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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Space Invader! Was I unreasonable and over reacting?

294 replies

LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 11:53

Just really irritated and I understand that I probably may have been unreasonable and maybe I did over react. So please tell me if I was.

Currently 38+3 with our first. I am fed up, irritable, tired and just want our DD here. I normally go to the same connivance supermarket chain (one of the small shops) mid week if we need anything.

The last four/five times I have been, one of the female employees has taken it upon herself to rub my tummy whilst saying "ohhhh you are nearly there love". Angry. She comes from nowhere so every single time its been totally unexpected. Well, I snapped this time and in front of everyone by the tiles (t was busy) said "will you stop touching me. I am not public property and to be frank I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here. Are you normally this much of a space invader. It's rude". She went bright red and wondered off looking very embarrassed.

Was I unreasonable embarrassing her in front of so many people? I wonder if everyone that saw thought I was over reacting and a bit irrational.

OP posts:
Doctorbrownbear · 22/12/2013 21:46

I think you were nasty. I don't get how women get so touchy when pregnant, just grit your teeth and get on with it. I am 39 weeks and would not dream of being so rude to someone that was just basically trying to be friendly. I suspect by posting on here that you are actually quite proud of yourself. I for one think you acted rudely, disproportionately and aggressively. I agree that it can be uncomfortable having someone touch your bump but no need to be so very uptight about it and embarrass her and probably everyone else in the shop.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 21:46

Well quite DamnBamboo

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 21:46

I think I shall take my leave now.

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 22/12/2013 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 21:48

He does roll his eyes Grin

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 21:49

What else is it if it's not harassment then cold

Unwanted persistent behaviour - what else would you call it?

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 21:50

I don't think it as simple as a change in the law - I think it is about education women and society that a person has ownership over their body - unfortunately this is not something that is embedded, especially in younger women. I don't know what the law cold do to support this - but I wish it could!

I think most people know they own their body, this isn't a case of knowing that you don't like it and don't have to tolerate it, it's about how you address it - ADDRESSING IT being the key phrase here (i.e. tell them - THIS IS UNWANTED)

AutumnStarOfWonder · 22/12/2013 21:50

Oh God. This thread is bonkers. Is this really how we live now? Not allowed to come within a five metre radius of any pregnant women or babies lest we offend/pass on germs/be labelled a sex pest?

It's mad. OP, you asked for people to tell you if you had overreacted. The overwhelming consensus is 'yes'. You have basically said you're not arsed about this and think you were right. This could continue ad infinitum. Just carry an electric cattle prod with you in future. That'll learn those well meaning bastards.

Coldlightofday · 22/12/2013 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doctorbrownbear · 22/12/2013 21:53

Some of the comments on here are hillarious! Hahaha phone the police someine tried to be nice and touched me.... on the bump!

Original poster
LittlePeaPod · 22/12/2013 21:54

cold a very well deserved sherry. Enjoy Xmas Grin

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 21:56

Have a sherry cold Smile

happy Christmas (now must get to that wrapping)

Coldlightofday · 22/12/2013 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 22:05

Happy drinking / wrapping folks.
I have to be content with (more) laundry.

PansOnFire · 22/12/2013 22:12

Yep, you'll be one of 'those'. I don't think you even care how rude you were which makes me think you didn't actually start this thread to reconsider your behaviour, you started it so you could be high and mighty about being pregnant which is actually very common with ftps, before you have a go.

You're about to have a baby: grow up.

And of course you should apologise to the shop assistant, she obviously didn't mean to offend you. She probably walked off because she didn't want to get into a confrontation and upset you further, she sounds like she was being considerate. But it's ok, your RL friends have told you this behaviour is fine, so carry on...

Lovecat · 22/12/2013 22:47

this thread is peculiar. The OP had had enough of this downright peculiar woman touching her without permission - she snapped. It happens. It doesn't particularly reflect on her entire character, it's just a snapshot (as people on MN are so fond of saying when excusing other behaviour).

I don't actually see where she was rude, precious, high & mighty, nasty, OTT or aggressive. I really don't, and I think all the pearl clutching and inferences over what sort of a mother she'll be is uncalled for and just... wow.

I think back to when I was so close to my due date and how bloody grouchy I was and I think she was remarkably restrained - I think I'd have bodily flung the woman away from me with a "FUCK OFF AND STOP TOUCHING ME YOU FREAK!" at that stage... now that would be rude and aggressive (but imho entirely understandable...)

I wouldn't apologise either. The sanctimony on this thread is quite staggering.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 23:01

I think the rude, and really hurtful part was "I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here". Especially at a volume that obviously was audible to all around.
If you can't see what's rude about that then I am genuinely surprised and a bit saddened.
But we all have different perspectives.

CinderellaRockefeller · 22/12/2013 23:10

I used to have very unusual hair extensions (knee length and purple amongst many other varieties). Random women used to come and stroke it, comment on it, otherwise touch it without permission.

That's not a sexual thing, but it was a big invasion of my personal space, and if I'd had a repeat offender, I would probably have snapped at them in terms considerably stronger than the OP. So I completely get where you're coming from - it's not about what they were trying to do (people I did tell to get off me usually came back with "but I'm just interested") but it's about what you want. You have the absolute right to determine what you allow to happen to you in your personal space, and if she was too thick skinned to realise you weren't happy, by withdrawing/not engaging/looking angry then I don't judge you for escalating.

Lovecat · 22/12/2013 23:14

"I am sick to the back teeth of you touching me every time I come here"

That's not rude, though. It's factual.

It's not swearing, or calling the woman names, it's stating how she feels about being touched. If anything it's quite restrained, given that this woman has been stroking her bump every time she's been in, which is downright ODD. She'd had enough, and she snapped.

But you feel free to be saddened by that, as you said, we all have different perspectives.

BitOfFunWithSanta · 22/12/2013 23:29

To be fair, Lovecat, I think that people aren't so much judging the initial incident (although it's a bit cringey, yet understandable).

It's more the subsequent complete refusal to show any compassion for the person she had humiliated.

Nobody responded to my earlier post, but I still feel it was quite possibly an issue.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 23:31

I think it's rude because it's a forceful statement that broadcasts a history of inappropriate unwanted touching.
The woman did not know he touching was unwanted so the forcefulness would have been intense.
The witnesses have no idea about he context, so the shop assistant is left vulnerable to everyone being told that she has repeatedly offended a pregnant woman. What do the shoppers think? There is no ceiling of supposed unwanted touching.
The shop assistant would have been embarrassed to a level that was hugely disproportionate to her "offence"

Also, one does not need to swear or shout to be rude.
I would be rude to say to my friend that a mutual friend had expressed concern at her recent weight gain and consequent poor appearance. No swearing, no shouting, all fact. Not even my own POV. Just passing on information.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 23:33

And feeling irritable and tired and even a bit precious when pregnant is understandable but does not absolve us of culpability in our social interactions.

AdmiralData · 22/12/2013 23:40

Thank God I come across as extremely uptight and unapproachable :D

SolidGoldBrass · 23/12/2013 02:36

Actually, having thought about it, I have a lotmore sympathy for the OP. Because this woman doesn't know her and has quite probably been poking and prodding lots of other customers, who will have been cringing away but not wanted to 'make a fuss'. There are some people who are clammy-handed touchy feely types who need the verbal equivalent of a good kick in the face to make them realise that other people have a right not to be pawed.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 23/12/2013 08:18

Maybe a bit, hope you are ok.

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