowers

OP posts:
stubbs0412 · 24/12/2013 12:24

You can't seriously need advice for this?
Madeline McCann ????
I cannot believe any adult, parent or otherwise would leave a child alone. No "jolly" is worth it.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 12:26

Stubbs I needed advice yes. And don't play the M card...it's not needed. The more helpful posters who have read the whole thing have been great...you're a bit late to the table there dear.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 24/12/2013 12:27

I'm just worried about the next time she dreams up something irresponsible but doesn't tell you.

SIL needs to have serious words with her brother about the baby's welfare

MildDrPepperAddiction · 24/12/2013 12:28

I would phone the police, friend or not. She might be intelligent as you say but she clearly has little/no common sense. Either she brings baby or gets a sitter.

kungfupannda · 24/12/2013 12:32

Well done, OP.

I'm a criminal lawyer and I once represented a very lovely woman, and devoted mother, who was persuaded by her boyfriend that it would be fine to leave their toddler sleeping in their mobile home on the road outside the house they were visiting. This would probably have been ok, if it hadn't been for the fact that the room they were eating in was at the back of the house, so the mobile home was completely out of view.

Someone heard the child and called the police, and no-one in the house heard them breaking in to the van. Because of this, the child was in care for several days, and the mother was prosecuted.

mrsjay · 24/12/2013 12:32

I have just read your thread i hope your friend gets the help she needs and her sil gets through to her she can't leave her baby alone ever

Salmotrutta · 24/12/2013 12:44

I'm glad you spoke to her SIL Maureen - you are a good friend and I hope she gets the help that she seems to need. Thanks

And to some people - do at least try to read the thread before posting...

mrsjay · 24/12/2013 12:51

Maureen my friend is going through similar with her dd and her baby not leaving her or anything my poor friend is tearing her hair out the dd just doesn't seem to realise the baby is there it is strange but of course there is something else going on,

MurderOfGoths · 24/12/2013 13:04

Thank God she's got you and her SIL! Well done on getting something sorted

bronya · 24/12/2013 13:08

Well done for making sure the baby will be safe with someone on xmas day. I hope your friend gets the help she needs soon. When she's feeling better she'll be horrified that she even thought of leaving her little one like that!

BarbarianMum · 24/12/2013 13:09

Tell her that by the timne the monitor tells her the house is on fire, it'll be too late to save her baby. Sad.

stubbs0412 · 24/12/2013 13:18

Awful Maureen, dear! if you don't want ppl opinions don't ask. I can not believe you need advice on this one.

Squeegle · 24/12/2013 13:24

stubbs
It's Christmas - be generous
That's what mumsnet is for- if people questioned every time someone asked a question they though was obvious it wouldn't be much use would it?

stubbs0412 · 24/12/2013 13:31

You are right squeegle. I just am amazed that's all, honestly utterly dismayed.

Chippednailvarnish · 24/12/2013 13:40

Stubbs the OP is trying to do her best for her possibly PND suffering friend and her baby.
She never said she thought the situation was ok, she was just trying to find a solution that didn't potentially involve social services and the police.

melonribena · 24/12/2013 13:41

Maybe it wasn't advice as such required by the op but moral support

ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 24/12/2013 13:41

Thing is Stubbs, some people, and some things can make you question yourself.

Within a few posts OP knew that her gut feeling was right, and it turned out ok. She doesn't need you implying she's useless, does she?

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 13:56

melon that's it exactly. Of course I know right from wrong but it's very hard when it's a close friend. and elf that's right...someone you respect and know well says they're doing X and you find yourself surprised and confused....

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 24/12/2013 13:57

I have no doubt that SIL will be keeping a very close eye out...she's 50 years old and has brought up 4 children brilliantly...she knows what to do.

OP posts:
RomulanBattleBagel · 24/12/2013 13:57

You're a good friend, glad the baby has you to look out for them

Chippednailvarnish · 24/12/2013 13:59

Well done OP.

DeMaz · 24/12/2013 14:01

Christmas Day is a very busy time for thieves and break ins. Many people are out or on holiday during the festive period.
I would never, ever risk leaving my child alone while I go off on a jolly!

End of!