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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Space Invader! Was I unreasonable and over reacting?

294 replies

LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 11:53

Just really irritated and I understand that I probably may have been unreasonable and maybe I did over react. So please tell me if I was.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired and just want our DD here. I normally go to the same connivance supermarket chain (one of the small shops) mid week if we need anything.

The last four/five times I have been, one of the female employees has taken it upon herself to rub my tummy whilst saying "ohhhh you are nearly there love". Angry. She comes from nowhere so every single time its been totally unexpected. Well, I snapped this time and in front of everyone by the tiles (t was busy) said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude". She went bright red and wondered off looking very embarrassed.

Was I unreasonable embarrassing her in front of so many people? I wonder if everyone that saw thought I was over reacting and a bit irrational.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 22/12/2013 18:06

can also assure you that my friends say it as it is. An example is that a couple of them hugely disagree with my choice to have an ELCS and they have told me straight out.

They sound rude as well. I'm not surprised they agree with you Grin

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 18:14

I think were this post stands is.

  1. she should not be touching strangers. By doing it she is a space invader and risks getting told not to do it and hopefully in future she will consider it before groping someone's tummy without their consent
  2. I should have told her first time. I will next time someone does it
  3. I should not have been as aggressive
  4. I do respect the opinions of my RL friends and family more so than those of other Internet posters. I would surprised if anyone thought that was odd.

So I do accept some points raised but not all. How I come across is irrelevant really but I do appreciate everyone's thoughts (whether I agree with them or accept them and whether they agree with me or not).

We now seem to be going round in circles. Everyone knows what I think and I know what posters think.. Debating it is just going to result in me repeating my view and other repeating theirs. S I guess we have to agree to disagree.

But I will keep checking the read to see if there are another prospective s outside of agreeing with me or totally not agreeing with me.

OP posts:
neffi · 22/12/2013 18:17

She was rude. You were ruder.

NotMissMiranda · 22/12/2013 18:21

You're spectacularly ignoring the point that you should apologise for the way you spoke to her, NOT for letting her know you didn't like her touching your bump but for the way you let her know.

She's probably totally embarrassed, scared you're going to make a complaint against her & worried she's going to lose her job.

If I'd spoken to anyone like that I'd be embarrassed. But you keep on telling yourself you were 'forthright' instead of rude. But I think deep down you know you were very rude.

RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 18:24

Hold on a second. Running up to someone you've not met and grabbing part of their body is bloody rude. Reacting brusquely to that is perfectly reasonable.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 18:28

I haven't missed the point that people think I should apologise but I have already said I won't. She shouldn't have touched me. When she realised I wasn't happy about been touched I would have expected her to apologise but she didn't. Had she, I would have felt really guilty straight away for snapping and been really apologetic for snapping.

I know people would like me to say I will go back and apologise and make her feel better. That's not going to happen whether or not I get flamed for it.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 22/12/2013 18:40

And your persistent refusal to do the right thing here is what makes you ten times as rude as the poor lady in the shop.

I sincerely hope you are not that mean, that this is all bravado and you will actually go back and say sorry for your aggressiveness. I suspect you won't, which is sad to say the least.

NotMissMiranda · 22/12/2013 18:43

She was probably too shocked & embarrassed to have said anything at all & she sure isn't going to come anywhere near you now to apologise.

Anyway, you do (or don't do) whatever, I'm hiding this thread now as it's getting on my nerves.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 18:43

Tidy I won't apologise. She shouldn't be touching strangers without their consent. It's invading other people's space. In fact the more I consider it the more I think she should be apologising to me for invading my personal space without my consent.

OP posts:
RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 18:44

Am beginning to wonder if some of the OP's attackers are serial bump-fondlers themselves. On what planet is it not horribly horribly rude to run up to someone and grab them? I'd have bern furious if anyone had dreamt of doing that to me.

lookatmybutt · 22/12/2013 18:45

I don't think you should apologise, for what it's worth. Some people will just carry on if you're too polite anyway (like Quacks says up there^) - that's happened to me a ton of times.

Sometimes you just have to tell people what's what.

TidyDancer · 22/12/2013 18:47

No, she really doesn't owe you an apology. As I and others have said multiple times (and you apparently accepted) you had a window to tell her not to do it the first time she touched you. When you turn on her the fifth time she does it, it's a whole different story. You could have said very politely that you didn't like what she was doing. Instead you chose to be rude, aggressive and confrontational. You don't sound like a very nice person at all.

RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 18:50

Why is it the OP's responsibility to tell the grabber not to grab? Why isn't it the grabber's responsibility not to clock that the OP didn't seem happy being grabbed?

TidyDancer · 22/12/2013 18:52

Because the OP let her do it on four previous occasions. It may have given the shop assistant the idea that the OP was happy for her to do it.

AutumnStarOfWonder · 22/12/2013 18:52

Dear me. I don't actually think touching someone's bump is that bad. I wouldn't do it personally and can understand why people get pissed off about it, but I do think it's a bit odd to be absolutely furious.

There's no point persisting with this though, because the OP has made it clear she's not going to apologise. There's no point continuing to stress that she was rude. She's not bothered and has made that very clear.

I just hope the woman who thought she was being nice hasn't been left too worried about all this. Merry Christmas eh?

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 22/12/2013 18:53

HA! God no. I barely want to touch loved ones, im not about to grab strangers. My personal space circle has a diameter of about 2.4 miles.

and I dont think anyone has said the op should let people touch her.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 18:54

Ralph. Too have consider the bump-fondling theory. Grin

lookatmybutt thank you. It does get to a point where you do have to say something.

Tidy you have the right to make that assumption about me if you so wish. You know where my thoughts are on this. That's not going to change now.

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/12/2013 18:58

She shouldn't have touched you.

Your reaction however was the worse offence by humiliating her in front of other people.

If I was in your position I'd be feeling embarrassed by my behaviour. When I was expecting ds2 I was regularly asked ' you haven't had it yet' in Tesco by a check out girl. I just smiled, to be rude wasn't really necessary.

Being pregnant doesnt excuse rudeness.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 18:59

You were unnecessarily rude in my opinion, and this come from someone who also doesn't like to be touched.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:00

Anyway, you don't think YABU, so why post here?

RalphRecklessCardew · 22/12/2013 19:01

Tidy

Each and every time the grabber grabbed she must have been too rude and inconsiderate to notice that the OP wasn't happy. You don't (if you're a civilised never mind a 'nice' person) go on fondling strangers until they tell you to stop. You ask before and failing that you stop immediately if they are less than enthusiastic.

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 19:01

Dame I have answered that question already a it earlier in the thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 19:03

Each and every time the grabber grabbed she must have been too rude and inconsiderate to notice that the OP wasn't happy. You don't (if you're a civilised never mind a 'nice' person) go on fondling strangers until they tell you to stop. You ask before and failing that you stop immediately if they are less than enthusiastic.

This ^^

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:03

Fair enough. FWIW, I hated being touch when pregnant and also once confronted a lady about it, although I very calmly said, 'please don't touch me' She also went rude and must've felt embarased but didn't do it again.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 19:04

But maybe she didn't notice you weren't happy. Some people are just a bit dim, many in fact! Do you believe she was trying to offend you?

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